One of my guy friends has just sworn me to secrecy about this. But, i thought i'd seek the advice of you guys, since i'm going on the assumption no one knows him. Ok, so the problem is, he likes one of my friends, i, and one other person know this, that's all. He's just told me that he has cried himself to sleep over her. He's been out with her before, but not for long, and she doesn't like him in this way. I told him that this is not a normal thing, and she, if anyone would be willing to help him sort it out. But he thinks that the problem will go away if he doesn't tell anyone else. I said he should definately tell her, but i won't tell her if he doesn't want to. This is all pretty screwed up, but the reason i'm asking for advice, is because im worried about him. Replys to this are greatly appreciated. What should i do, tell her, cos i think she does have a right to no, even if he doesn't want me to, and we can both help him, or let it go his way, and let it become a bigger mess?
Posts: 11 | From: Somewhere not in America | Registered: Apr 2001
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You know sweeto, while I know you would very much like to help, this is really between him and her.
She has already expressed that she isn't interested in pursuing anything more than a friendship with him and I think all he can really do is learn to respect that.
I fail to see what miracle will come out of you telling your friend what he said to you. Just let him know that you are always there for him.
Really, unrequited love is something alot of us go through and while not fun, we grow from that experience. Just make sure he sees things objectively. This is not and should not be the end of his world.
Chances are he will get over this and move on. It just depends when so just be a supportive friend for him in the meantime.
I agree. I don't see how you would help him if you betrayed his trust and told her. Would it really make her more likely to go out with him? Doubtful and if so what have you acomplished. She has the right to say no. Now I am assuming that she did so in a kind and gentle manner, not laughing in his face or something mean like that. To my mind that is sort of the flip side of sexual harrassment. Love has to be mutual, or it ends up being disasterous. what would be gained by him if he started a relationship with her and she didn't love him, his heart would be broken eventually even more. yeah unrequited love is tough, and it is tough on a guy becuase he is expected to be the one who puts himself on the line and face to possiblity of rejection, and the feeling of humiliation that often comes with it. But it is just something that he is going to have to learn to get over, and find out that there are other fish in the sea. Being there as a supportive friend, a shoulder to cry on and a friendly ear is the best that you can do. Telling the girl would make it much harder for him to be open with you in the future, and now he really needs someone he feels he can open up to.
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001
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I must tell you..that situation IS extremely normal. Happens all the time in fact. If your friend is thinking that he's crazy for liking someone that doesn't like him back, then he'll just be more upset. He'll move on. Getting involved isn't really the best idea. Just be there for him, and let him know you're there.
Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000
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I think it's definitely up to him to tell her if he wants her to know. Taking things into your own hands and telling her yourself will most likely only cause problems between you and your friend. Would you feel good if you were in his position and he had done this to you?
If you think it's in his best interest to tell her then you need to voice your opinion to HIM. Seeing as it's his feelings then it's really his decision whether to tell her or not. And if he thinks that maybe if he keeps it quiet it will help, then maybe that's what's best for him.
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