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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The Magic Words

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Author Topic: The Magic Words
Miss Thang
Member # 5508

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I'm just starting this topic for no other reason that my own curiousity... When did you first say "I Love You" to a boy/girl you loved? Did you really mean it or did you just feel obligated to say it? When you have a relationship, how long do you usually wait until you say it? I definitely know that each person is different, and not everybody is going to say "I Love You" three months and a day into a relationship, but I would just like to see what the average is, just for comparison. I haven't ever said "I Love You" yet: I had a bf who said it, and I laughed right in his face!! I have a new bf now, and I know for sure that I'm not ready to tell him, even though I know that I do love him. So anywho- you can feel free to post good/bad experiences with using the magic words, or when you said it, or why you said it, basically anything pertaining to those words. Post away!
Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5439

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Ive never said them yet... But I feel them. I love my current bf, but dont think Im ready to tell him. I am afraid of the way he'll react. I dont want him to fret.

I was wondering alot of the same ?s you were asking, so hopefully this will help me out alot!

Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss Thang
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Originally posted by Kasper:
I am afraid of the way he'll react. I dont want him to fret.

That is my biggest fear too! Yes, this thread will be beneficial for both of us.

[This message has been edited by Miss Thang (edited 11-04-2001).]

Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'd never said "I love you" to a (non-relative) guy until I met my boyfriend. And now that I think about it, we said I love you before we were ever "together". We'd been typing it for quite a while, but the first time we said it was exactly 11 days before we decided we were a couple. Very odd, I hadn't thought of it before...

Here are a couple of other threads about this topic that you might check out:

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Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie Juliet
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My boyfriend wasted no time in telling me that he loved me. He said it on our 4th date right after we became "official." It was weird though because we had been good friends for five years before we started going out so maybe we don't count since we're different in that way but... anyway, I said it back becuase i felt obligated to, but in the four and a half months that we have been going out I've grown to really love him and now I do mean it when I tell him that i love him.
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Member # 5756

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My b/f said it about two months into our relationship, i said it back but i wasn't really 'in' love with him, even though i cared for him until about two months later i realized how in love with him i was.

"You want some body for a very long time. And then you have them, and they love you. And they make love to you, and itís not enough. Thatís the truth about sex." Jackie-O, The House of Yes

Posts: 21 | From: California, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss Thang
Member # 5508

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Ooh I like these stories... now for a little advice. I know I love my boyfriend, but I'm so afraid to tell him! I'm afraid that he'll be like, "Committment!! Ah!! Scary!!" and run away, even though he's not like that, but whatever... Here's another thing- I tried writing the words "I Love You" on a piece of paper, and they just looked so weird to me! They're just words, but so scary! I really feel like I want to wait until he tells me that he loves me before I say it to him. I've come close to letting it slip many times though... last night I was on the phone with him and he was being his hilarious self and I was like, "Hahaha... you're so cute... " and on the tip of my tongue were the words, "I just love ya!" And I had to stop and I was like, "Whoa what am I doing?!?" Ok that's my contribution to this fun thread for today! Help me out!
Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5439

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Miss Thang I feel the same way

My bf already made it clear that he dont see the point in marriage. He says marriage is just a title.

Im afraid if I tell him, hell be like no sorry thats a commitment, and I dont want that.

I wanna tell him, I know communication is the most important part of the relationship, but I dunno how to say this!

Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5552

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I have quite a story about this actually. O_o
I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear at all in response, but.
Im usually a really distant person: i don't get close to people/don't let people near me mostly because of my past and how I had to deal with some of that..
But this guy. I've known him almost 3 years now, and it was platonic for most of that. Twice he rather saved me from myself, once a few years ago and again in August, when things changed.
"The Adventure" that weekend is referred to. In the wee hours of a Saturday long before sunrise I was hearing the answer to the "homework question" (ie: what's the one thing you wish you'd done before you die?) even as i walked that edge... He'd been trying, i guess, to reason me out of my self-loathing as I'd walked the previous 2 miles, to little effect. I'm not sure what he was saying, but it took a turn when he finally pulled me out of the street and held me close. I could hear his heartbeat and the full weight of my thoughts and my answer to the homework question came crashing down. We sat in the alcove of an abandoned storefront until after sunrise: talking and admitting and listening. Somewhere in that fog he sortof whispered "i love you". I pretended not to have heard because I couldn't, at that point, speak. But him saying it first broke through my darkness and fears and brought me off that low (which i haven't gotten near since, thank you) to where i could see things a little better. Like, myself a year from now.
That wednesday we ended up together again, talking and so forth until thursday morning. But both of us were acting/talking as if he'd never said a thing. I'd been thinking about the uncertain concept of "relationship" since that saturday, and as we were talking there was a long moment of silence in the pre-dawn and his face sorta changed. I asked him what he was thiking, and he said, "oh, fears." I pressed the issue a little, and he said, "oh, three words.." and my heart just lept, because it meant he hadn't just mumbled that as another "argument" to ease his sense of personal responsibility or whatever. I quoted tennyson, and after another long moment he said "I love you." and I said it back, because I should have told him Saturday but i was afraid. because after all (and i quote a philosophy that i internalized for a long time) "it is never wise for a woman to declare her love before it is "safe" for her to do so ie:man has declared himself first."
So technically, if that Saturday counts as our first "date" then it was 7 days. If one counts the entire relationship it was 3 years, but then we were somewhat daft people i think...

and if anyone asks: everything's been wonderful since then and i'm happy to report everyone in question is rather more enlightened, less daft, and generally happier and better connected these days.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

Posts: 9 | From: Texas | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5578

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I haven't said those words yet! I'm waiting until it's true love. All of the time you hear so many young people saying "Oh, I love so and so!!" But I'm sticking with my heart on this one!

Dont Mess with Texas

"Only in America, where we can dream as big as we want to."
-Brooks and Dunn

Life is not fair, a fair is a place you show cows

[This message has been edited by Daydreamer24 (edited 11-06-2001).]

Posts: 1619 | From: TEXAS | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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Well..... My first boyfriend said it all the time, but never to my face. I never really said it becasue I never felt it. We were talking later and he told me he said it cuz he felt obligated to, but he never really love me. I'm cool with that and we are still great friends.

My current boyfriend said " I love you" after 6 days, and I said "I love you too" back to him. I don't know why it happened so early, but I just had this feeling that we had something that no one else had. But I really did feel I loved him, so I said it. And I guess that was a good feeling becuase we've been together for over a year now and we still love each other very much. It's all good...

Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5781

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h'm..well the first time my b/f said i love you was after an awkward "um"-filled phone conversation, it was like the closing part where he just said "i love u" i think he felt obligated to for some reason. i just mumbled an 'i love you too' and that has been the lil pattern we've been having for the past month we've been together. but he already knows what i feel about commitment/marrige Bah-Humbug! i never pictured myself getting married, considering my past i've always viewed it as a binding title which disables you to rights/privalege(idon't mean cheating or anything) and its such a pain in the *arse to erase. but the phrase 'i love you' has never held great deep eternal meaning to me. people say it for every reason, at anytime. whether or not they mean it is the question and sometimes love is never a guarentee even if it is sincere circumstances will change it eventually. wow i sound so cynical all of a sudden. o well, qouting mr. scrooge on love, Bah-Humbug!

Posts: 4 | From: lil ol' newark, de, usa | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5682

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I seem to recall that my ninth grade b/f told me he loved me a time or two, but I never reciprocated. We were together for eight months but by the end I realized we weren't as good friends as I had thought.

My current boyfriend, on the other hand... we started going out in tenth grade after months of being very good friends... we said the magic three words on IM, a couple days after we first kissed. The relationship has lasted two and a half years now and it's going great. :-)

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a month now, but we were "involved" for quite a while before we became official. I think it was about a few weeks into the relationship when i said "I love you." The truth is, though, i don't even know what love is. It's not like i felt obligated to say it...i just said it. He said he loves me too, but i know he was just saying it to be nice. He cares about me a lot, but he doesn't love me...YET. He said himself, he's not so "liberal" with the word. So i've stopped saying it...just because i dunno if im really in love. but this way i know that when he says it, he'll really mean it.

So you call this your free country?
Tell me why it costs so much to live.--3 Doors Down

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. --Chris Slater

Posts: 266 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14988

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I just recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and had him say it back. I've never told anyone I've loved them before. Never really trully loved anyone before either. I actually said it to him after he had been saying it for quite some time, the only reason I didn't say it back at first was out of shock, and just being nervous of admitting I loved him and then him breaking my heart. Because fact of the matter is, I've actually loved him since we began going out the first time almost a year ago, just never got around to saying it.
Posts: 11 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Ugh, I wished I had a nicer first post, but I had to reply to this first.

I said I love you to my last girlfriend, and I absolutely regret it, but totaly ment it. I shouldn't have said it at all. Everyone was sitting around at my friendís house, and we were holding hands and I said it. She just mumbled "I love you too" back. No feeling. Nothing. We broke up about a week later.

Yeah, so hi, I guess. Heh.

Stick and stones
May break my bones
But words can hurt like H*ll

Posts: 7 | From: gahanna | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14963

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Hmm...this topic is quite complicated. Seems there is an infinite number of ways to say "I love you" in an infinite amount of different situations.

I have been "officially" going out with my boyfriend for about three and a half months. To understand this better, I'll go into a bit of history:

We had been going to the same school since grade 6, but at the time, I didn't even know who he was. In the summer after grade 8, I developed a crush on him after talking to him extensively online. However, once high school started it seemed really awkward; we didn't talk, so I just moved on.

In grade 11 (last year) I left to go to an alternative school. We started having online conversations again in mid-March...and I realized I still liked him! I waited a few months, really thinking things through, and at the end of May I admitted that I had feelings for we set our first date for June, after exams, and we've been together ever since!

It's been wonderful...he is my first boyfriend, and the first person I kissed. Anyway, we still talk a lot a few weeks ago he typed it..."I love you"...I was sort of shocked, and I forget what I had written, probably something like "me too." But then the next time we saw each other, not long after that, he said it while we were kissing. I thought for a moment and said it back, because I realized it truly was the way I felt.

So that's our story. Sorry for the length; once I get started I can't stop!

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