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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i need advice

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Author Topic: i need advice
scared_to_lose_him
Neophyte
Member # 5521

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umm my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 months and in march he will be goin back to college which is in philly and i live in nj..........and right now i see him everyday and soon i wont see him everyday and i will miss him like crazy what should i do you think it will work?i love him so much and he loves me he said he wants to get married when he graduates u think it will work out for us.i love him so much i could never let him go whatta ya think i would have to take a train to see him all the time which could cost alot we have computers and phone tell me what u think about our situation...

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kimmie


Posts: 5 | From: atco,nj,usa | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Activist
Member # 389

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Whoa, sweets. Deep centering breath.

Truth be told, who can say if it will work out? You are still young, and have lots of years of dating ahead of you. Perhaps things *will* work out, but they might not. Just try and realize your needs, or his, might change over time. Enjoy each relationship for what it is in the present, and let the future work itself out.


Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kasper
Activist
Member # 5439

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I was thinking the same way you were.

I saw my boyfriend everyday in the summer time. It was great! We get along well, and love spending time with each other!

We both went off to college in august. I went to school in one state, and he stayed in state. We are currently an hr away from each other. I see him every wkend, and its ok. I wish it was more, but this is better than nothing. I talk to him every night on the phone, and email him once a day.

I dident think it would work either, but so far so good. Good luck, and think positive. I know its hard but try!


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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Hi Kimmie,

first of all, relax a little here. I know this is probably a very emotional issue, but if I were in your shoes, I'd try to calm down and stop the worry and instead relax and enjoy the relationship that you have right now.

Yes, it can be very important to have a "perspective in a relationship" but living the moment and being happy are just as important, too.

Without wanting to sound overly rude (I have been, and still are in a long distance relationship, so I know where you are coming from): please be sure that xou don't expect to much from your pretty new relationship (3 months is not that long, really) - your happiness should never ever depend on whether one person is your partner, or not. People often change when exposed to different surroundings and situations and while growing up, it's normal that your relationships change, too. - Simply because you change. Yup, some people marry the people that they date in High School, but many don't, and some of those who do, only do so after years and years of seeing other people in the meantime.

Whether you want to be in a long distance relationship while you are in college is really up to you and your partner, and because I don't know either of you, of course I can't make any predictions here. When the time comes that you head off to college (preferably not on the night before you leave though), you and your partner should sit down and Dicuss whether an LDR would be right for you. - That would mean discussing whether you want to be monogamous or poly, what constitues fidelity for both of you, how you'll deal with the money issues that will come up when you're in an LDR, what you'll do about the loneliness both of you will probably feel while being "single, but not single" and the whole bunch. And to be honest about it.

Some people can handle largly leading a relationship via eMail, icq and the phone and seeing their partner every few months, other people are only comfortable when having real contact with their partner every weekend or whatever else. It depends on you, and on your mate. You decide. Nothing is worse for an LDR as one partner being pushed into the LDR.

For now, my personal recommendation is to really not worry about marriage in a few years, but to enjoy what's happening now and to keep the lines of communications about what happens when you leave open and to openly discuss expectations. So give it time....
and live in the moment.

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Caro
~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scared_to_lose_him
Neophyte
Member # 5521

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yeah mayeb u guys are rright we should take things step by step i am at is house right now he said we have nothing to worry about and love will keep us alive..........if anyone else has any problems they need advice with write me at [---edited] i love my boyfriend so much and he means the world to me.............yeah i know we only been together for 3 months but it seems like forever and we promised each other we will be togehr 4-ever well all e-mail me......[----edited---]

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kimmie

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 10-12-2001).]


Posts: 5 | From: atco,nj,usa | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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Kimmie - just a little reminder: please don't post your eMail addie here at the boards.
It's against the guidelines, and for your own safety, really. In addition, the boards are a faboo place for discussing problems, and lots of people can contribute here, too, so just use them - that's what they are here for. No reason for tons of eMailing that puts you into a risky situation, me thinks.

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Caro
~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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