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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Homophobic Partner

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Author Topic: Homophobic Partner
Member # 1071

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The guy I'm currently dating is homophobic. He'd prefer to say he "hates gays" , but I think he just doesn't understand, and more so, doesn't want to.

Now, this is a big problem for me, because I have no problem with homosexuality, but I do have a problem with people who hate it because the don't understand it. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much, but he constantly calls one of my good friends, who happens to be gay, a ******, or some other deroggatory name. And what's worse is, my boyfriend has never met a gay person, so he has no basis to judge on, other than what he's been raised with (his whole family has the belief that homosexuality is wrong and needs to be stopped).

I mentioned to him how much his use of the word ****** offends me, and he insists on using it. I really do like him, and I really want to get pass it. Any suggestions?

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[This message has been edited by pink (edited 07-25-2001).]

Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4503

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Did you only mention the fact that you do not like this word in passing to your boyfriend?
If this issue bothers you as much as it sounds, I would take the next chance I had to sit your boy down and bring up the issue. Tell him that you are seriously offended by the way he treats your friend. Afterall, this is your friend and I don't think it's too much to ask your BF to respect them.
If it helps any, I have a similar problem with my father and african americans.

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Posts: 38 | From: Somerset, KY, USA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Member # 389

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Yep, this is the time to have a real heart to heart with you man, and tell him that this is a big problem for you.

I was in a similar situation when i was much younger, and had to break it off. I just cannot handle bigotry - it's a deal-breaker in my book.

Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 406

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You need to talk to him and decide if you can live with his views. Would you be okay if he just didn't say derogatory things in your presence? He may not be able to change his views, and he may not want to. But he can refrain from saying things around you. If that's good enough for you, then it's settled, and if it's not then you gotta figure out what you're going to do.

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Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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