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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why does the thought of something that everybody does freak me out?

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Author Topic: why does the thought of something that everybody does freak me out?
Member # 1021

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most of my friends are in these super-committed relationships. some of them are *even* talking about getting married once we're out of highschool (we're juniors). thats just the way a lot of people are. theres not a day that goes by when i dont see teens in a relationship. but im the exact opposite. i cant be committed. i cant be in a relationship. im just not able to keep relationships. after awhile i feel claustrophobic and i have to break it off. this has happend in every relationshp i've been in! also, my relationshps lately haven't lasted long (i'd be lucky if it got past 1 week). i just dont feel comfortable like that. whats my problem? am i going to be one of those "single for the rest of her life" type women?
Posts: 63 | From: Virginia, U.S.A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4159

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I think you have to figure out why you have a fear of long term relationships. Have you seen too many people have LTR go sour?

I don't think you're going to be single your entire life though. What I think might happen is that you'll meet someone who isn't going to make you claustrophobic. What I would suggest is to find someone who is willing to be in an "unclassified" relationship with you that would ease you into a LTR easier. it sounds like your relationships tend to start off as "committed" which is what is scaring you. I think relationships would best if they start out as unclassified and then move into something more concrete as time moves on. This way neither of the people involved would feel any pressure that they're making some sort of mistake or that just one date is definitely going to end up in to marriage. I think that path of getting into a relationship is best for you.

"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."

Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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Originally posted by -Dust-:
whats my problem? am i going to be one of those "single for the rest of her life" type women?

Nope. Unless that is what you want to be, of course. Really, as a junior in high school, there is no rule saying you have to be in a committed relationship at all. When I was a junior, I was the only one in my group of friends who was in one, and in due time all of my friends who wanted girl or boyfriends found them. People develop and become ready for relationships at all different age. Personally, I don't think that the fact that you feel unable or unwilling to commit to a relationship at this stage of your life is a bad one at all. It gives you time to figure out who you are, without the added pressures of worrying about a mate.

Usually, these things tend to sort themselves out over time. So for now, take care of yourself and just see how things develop. Good luck!

"Verdugo, Engine 14; you can cancel all units responding to this structure fire...this is just a dishwasher gone bad."

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Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2889

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I know exactly how you feel! I have been in the same situation before with relationships. Not as if I fear LTR's but I didnt feel I needed to be so attached to someone. I am 15 and I have had long term relationships work for me but I always feel we both feel differently and before anything else happens I brake it off. Many of my friends love having LTR's and I figured out thats not me, mostly because I dont want to relay on somebody so strongly and have them only hurt in the end. I am not saying I dont open up my heart and love people back. I would love to have LTR but for me it has to be with someone special someone who I really care about and not just another Jr High relationship with some guy you barley know but asked you out cause they found you had a crush on them. I have recently met a guy that I love. I have such strong feelings for him and I think thats what you have to feel for someone to make LTR's work. Thanks for listening
Posts: 32 | From: Ft Collins | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4770

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I believe that its all a matter of the person you are going to be committed to, and how deeply you care for them.
Posts: 35 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
Member # 3836

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In all probability it is nothing to be worried about, you are still pretty young and many people don't have serious relationships at your age. However, I sort of want to ask if you come from an intact family or your rents are divorced. Children of divorce, particularly girls, very often have trouble forming LTR's. This is one of the more pronaunced negative effects of divorce on girls, and it often shows up many years after the divorce. For boys the problems tend to show up sooner and are more related to acting out type behaviors. Of course these things don't happen to all children of divorce, and they can happen to children of intact families, but they are much more common in children of divorce.
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1021

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john doe, my parents aren't divorced, but they might as well be. my dad's been cheating on my mom since the mid-80s so basically since i was born. they dont have the best marrige, infact it sucks for the most part. they have good times, though. besides, my older sister and my aunts are all in good relationships, so i dont think my parent's cruddy marrige has anything to do with it.

Take Note: I'll be gone for 2 weeks, so if i dont reply, this is why.

[This message has been edited by -Dust- (edited 08-02-2001).]

Posts: 63 | From: Virginia, U.S.A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4895

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among my friends, everything is the exact opposite....none of my friends or most anyone my age can be commited to a guy for a long period of time, and the thought of forever scares them to death! me on the other hand only get into a relationship if i really really love the person (except once when i thought i was still in love with my ex and i wasnt by any means) forever sounds like such a peaceful word to me and i cant wait to find the perfect guy to share forever with, even though i thought i had a couple times and i turned out to be wrong...i just want to find the guy i can grow old with and someone who will treat me right and not be like normal guys my age, jsut goin out with u to get just doesnt cut it...
Posts: 36 | From: US | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4869

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Hmmm....I know how that feels. However my usual break up point is 3 months. Then again I normally don't have a relationship past one week. But then, I'm 15. I've had lots of boyfriends before. And its not really so much that I feel claustrophobic. I just want to be able to do other things. Most guys can't give me what I want which is kisses and love. They want more than that. Either a LTR or sex. I'm all about open relationships. I figure that if I'm actually dating one guy with the freedom to see other guys as well. Like cheating but not. Kinda creepy. Its not cheating because the other person is ok with it. I get that in a few days because the guy I want to "date" is getting back sunday. Actually I'm not sure if I even want a relationship at all. With guys at least. Anyways, I talked to my mom about hating LTR's and she said that was perfectly normal and even better for me in the long run but that when I got older(like 20's)I'd grow out of it and be able to have a LTR. And she IS my mom, so I believe her. and love her. So I offer her wisdom to you.

"For, you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard

Posts: 19 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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