My parents are over-protective and pessimistic and I hate being the oldest. Easily said but let me go into greater depth:
I am 19 and, as I have stated before, living at home because I am going to an online college (which I love, by the way) and can't afford rent and board for my horse at this point in time. I'd live with my boyfriend in an instant if I had the money to and it did not risk ostracizing us from the family but that is beside the point.
My boyfriend is 26 and an absolute sweetheart. We have been dating for over a year now and are very much in love. He is everything that I have ever wanted in a guy. Oddly enough to some people, we never fight as we would both hate to upset the other and dislike fighting in general. He is my first boyfriend (he's been in a few relationships) and we both can easily see a future together. In fact, it is hard to imagine the future without him in it. He also has said that this is the first relationship that he has had that he can truly see lasting a lifetime. My girl friends call us the "perfect couple" as we are [quote] "...perfect for each other and are always so happy together." (honest!)
I love my parents but lately they are starting to grate my nerves. They are extremely pessimistic and seem to have it in their heads that my boyfriend is out to hurt me even though they like him a lot. My mom is twice divorced so I can see her concern and I have been told numerous times the divorce statistics. I hate statistics, however, (I do have an A average in it, though...hehehe... ) and am determined to put my heart on the line and beat the odds for something that I truly believe in....that is, this relationship.
My hun and I are optimists and cannot see how anyone can live a fulfilling life believing that every little thing that they do and person that they interact with is out to get them in some way, shape, or form. I feel that having all the possibilities in the back of one's mind is healthy but overly so is unnecessary. We also believe that it is necessary to lay one's heart on the line when in a relationship and that if he was out to get me in any way, he wouldn't have lasted with me this long. He doesn't want to hurt me or break my heart and yet my parents almost seem to want that to happen as if to say "I told you so". They wish the best for me and feel that I am lucky if I don't get my heart broken and yet, they seem to be almost wishing for it to happen as they talk about it so frequently.
My Dad is really tough to stand up to as he believes that he is right even when he isn't always. He is also very strong-willed and as stubborn as the day is long. My mom is a little bit better but she can be exactly the same way. They really don't make it easy to have a relationship....
I am a good girl....a smart cookie, good daughter, and loyal friend and I hate having my parents think that because I lack "experience" (he is my first boyfriend), that I am bound to get my heart broken. Is it so wrong to go through life not having your heart broken?????
Sorry that this is so long but I feel that it is all relevant. Living where I do gets harder all the time.... my boyfriend and I have this little inside joke...we say, "JUST THINK, Morgan.....just TWO MORE YEEEEAAARRRSSS....". hehehe.....*sigh*
Parents are in most cases, out to protect their children. I know that my mother is the exact same way as yours. My entire family adores my boyfriend and his family seems to like me. Now, they always say that this isn't going to last because this is the first relationship for both of us. And I can see their viewpoint and where they're coming from. But, keep in mind, it's THEIR viewpoint. Not yours. You're the one in the relationship so you're the one who knows it better than anyone (except maybe your boyfriend, since he's in it, too).
Don't listen to other people. Believe in what you like!
------------------ Smile, though your heart is breaking....
As Cypher said, most likely they have good intentions. They don't want to see you get hurt, since they know, even in the best situations.....things can happen. But sometimes, especially when it comes to love, you have to accept those risks.
To me, it sounds like you and your guy really do love eachother, and you sound smart about it. If I were you I would sit down and have a talk with your parents, they don't have to agree....just listen to you. Tell them how you feel about him, how he feels about you, your plans, your goals, and why the relationship is important to you. I think it's important for parents to know their children have thought about something, and you're being mature about the relationship.
I know my parents want to protect me from everything, especially pain. But I explain to them that all I need for them is to be there if a guy I love breaks my heart. I don't need or want them to protect me from falling in love, because that teaches me something about myself and life, it helps me grow as a person. But when I'm hurt, I will know that they're there. Hope it gets better, good luck with your guy!
Thanks SOOO much for the advice and encouragement, guys! I really appreciate it. I had a chat with my mom today, actually, on things concerning that as well as other issues that tie our relationship to my family rather too much. I have been thinking it over a lot recently and have come to the conclusion that I really love him, he really loves me, and that is the only thing that really matters. It is, indeed, OUR relationship.
My guy is truly wonderful....patient and kind in every way. I am very lucky.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.