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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I selfish?

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Author Topic: Am I selfish?
Member # 4503

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As some of you may now (and as some may not know), I've been dating a fellow for the last 3 months that lives an hour away from me.
The reason I feel selfish, though, is because I feel like I'm putting pressure on him to do several things he does not want to do. I've only mentioned them a few times but still I feel entirely too guilty for still really wishing they would happen.
One big issue is the fact that he does not have his liscence yet. He's 21 now, turned so last week, and even has a very nice Corvette just sitting in his parent's driveway. He claims that driving just intimidates him somewhat and I can understand, I was the same way until I got mine a year ago. But, really, it's beginning to wear me out to have to do all the driving. But, as I said, I feel selfish harping about it.
I feel like he has no motivation, like he's perfectly satisfied living at home, working at his father's gas station and spending all his money on computer & video games. And I also feel selfish for thinking that -I- have more motivation than him when I just attend college and still live off my folks for the most part.
I guess I just wanted to complain. Nobody else seems to want to listen to my complaints.

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Posts: 38 | From: Somerset, KY, USA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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Well I dont think that it makes you selfish, but you cant force people to do what they dont want to do. You can and talk to them, but they are still going to do what they want to do in the end. Its not your fault. I dont think that you should beat yourself up over it.

If he wants to get his license, let him do it on his own. Hes 21 now, hes big enough to make choices on his own. All you can really do is tell him how you feel. After that its up to him to respond.


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

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Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4159

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Hm..that's a tough one. It seems like you are both happy in your personal situations, but obviously, you aren't happy with his lifestyle. That's really a tough call becuase you can't dictate how he should live his life and likewise, he can't do the same with you.

I can understand the drag of having to driving all the time though. In high school, I drove most of my friends everywhere they needed to go at my expense (damn I'm too nice sometimes). Have you tried explaining to him how you feel? I would think that if he cared about your feelings, then he'd at least try to work something out so you don't feel the way that you do.

As for your original question, no I don't think that you are selfish. Relationships are a two-way street and if it looks more like a one-way road, then something is wrong.

"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."

Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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