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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND....HELP

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Member # 4581

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i'm 16 and my girlfriend's 15. we've been together and in love for over 3 years but we've known each other since i was 2 and she was 1 (we've been neighbors). about 5 months ago, we tried getting our parents to better like each other so we arranged for all of us to have dinner at her house. her family's ultra conservative and my family's ultra liberal. besides a heated discussion on abortion...everything was fine. while they were having coffee, my girlfriend took me up to watch the sopranos. like an hour later we heard yelling downstairs...when we got down, my parents were gone and her dad was yelling at me to go home and to never see his daughter again. turns out our parents got in an argument about sex before marriage and religion. i kissed her goodbye knowing there was sooo many ways we could secretly see each other...and it worked.we were good at it...dodging our parents everyday spending hours in the woods and friend's houses hanging out. we were together for months until our parents found out. we were at my friends house (she was supposed to be sleeping over her friend's house)...we were all laying there watching Romeo and Juliet (weird huh?) and her dad came busting through the door. thus started the whole problem. i can't even count how many times we've tried to runaway together...but everytime made the whole situation worse. her dad has already slammed me against a wall, punched me a few times, threw me on the ground...and once he threw a big bible at my head for telling him how much i love his daughter...i can't even imagine what he's doing to her. i haven't talked to her for weeks and each day the will to live just widdles away. i can't stand it anymore, i need her so bad. her friends are telling me that she's grounded for a "long time". i saw her taking out the trash the other day and she gave me this look like she was dying inside...i'm dying too! we've been together for so long and i don't even know how to act anymore. please help....there's no where else to turn.
Posts: 2 | From: lansdale,pa,usa | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1881

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This has obviously escalated into a very serious situation.

The fact that her father has physically asaulted you is a federal offence. There is no way, under any circumstances, that such action should be tolerated at all. If this ever happens again I suggest you talk to your parents and talk to the police as well.

Rebellion tends to just add fuel to the fire and, like you said, running away isn't going to get you very far. Such extremes tend to be dangerous and risky and should be avoided.

If you've already tried having a reasonable conversation with your girlfriend's father then try to find a councellor at your highschool or local community centre and explain your problem to them. Perhaps they could sit down with her parents and explain your feelings towards the situation.

Sneaking around only makes things worse if you get caught, and it's really not hard to slip up and get caught, as you've found out the hard way. Spending time at her house obviously isn't productive for either of you, so why not try spending time somewhere else? Like outside or at your house? But do NOT lie about it or try to hide it. That would be enough to anger any parent and would only make it worse on the both of you in the long run.

Probably the sneaking around and secrecy of your relationship only angered your girlfriend's parents further. I've learned, from experience, when a parent finds out that you've been hiding something from them, they immeadiately become more suspicious and angered. Big mistake.

The best way to go about this is to hold a peaceful group conversation with you, your girlfriend, her parents, and your parents. Be open, honest, and, above all else, calm.

I hope things work out for you.

Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
Member # 3836

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I'm not sure that calling the police is a good idea. (By the way assult is not a federal crime, but is a state crime). the problem is that unless you have obvious severe injuries, or good reliable witnesses, it will end up being your word against her Dad's, who do you think the cops and the judge are going to belive, a 16 yo kid, or a father who is trying to "protect" his daughter. He could easilly spin a story that would end up with you being the one in handcuffs. She is still a minor, and it doesn't matter (legally) if she wants his protection or not. there is not a heck of a lot you can do, other than wait until you are both over 18, then you can ignore your family and her family (unless of course you are still finacially dependent on them for say tution money). Its not fair, but thats the way life is. Running away etc. is not the answer. Just remember how Romeo and Juliet ended up. The best thing you can do is for both of you to urge your parents to reconcile with eachother.
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3542

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Hey.. Try talking to her parents. Be honest with them. Just, god.. Don't get killed.
Posts: 41 | From: Michigan,USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2190

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That is absolutely out of control that her father treats you in that manner. A man who throws a bible at your head? Isnt that oxymoronic. I doubt God or Jesus condones assaulting people. You should tell your parents about it. Im sorry this is happeneing to you, but dont give up on yourself because of it. Im sure you both mean a whole lot to each other. I hope it all works out for the best
*God bless* :-D

Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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