there is this guy that i think i am falling for. he is sort of a "nerd" but he is really sweet to me. during the summer we talk a lot but in school i feel kind of embarrassed to talk to him. i know i shouldn't care what others think, but i do. if anyone could tell me what they think about this or what i should do, i would appreciate it. im not in a desperate situation. i mean no one even knows i have feelings for him. i just can't make them go away. please help!
Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Hi My advice is go for it girl who cares what anyone else thinks if you like the guy then go for it who knows he could be just the one you have been looking for and if you don't try you may never know
It seems to me like your feelings are trying to tell you something. I am not 100% sure what you mean by "nerd," but I am taking it to mean somebody who is relatively unpopular and "bookish" in school.
The lines in high school are weirdly defined, and can change at the drop of a hat. While one day you may be popular, the next day you may not be. I would encourage you to cross the lines, regardless of what people think, and spend time with the person you have feelings for. Anybody who would tease you for crossing some sort of imaginary "popularity line" wouldn't be worth your time and friendship anyway.
If I can offer some personal experience...in 10th grade I had a crush on a girl who seems quit similar to the guy you are falling for. She was far outside of my circle of friends and seemed very different from us. But lo and behold, when I started dating her and she began to spend more time with my group of friends, we realized she was just like us and we got along quite well together. So these things happen, and you'll never know until you give him the chance.
------------------ "Verdugo, Engine 14; you can cancel all units responding to this structure fire...this is just a dishwasher gone bad."
Ya know, I like nerds. I always have, and I probably always will. If you showed me a line of guys, and asked me who I'd be interested in having a relationship with, I'll choose the nerdy ones everytime. The first time my best friend saw a pic of my current partner, she said he looked like he was just my type...kinda nerdy.
I think perhaps you should remember that there is life after high school. Once you go to college, there's no such thing as popular and unpopular. Nobody cares about that stuff anymore. Also, remember that people who were branded nerds and outcasts in high school tend to succeed in life because they've got something to prove. For each time somebody says "You're a nerd, you'll never be anything!", there's somebody who succeeds and becomes an engineer, or a doctor, or the head of a big corporation.
This guy is just like any other guy, he's got feelings and emotions...he's human. Try to respect him enough to treat him like any other guy. Cross those social boundries if you like him, because in the long run, those boundries mean nothing. But if you can't look beyond the labels other people apply, then don't string him along. You'll only end up hurting both yourself and him.
If he likes you and you two can have a relationship, GO FOR IT!!
It seems that you do like him, but you shouldn't worry about what other people think.
I too dated someone that seemed quite out of place and lemme tell you that it was one of the best choices I ever made!
------------------ "Cos I used to be a superhero... no one could touch me, yeah not even myself.... you were like a phone booth that i somehow stumbled into... now look at me I am just like everybody else!!!"
It's very obvious that you like this guy. But if I were you I'd sit down and ask myself if his social classification (nerd) is going to bother me. Because if you want to start a relationship with someone, but hide them away because you're ashamed of how other people see them, that's just unfair. You claim he's a nerd and that it kind of embarasses you. Well, if you're going to go out with him, you must like him for it. And if other people don't like it, well then that's too bad. A relationship is about the two people in it and no one else.
------------------ Smile, though your heart is breaking....
stacie, you wont get any guff from me, and i will do my best to defend ya if you do decide to go out with him. i know i dont personally like him, but if this is who you like then i say you should give him a try. maybe he'll be the next bill gates...or something. Posts: 141 | Registered: Jun 2001
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i know sometimes it can feel awkward or embarrassing to get involved with someone that other people maybe look down on or pick on. but it's often also worth it.
one thing to keep in mind is, people who are viewed as being somewhat "nerdy" or unpopular often end up being sweeter and more respectful than "popular" people who don't mind hurting or using someone because they have learned that there will always be others flocking over to be near their popularity. it can be easy to stop respecting people when you think you can have anyone; likewise, it can be easy to maintain respect for someone when they treat you well, regardless of how others treat you.
also, as others here have said: there is life after high school! ignoring perceived social boundaries now and becoming accustomed to treating others as people rather than social clique members will be useful social skills in the future. you'll be the well-adjusted one after public school. it's all those "popular" kids who won't be able to figure out why they can't keep any friends in the real world!
Oh my gosh I went through the same thing. I am a snob though I guess because I turned him down after I lead him on. I feel really bad about it now. And the more I think about it... 2 years later... I was the nerd, I was the only person who had a problem with it and I am a horrible person. Give him a chance you don't have to date only him but you can go out on a date with him and test it out.
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2001
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I'm what everyone would call a preppy. And this last school year I found the guy I'm gonna marry. Now this guy was a long shot from a preppy, he was a cowboy. At first I had the same feelings you do. Embarassment. I'd try and talk to him but when someone I knew would see me I would just shutup and act like I was going somewhere. Then I found out I liked him alot. After that I just quit caring. And it's the best relationship I've ever had. I've learned so much and had the best time cause I had fun and loved being with him. If you like him go for. Don't listen to anyone else. Someday you may regret it.
Posts: 20 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2001
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Wow gurlie, I know exactly how you feel!! I was even about to post a topic almost exactly like this. :-) There is a guy at my school who really doesnt fit it..he hangs out with my 'group' a little, but is basically a loner or 'nerd.' I've talked to him a lot this summer, and at first I didnt like him that much then I realized how great he was. He is a true friend, and says how much he loves me and ask me to hang out all the time, and I know if I told him I liked him we would go out but I sort of hold back. I think of all the people at school being like 'o your going out with him?" but I'll get over that because u know it's YOUR life, and if this guy makes you happy, then why should anyone else care. Great guys arent that easy to find, so if you do, hang onto him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) Just dont think of him as a nerd...think of him as the guy you love and the one that loves you back. :-) :-) go for it! I know its not easy but im sure you wont regret it! :-)
Posts: 24 | From: orange.ca.us | Registered: Jun 2001
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I go for the dorky-nerdy guys, too. Freaks are the best! If he deliberately talks like a cowboy or Doctor Nick Riviera when he calls, that is SUCH a bonus! I just love a goofy-smilin', stair-fall-downin' (heh) poet boy!
Firstly, its wrong to actually label someone into a catagory. everyone is a different person and just because they are friends with certain people or dress a particular way does not catagorise them.
and if you feel that you would have to ignore this guy in school or try to change him in order for him to be good enough for you then you shouldn't be with him. you have to except him for what he is and not mould him into something hes not
I have a similar problem, The guy I like is a "freak". He wears black rock concert t's. He wears black lipstick. He likes girly smelling lotion. He wore this girly black boa thingy. He likes Rock music. I wear jeans and cute girly t-shirts or jeans and sweatshirts. I am a weirdo. I, too, like rock music, but also like country music. (old country music, Hank William Jr. and David Allen Coe and stuff.) And have a redneck country girl streak. We are like total opposites.
My problem isn't that I am embaressed by him. Because I could totally care less what people think about me. But I am scared he dosent like me back because we are total opposite and won't think I am his type. Oh, well. I like him and I really can't help it.
hey! it's ok! my ex-bf was a little on the "nerdy" side. but then again...who isn't? i think they'd just be lying to themselves if they didn't admit that there's some sort of "nerdiness" in them too. you shouldn't worry about what other people think. it shouldn't matter. your feelings are #1 when it comes to yourself. anyway, if people judge you on the basis of who you have feelings for, they're all just weenies!
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