OK... here's the issue... my bf and I have been going out for oh 9 months are so... and we get along great, he's my best friend, totally healthy honest relationship, and all that, etc. etc. So, anyhow back when it was still kinda new relationship (w/in the first 2 months) While he was at work one day I did the worst thing ever - the #1 no-no: I snooped! (OK, almost completley healthy?) It probably stemmed from being overly parnoid b/c my last bf cheated on me, and curiousity. So, of course snooping IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA, b/c if you find something upseting... what are you gonna do... talk about it?? So, I did find something... a pair of thong floral underwear from Victoria's Secret. It did upset me but b/c I had snooped I wasn't going to say anything. And I didn't until one night we both decided to stay in and drink cocktails (I'm 19 and he's 23 but I am NOT advocating underage drinking in anyway, and remember we STAYED IN did not operate motor vehcile!!!) Anyways, we were pretty smashed, and somehow underwear came up and I basically got him to admit he has a girl's pair of underwear saved (I know I'm good) and it upset me... and I was drunk so I got all emotional and so he got up and threw them away right then and there. So, after he got up the next morning I checked where I had found them before in his closet just to make sure... and they were BACK!!! So, it upset me so much that I finally admited to him I had snooped and knew he didn't actually throw them away... so then he said he didn't feel like we were married yet, even though we were committed, and the underwear is a memory of his that he doesn't feel like he should have to part w/ yet... first he told me it was of an ex-gf's he was seriuous about... and then I got upset b/c I thought it was just a souvenir from a one night type thing and then he said he had lied he thought hearing it was a one night stand would upset me more, later on now he told me that it really was his serious ex-gf's .... soooo...we made an agreement that if we ever live together he'll get rid of them (thank god) pt. being I'm moving to a whole different city to be w/ him... (and go to college) so I'll be living in a dorm... can I demand he get rid of them now?!!! It really upsets me he feels so attachted to them... I have nothing of my exes... not even pictures... I threw away every memento b/c I knew they were a part of my PAST and wanted to concentrate on the FUTURE w/ HIM. Am I wrong for wanting to watch those panties burn?
Posts: 62 | From: Raleigh, NC, USA | Registered: Mar 2001
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If it really bothers you then you have to be clear about it and tell him. You need to decide if you can be in the relationship with him if he wants to keep them. And if you're not able to do that, and he wants to keep them anyhow, then you have to do what you need to do.
Tell him how much it hurts you. Tell him everything you've written here.
------------------ Smile, though your heart is breaking....
reading this post makes me sad at the moment, some pieces of undewear i own my b'f always said he liked/ asked me specifically to wear when ewe went out, so now they always remind me of him which causes me grief cos we broke up & im crushed
sorry, this is not related to this topic nor does it help you. im sorry 4 interfering ...
------------------ Light a candle for the sinners ... set the world on fire
Okay, I suggest you sit him down and really talk to him about this.
Thing is, you might want him to get rif of the thongs but he has his reasons for keeping them. Yes, you might not like it but it is his life and there is only so much you can do to make him dump them away. Yes, you threw away all momentos of your ex bfs but that does not mean that he has to follow what you did.
Talk to him about this. Is there any other reason why he might not want to throw the thongs away? You are not wrong for being upset honey. I probably would be too.
But you need to give him the time he needs. And if you feel you cannot do that and that the fact that he is reluctant to part with the underwear is going to put a strain on your relationship, then you might want to reconsider the relationship.
But have a good heart-to-heart talk with him first. Good luck honey.
As everyone said, talk to him about it. Truthfully, I would be more upset that he lied about who's they were. I think if he has them around, you have a right to know WHY he has them around.
Now, for why I don't think it's really fair to make him get rid of them. And this is just my personal opinion. I keep a lot of things of my ex-boyfriends, nothing like underwear, but pictures, momentos, even letters. Why? I'm a sentimental person, and I don't like to throw my past away, since my past helped shape who I am now. I'm not sure how my boyfriend feels about these things, but if he sees them I plan to tell him exactly what they are. And if he asks me to throw them away; I'll have to say no. I have my reasons for keeping them. I, in no way, still have feelings for my ex's, so I feel he should respect my decision to keep them. And if it bothers him, I'll put them in boxes, tape them up, and keep them out of his sight. Simple as that.
Maybe you can talk to him, and if he's unwilling to part with them you can at least get him to put them far, far away from yours and his sight. I know I would be upset if my boyfriend had something of an ex's lying around. But I'd feel a little bit better if they were put away. Hope you two can work something out.
------------------ Lil Siren -Scarleteen Advocate "Those are some BIG ice cubes...."
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