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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm sure I'm not the only one

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Author Topic: I'm sure I'm not the only one
Member # 3642

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All right, who out of the females out there is more interested in sex than her boyfriend is? What do you do about it? Do you think that that difference between your interests in sex stays long-term/permanently, and if so, does it matter? I am in this situation and sometimes it drives me up the wall. I'd appreciate anybody's thoughts on the subject.

On the highway of life,
avoid roadkilled skunks

Posts: 3 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I've actually in my life been on both sides of this situation with male and female partners numerous times in my life. So, it really isn't a gender-based issue.

The truth of the matter is that more times than not, two partners libido levels are not identical. Even when they're very similar, they may happen at different times: for instance, yours may run high in the morning while your partners may at night. Or, there may be periods of time in which one of you ir substantially more or less interested than the other: since your horomonal levels, stress levels, emotional needs, what have you are your own, and not necessarily your partners, that's all normal and it's common for them to differ, both short and long-term.

But since a lot of that is physiological, not emotional, it's really not that big of a deal unless you make it one, or unless it IS more an emotional need. If it's physical, you can masturbate when your partner isn't interested.

If it's emotional, then it's worth looking at what you aren't getting that you need that you may be trying to compensate for with sex.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 05-06-2001).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Mee! With the stereotype guys have of being 24/7 horndogs, you'd think I was a guy. I have sex on my mind most of the time. Whenever I'm with a guy I like I think about it... and they just seem more into talking and having fun doing other things. (Which is a good thing I suppose)I mean.. I've most definitely been with guys whose sex drives were waaaay over mine.. but I've been at the opposite spectrum as well.

You should make amends with you if only for better health. But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I think the difference between your sex interest matter only if you feel it matters.

I once dated someone who refused to have sex with me. It hurt me because I felt like he wasn't interested in me enough to have sex with me. Which wasn't true, but that's how it made me feel. And honestly (and it's why I found Miz. S's advice interesting), we didn't have much of a relationship, there was a lot I was lacking emotionally from him.

My advice to you is to talk to him about this. Ask him why he isn't interested in sex. I'm sure his reasons are good ones. And if you can't accept that, ask yourself, what is more important....your relationship as a whole with this person? Or having a sexual relationship with this person?

Lil Siren
-Scarleteen Advocate
"Those are some BIG ice cubes...."

Posts: 190 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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As Miz S said, no two people have identical libidos. And I think maybe you should be more interested in why there appears to be such a difference in your interests in sex.

For me, I never used to be very interested in sex because of various reasons. It was uncomfortable (solved with some lube), I was afraid of pregnancy (solved that with the BC Pill) and I just wasn't sure how to go about sex (experiment and experiment some more).

There could be a hundred and one reasons why your bf might not share the same amount of interest in sex as you. Find out why and maybe you can see if there's anything you can do about it.

Sex is but another aspect of a relationship. And as Siren has said, if you cannot deal with his reasons for having sex, maybe you would like to ask yourself what you really want from this relationship. Is it the lack of sex you are upset about, the lack of physical intimacy or something else altogether.

Want More Lin?

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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