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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Getting to know his/her parents

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Author Topic: Getting to know his/her parents
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This is sort of linked to another topic in SG, but not really.

I just spent 5 days w/ my bf and his parents and lil cousin. It was extremely weird at first, but i must admit i found it really easy to fit in, and i didn't think i would. It took an extrememly big leap of faith in my bf to get me to go ... I'm not really one for bonding on such a high level (being thrown into the bushes w/ JUST them for a lil under a week) w/ people i don't know.

Would you ever do something like that? How did you get to know your partner(s) family? Good or bad experiences to share? Speak now or forever hold your peace!

When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
~ Liz Winston

In a Smurf's world ...

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Okay, true story (with some embarrassment)

The first time I went out to meet Allan (I was 19, he was 16), he and his mom picked me up at the airport.

She immediately informed me that I reminded her so much of Allan's sister. Not what you exactly want to hear when you've just met your boyfriend.

We then went for lunch, and I spilled a diet coke down my shirt, which she found endearing, cause "that's just what Allan's sister would have done!" Sheeeesh.

Anyways, I've spent a lot of time with Allan's family, and we've gotten to know each other and we get along great. In fact, last week Allan had to go back to school on Sunday and I had to fly back home on Monday, so I wound up spending the night at his house with his parents by myself. If it had been right whe we first started dating, I woudl've been freaked out, but I was totally fine with it by now.

I don't see eye to eye with his dad on a lot o political and social issues, but I respect him as a person and as a parent, and well, I just avoid talking about that stuff with him if I can, cause I really don't want to argue and I know neither of us will change our minds. But his parents both seem interested in me as a person, they're proud of my accomplishments, and generally pretty fun to hang around with, even if they do tease me.

His mom has started referring to me as "daughter in law" and implying that there are lots of nice colleges in there area where I could teach...

My parents like Allan and always ask after him when they call. He's been home to meet my family several times. I'm really glad he got to meet my Grandma before she died.

I haven't met Glenn or David's parents yet, but who knows... David says his parents tend to hate every girl he's dated, so I'm kinda glad that I'm far enough away to not have to deal with that.


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I get along great with my girlfriends mom. Short background on "us" (as in girlfriend, not mom). We've been going out 5 months now and most everything we do is at her place (cuz her mom's gay and doesn't care as long as we're not alone in a place with a bed). So I've been chillin' over there for awhile and we get along just swell. If you've ever heard of the game SET (Best Game Ever), we play that sometimes and always joke around about the others SET playing skills. And a few weeks ago, I called to talk to my girlfriend, but she wansn't home so we (her mom and I) talked for a little while. So yeah. We get along great.
Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I've found that the idea of spending time with my boyfriend's family was much scarier to me than it actually ended up being. His parents are pretty cool people and I enjoy seeing them. I usually end up seeing them quite a bit during the week and it's kind of nice. They treat me like a daughter.

After we'd been going out for somewhere around eight or nine months he went away to Australia for two months and in that time I'd get together for coffee with his mother about once a week on average. It's a pretty sweet deal.

Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Oh man. His dad's a born again Christian, really doesn't approve of my partner's Paganism (not so much in a 'that's evil' as 'that's stupid' kind of way), or of our sleeping together. He'd like us to get married and have kids. His late wife, and her children liked me, and said 'I was so much better than the last one,' which, awkward though it was, I'll take as a compliment, and I know it's true; I've met her. His mother's a rather sharp woman, and doesn't approve of how I keep house, or of our owning cats, but she's usually not too mean about it, but all in all, his parents aren't my favourite people. However, he gets along just fine with my parents, and my father, who never seemed to like the idea of me having much to do with boys, really seems to like him. Truly weird.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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When I met Ev's parents, I did the intense thing: stayed with them for 7 weeks straight.

Talk about intense. The first evening was strange, I was jet-lagged, depressed, tired, wanted to be alone with Ev, and there was his entire family (Mom, Dad, 2 brothers, 1 sis) I had to care about, too and worry about impressing them. Major stress thing, indeed. And taking into consideration that things weren't going too well with me and my partner either, it was all just very difficult at first.

But things got better, quickly. His family and parents are lovely. Just lovely. I do not agree with all the family rules and do not understand their motivations for them, but in general, his parents are great parents and I like the way they lead their lives as a family. I cooked, too, I went for walks with Ev's mom, to the Footie with Ev's dad and drove to work with his sis or brother (or him, of course). They really made me feel at home and it was an overall nice experience family wise in the end and I didn't have to worry about appearances or whatever much. I felt accepted.

I would however, not do this again, simply because it wasn't too good for our relationship. We didn't get the privacy we needed, and that really took it's toll.

But still - I love his rents, and every time I call and end up with his parents on the phone, I make sure that we chat for a while. Am glad that they like me, and I like them lots, too.

His mom sometimes comes up with little worried remarks to him how we would raise children (Bi-lingual?) or where we would live and whatnot, but in general, I am very happy they fully support Ev in this unusual relationship, just as my rents support me (and us), too.

~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~

"We must become the change we want to see."
Mahatma Gandhi

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Gumdrop Girl
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drQuack, you play SET, too!!! oh man! i've been known to stay up till 3am playing that!!!

onto a real reply. when i met my bf's parents, it was the weekend of his brother's wedding. we had been dating for ... 4 or 5 months? we road tripped to his brother's house, where i met his elder brother and his bride-to-be. nice folks. eerily reminded me of a lot of people iknew back home. the downhome, Coors-drinking, got a dog in the yard and a truck in the drive type. the next morning, his parents arrived. they were very nice to me. very cordial.

While the men were dealing with tuxedos and groomsmen type activities, his mother and I went outlet shopping. You bond over shopping, that's for sure! We even bought my bf some new underwear. I found a pair that i thought he'd like, but they didn't have any in his size. But his mother bought them anyway, and I asked, "Isn't that going to a li'l bit too big on him?" to which she said "oh, [he] will grow into them." ahh, moms will be moms. and my boy does wear the underwear, but they barely stay on him.

the day of the wedding, all the bride's party were geting their hair done. His mother was getting her done, too and she asked if i wanted to have my hair done up, too. i figured i'd appreciate a nice french braid, so i said sure. when i went to pay the stylist, she said his mum had already paid for me. how nice!

at the reception, my boyfriend, his dad, and his sister-in-law (married to another older brother) and i were all boogie-ing down to "Love Shack." too funny.

anyway, they're so nice! i adore them.

"And who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Ah! We're SET sisters and posting pals! (We both posted at 3:10).

You may continue with the regularly scheduled topic now.

Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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My boyfriend and I were together when I was a freshman (i'm going into senior year now) for 3 months. His parents liked me, my mom liked him, everything was good. We're back together now (almost 6 months). His mom adores me!! I love it. We talk and laugh. When I call we always have little chats before she puts John on the phone. It's a ver comfortable relationship.. his mother is the only girl in the family, so she's like "your the daughter that I never had!!"

The other night I was at his house for a family get-together (for his graduation) and his grandfather was there, and as I was leaving, pop pop said "can I give you a hug?" and I said why not. Then Johns mom made the comment of "He did that the first time he met me, and look how things turned out".. so I said "well, I guess that's a good sign" his family laughed, it was sweet. I felt well liked and comfortable.

We're not sure if his parents know that we have an intimate relationship as well. That's gonna be the real test.. my mother knows, and she's totally cool with it, but how to you break it to people who are more "conservative" and "old fashioned" like his parents? Do you just let them find out? Wait a little while longer so they just assume... any ideas anyone??


Posts: 22 | From: H*ton, NY | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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this is prob. always relevant, so I'll just tack my bit on...

I feel quite fortunate - I am very close to my bf's mom (or mum, I should say since I'm now in Australia). She is practically my surrogate mother. And she treats me just like a daughter. Like a while ago my bf and his dad went away for a weekend, so we curled up in the same double bed and watched DVDs all night. Before I met them I would have been freaked out by sharing a bed with my future mother-in-law, but by now it is just the perfectly natural thing to do. Actually, it's been said a few times - meeting the parents is scary to think about but usually fine once you've done it.


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Originally posted by LilBlueSmurf:

Would you ever do something like that? How did you get to know your partner(s) family? Good or bad experiences to share? Speak now or forever hold your peace!

Well I met my bfs parents really quickly. In fact I met his whole family quickly. I was not nervous at all. We all met at there house it was pretty casual. We actually get along good. Actually next wkend, Im going on a camping trip with his family. Im more nervous about the bugs, then his parents. :-)

Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I've had a hard time getting to know my boyfriends parents. We come from totally different walks of life. The way they do things is just totally different than the way my family does. I'm open to new ideas and ways of doing things, but it makes getting to know them much harder. Sometimes I get angry at them about the way they treat Nick. It's like as soon as he went to college they expect him to support them. I won't go on about that now, but it's difficult for me to get over that.

Sometimes it feels like the only things that I have in common with his parents are that we both eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom.

Also, Nick isn't that close or dependent on his family so it's hard for me to get close to them.

But I'm still trying. I try to start conversations with them when I'm over, and a lot of times when we go to his mom's house, we make dinner for them or something. We always invite them to do whatever we're doing, but usually they'd rather watch tv or something....

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My b/f's parents are so cool. He's always complaining about them, saying his mom is a lunatic and his dad is so "not cool" but I found them caring and nice. His mom thinks I'm sweet. His older brother told me that he likes me best out of all Scott's girlfriends he's had. But then he asked if he turns me I don't know about him.
If I ever actually married my b/f then I would have some pretty nice parents-in-law.

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Due to the fact that I am extrememly shy, it took me awhile to warm up to my b/f's parents. His Dad was nice to me right away, and played around with me.

His Mom was another story. Sometimes I think she is jealous of me. She was always saying rude things to me and just acting cold. She would never engage in a conversation with me. Then one day my b/f had it out with her and made her cry so she has been a little nicer to me. Now that I am comfortable around his house, I will talk to them.

so it was kinda hard for me in the beginning, but now it is better.

Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.

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Ok...well, i had met my b/fs parents and his older brother a few time before we were together, so it wasn't too bad, and we've actually gotten pretty cool. his parents love me (or so he says) and they're always wicked nice to me. almost everytime i go over there his brother offers to let me stay with him at college since i want to look at the school he goes to. i think i huge step in becoming friendly with them though was when he went about away for 3 weeks, and i ended up calling and asking if i could go to the airport with them to pick him that was a good hour, hour and a half of time w/ his family w/o him. big step considering my last b/fs parents thought i was shy and anerxoic...(completly opposite of both) i also stayed at his house until like midnight the night he got home...and the next night i went over for dinner and we played trivial pursuit...they're wicked smart so i felt kinda dumb, but it was fun. even before all this, last feb. they had offered to take me on their ski trip with them...(too bad i was grounded.) but its all good. they're nice people.
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I would have loved an oppurtunity to meet my partner's mother. She was an awesome woman. However, she passed away on September 10, 2001.

He was the child of a one-night stand, so he doens't know his father.

The rest of his family is VERY Catholic, and he is the black sheep of the family. He is protecting me from them.

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I get to meet my girlfriend's mom when I go with for three days to their country house. That should be interesting
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I met my boyfriend's family for the first time when we first started dating a while back. (We've been together for close to 11 months.) I feel sad that his mom and grandma passed a long time ago and I won't be able to meet the 2 people he was closest to. His family loves me and my grandmother thinks he is sooooo sweet. My mother on the other hand doesn't like him that much but I think it's only cause she thinks he's trying to take her babygirl away but that isn't even the case. Everything is fine!!!

Boogie Black
Still Going Strong!!!
Forever and Always!!!

Posts: 137 | From: The Home of The Greatest: NY | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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When we first started dating our parents were cool. Then things got crazy and my mom disliked him and his mom liked me. Then his mom disliked me and my mom still disliked him. now his mom dislikes me still but my mom likes him. It really put us through some crazyness. But we still move on.


Posts: 57 | From: Cincinnati Ohio United States | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well i was on a 3 week trip when i met my boyfriend. So we were together for 3 weeks (living together, and spending every waking moment together. It felt like 3 months) before i met his parents. But by the time i met his family i knew a ton about them because he told me about them. I ended up really enjoying his family. They're so much a family, that they're hard not to like. They're a lot different from mine, but i really like his brothers, his mom and his dad. Sometimes i feel like part of the family, but sometimes I'm treated purely like a guest and that's awkward. I've also met his mom's side of the family at a family birthday party which was fun!

My boyfriend has met my parents many times. He see's them less though cause i've got two different houses and so our time there is split. He's spent a lot more time with my dad and his finacee because he comes on our family trips sometimes. Both my parents and my grandparents absolutly adore him which is totally awesome!

We see each other's parents all the time since we're both still living at home (we're only 15). But it's easy since everyone get's along.


Posts: 83 | From: Seattle, Washington | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Bumping this back up with the important tip that it's really not cool to offer your girlfriend's stepdad pot or to charge two porns on the pay-per-view.

Hopefully my sister's boyfriend will improve as he gets to know us. Or at least behave in a respectful manner.

"Don't you know about the new fashion, honey? All you need are looks and a whole lot of money." -- Billy Joel, "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me"

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I really like my boyfriend's family. I had already known his father because he was a teacher at the high school we went to. I still call his dad "sir" when I see him at my boyfriend's house!

We had been dating about 1 month before I met his mom. I was worried about it because the last serious boyfriend I had, his mom hated me. She was jealous and thought I was a bad influence. She had a lot of personal problems though. My current partner's mother really likes me, and is always dropping hints about us getting married, which is good, because we see that as a definite possibility. At least I know I would be spared the stereotypical mother-in-law experience!

Posts: 25 | From: Toronto, ON, Canada | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Here's my story!!!

Well Isaiah and I dated for 2 weeks (unoffically) before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. The date of being becoming a couple was on May 27, 2001.

My 'rents met him the week before we actually went public with our relationship. They liked him but not like 100% sure then. They got truly comfortable and liking him 100% about almost a year into the relationship. Isaiah also met my mom's side of the family when we had a family function about 2-3 weeks after having met my 'rents. My cousin Jill and her husband, Billy loves Isaiah. Jill herself wants us to come up in the new year to visit them and stay overnight!

I met Isaiah's mom about just lil after a month of being together. She seemed nice and is younger than my 'rents (only about 10 years) because she had Isaiah when she was 18. The most bonding i probably ever have done is this year. Actually, it was just recently... about almost 2 weeks ago. I helped her for three hours decorating the house with xmas stuff and her own personal tree (Isaiah and I have OUR tree). I didn't meet his now ex step-dad Scott till about almost a year into the relationship.

His relatives & cousins are out of the city, about 45-1 hour away. I didn't get to meet his cousin Shawn (who's almost Isaiah's age) till about later in 2002. I just met the rest of Isaiah's family (relatives & cousins) this summer at his Cousin Sharmane's stag and doe (she got married this September to Matt). I met his cousin Shannon (who i totally bonded with) at Sharmane's wedding.. she was living in BC and had come down for the wedding.. She's now moving back to her hometown-same area where the rest of the relatives are! . I'll see them on Christmas Day at Isaiah's. Oh his family absoultely loves me!!! They love that I make Isaiah happy! They do actually want to see us married (which is awesome because we are planning to get married the year i graduate from university!)

As for sexual matters. My 'rents knew early on in the relationship that we are sexually active and same for his 'rents only that it was lil bit later in the first year. Both parents are fine with it.

So to date, Isaiah and I've been together for 2 and half years. We have met both of our families (finally!) and both families love us!!!


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I kno how u fell spending time with your partners parents isn't all that. ......Trust me i need help myself...(lol)
Posts: 116 | From: Va,Usa | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Heh. I met my bf's family (parents, grandma, and little sister) on our first date.

He had invited me to his sister's honor choir concert, and his parents had suggested that we had dinner with them. (He really hadn't planned it that way, poor boy) His mom didn't know that it was an actual date, since he has some gal pals that he hangs out with, but his dad knew. I was a little nervous, because I didn't know him that well, and here I was with his family. They were actually a really cool bunch, and I'm glad that we got the "meeting the parents" thing over with so quickly, LOL.

Posts: 218 | From: CA | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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