I have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. His entire wardrobe consists of surfie clothes. I love the way he is and the way he looks.
The problem is we are having a dinner at this really ritsy restaurant for my mum's birthday soon. A while ago I bought my bf a dressie shirt for a gift but we had to take it back because it didn't fit and trying to find another one was torture because he hates to shop.
I am worried about what he will wear to my mother's party. Mainly because I will be worried he will feel out of place if everyone else is dressed up and I THINK (am not sure) he can't afford to spend money on new clothes.
I want to get him a nice shirt and some pants to wear but do you think I would offend him if I did? How should I spring it on him? Or, do you think I should just relax and let him turn up in anything?
Have you tried talking to him about this? You might want to sit him down and explain that you love him just the way he is, but you don't want him to be uncomfortable at the party. And then ask if he'd like you to go shopping for him. Most guys don't mind wearing nice clothes once in a while -- it's the shopping part that they find highly objectionable.
I've managed to drag my guy out shopping exactly once. And that was about a week before we got married, when I'd proclaimed that he was *not* going to wear his beloved baggy shorts and a Mac t-shirt for the ceremony. He grumbled and complained and pouted and claimed he hated everything in the store, but once he realized that he looked really good in nice clothes, he shut up.
So have a little chat with him, and see what he thinks. It could be that he wouldn't mind getting dressed up, but just really hates going shopping and/or is clueless about clothing. Both are common male traits, I've noticed.
[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 10-18-2001).]
Maybe by him a nice shirt for an early xmas present or whatever you celebrate. Or buy him only telling him its just cuz you love him type of gift. Good luck!
Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001
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First of all, I've been wearing nothing but "surfie" clothes since I was about four. Back then, they were unpopular and all my parents could afford to get for me...and somehow the style kind of stuck on me.
Flash forward to about 1998, I was in college and constantly broke. It was getting to the point where I had long hair simply because I couldn't afford to get it cut! So needless to say, I had no money for nice clothes. My girlfriend at the time came from wealthier environs, and her family often went out to nice restaurants for dinner. Since my family never did that, I was not used to the concept at all and had nothing to wear for the occasion. My former girlfriend noted that, and one day suggested we go shopping for some "nice" clothes. She was not mean about it and did not insult me, she just said that she wanted me to have a good time and to feel comfortable around her parents, and that she thought I would feel most comfortable if I "looked the part."
The beauty in that was the way she handled it...she was a rather tactless girl so I was amazed that she didn't blow that one, but instead it worked well. You should do something similar to your boyfriend. Without sounding patronizing or insulting, you should suggest that you go shopping for maybe one nice shirt and one nice pair of pants...that shouldn't cost too much money at all. Let him know that you care about him and want him to feel comfortable around your parents, and that should work wonders.
Oh, and you may have to patiently explain to him that green and orange don't match. We surfer types are horrid with fashion.
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Some advice to make the shopping thing less painful...figure out what size he is first! Try going to a retailer that sells clothing on-line (Lands' End or Eddie Bauer come to mind) and look for the section that tells what measurements to take to find your size. 5 minutes with a measuring tape (or a piece of string and a ruler if you don't have a tape) will help you figure out exactly what size shirt and pants he wears and will save you (and him) lots of agony later because he won't have to try stuff on nearly as much.
Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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after you explain to your boyfriend that he cannot attend this function unless he is properly dressed, ask him for specifics:
what color shirt?
long sleeves or short?
neck size? arm length?
once you have these sorted, go to the dept. store with him in tow and say to the man in the men's department that this is what you are looking for. he will help you find the shirt you have described. there, shopping without having to shop.
------------------ Living proof that it's hip to be square .
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Thanks heaps Kyth, Kasper, BruinDan (you sound just like my man), Lady Moonlight, $suMMer + Gumdrop Girl.
Well I did what you all said and I had a good talk to him. He refused to come to the shop with me though so I went and got him a really nice shirt and pants! He looks awesome and although he would never admit it, I can tell he was surprised at how he looked too! He even said when he looked in the mirror 'I might have to do something about these dread locks now'!! My mother would adopt him if he did that!!
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