about 4 weeks ago my b/f broke up with me because he still had some feeligs for his ex-g/f who really hurt him bad. he told me he really did love me, that he wasnt breaking up with me to date anyone else, and that he just didnt think it was fair to me if i didnt have all of him. he wanted to still be really good friends but its just really hard when you love someone that much, u just cant look at them the same way...about 2 or 3 weeks later he went on a date with another girl, it fell through, but it still kinda hurt b/c he told me he wasnt going to date for a while, and just 2 days ago he asked me if we could be "friends with priveleges" (aka benefits) and so we fooled around and i know i am still madly in love with him, and i just enjoy being with him even though i know we arent anything....it kinda hurts me that he doesnt love me the way i love him, but i dont want to lose the relationship we have now. how can i get him back? what should i do?? i really need help!
Posts: 36 | From: US | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
First of all: A guy that loves you, who knows you love him, will not ask you to be friends with benefits.
I have nothing against being friends with benefits with someone, but I'm telling you now that you're setting yourself up for some serious pain by agreeing to this when you're still in love with him. You said it yourself, when you love someone, it's hard to be just friends. By being friends that fool around, you haven't suddenly taken that friendship up another level, closer to love, even if it feels like it. You're still just his "friend" and he's still going to see whoever he wants to, while coming back to you when he feels like it. This doesn't sound like a situation that is at all healthy, and I'm sorry if I'm bursting any bubbles.
If you love him and he doesn't want to "be" with you right now, you have to let him go--for your sake and his. Not only are you hurting yourself, you're going to ruin whatever friendship you have left with him by agreeing to this arrangment and then you'll have nothing left but pieces of what once was.
i dont believe in friends with benefits in this situation. Since you really have feelings for this person more then a friend, you will never be able to get over him. You would most likely want him more and more. And your mind will prob. tell you that he wants you because your friends, but yet make out. You really need to get over him, and be able to look at him like a friend only because he seemed to move on already.
Posts: 15 | From: NY | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
It's a very hard situation. I can see how on your part, you have your own feelings and possibley even thinking that there would be a future of a relationship with him. And then on his side, he may never have any intentions of ever dating you seriously. It sucks becuase there's no way that you can force him to have a relationship with you, nor is it fair to him. I definitely know how you feel though As hard as it's going to be, you're going to have to decide that you can't have that special kind of relationship with him any longer and being "just normal friends" with him. As much as that is hard to do, it'll help you out in the long run. The hardest thing I think is going to be to try to reconstruct a friendship with that person especially since you're used to having an intimate relationship with him.
One thing to remember though, is that he's already decided that he has stronger feelings for someone else, then there's no way right now that he'll ever come back to you, as sad as that may seem. I understand the pain though of hearing someone you really care about and have strong feelings for to tell you one day that he can't be with anyone and then a few days later deciding that he's going to even just date or sort of "reserve" himself for someone he has in mind.
------------------ "1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."
My boyfriend kind of had the same situation. He has this really close girl friend and she was having problems so we would go a week without tlaking and I could never see him because his family.. and on and on.SO he broke up with me (or tried to) because he thought that it wasn't fair for me to just sit and wait for him to come around. He had every intention on getting back together with me once things settled down.. and well,they settled down the next night and we got back together. SO...I do believe what everybody has been saying.. friends with benefits is not a title you give somebody you love. I understand the brekaing up part but never let him fool you! Friends with benefits are very hard relationships and you are already so attached to him it might ruin your relationship.
------------------ -Ashli- Blondes have it made...brunnettes don't have an excuse to act stupid!
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.