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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is it so much to ask?

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Author Topic: Is it so much to ask?
Country Girl
Member # 3380

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This is probably not going to make sense but I need to sort some things out with some people... I am new to this board. Here's the scoop:

I am 19 and living at home (arghhh....). Don't get me at home has its advantages but it is hard when your every move is watched, regulated, and overly structured. I'd find an apartment but I simply can't afford it right now. I am in college but it is a primarily online program and so I am home about 24/7. I have two younger sisters at the ages of 13 and 18.

My boyfriend is 26 and a real sweetheart. We have been dating for over a year now and, due to the fact that we are both in college and live over an hour apart, only see each other on weekends. It is REALLY hard but we are both more than willing to make it work as we truly feel that we have a future together.

The problem is this, when he does come up, sometimes it feels as though he is visiting my family rather than me. It just happens that way because of the way my family is. We both notice this. My 13 y/o sister is always RIGHT THERE wanting to be the center of attention. I mean, I love my family but this is getting old. Sometimes it feels that he spends more time talking to them than me. NOT his fault, in any way. Our conversations are different when it's just him and me rather than him, me, and the fam. You know what I mean? We hardly get time to talk, much less spend time alone without the family.

I feel as though I haven't seen him in a month even though I "see" him every weekend. Is it so much to ask to spend time with JUST him???? Am I being selfish? I am having numerous family problems and I am sure that I will bring them up as they come up. I just need some support. Correction: Female support.

Let me know if you need any more information on the situation....Lord knows, I have it. Thanks in advance....


Posts: 80 | From: VT | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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*hugs* And welcome to the board!

I think the best thing to do would be to sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel about the situation. I assume you're the oldest child, so this is all really new to them, and it will take time to adjust. Also sometimes when you're living at home and going to college, it almost seems like you're still in high school. Like maybe you're not quite an adult yet. Your parents are probably just having a hard time adjusting to viewing and treating you like an adult.

So talk to them about it. The more up front and mature you are about it, the more likely they're going to be to actually start treating you in a more grown up fasion.


"What is the odds so long as the fire of soul is kindled..."
~Charles Dickens

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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As always, Kitten is right on the mark. Living at home, even when you are an adult, still kind of gives some parents the impression that you are a child.

I lived on-campus for the first two years of college, but was forced to return home during my 3rd year since UCLA has such a ridiculous housing shortage. When I came home, it was worse than it had been when I was in high school...I was used to all the freedom dorm life gave me, and now I had to actually pitch in and take care of the house once in a while.

Aside from that, every time my girlfriend would come over, I was no longer the center of attention! I have four younger siblings who all adored her, so she would come over to see me and then get distracted by my younger sisters instead. I completely understand how it can be a pain in the neck...I finally just figured that I'd start taking her on "outings" every time she came over, just in order to have some quality time away from family members.

I'm sure that by grabbing your boyfriend as soon as he comes over, and dragging him out someplace else, you could get the quality alone time with him that you want...and he'll probably appreciate it too. Good luck to ya!


It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

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Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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All good advice.

Talk to your family about it. Chances are they are not doing it on purpose so if you could just tell them gently, I am sure they will realise how they are in a way, monopolising your boyfriend's time.

Tell them that it is cool that they want to spend time with him but to be fair, when you want to bring him outside or to your room or anywhere else, they should get the hint and leave you guys alone.

Try talking to them and see how it goes. Gd luck hon.

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Country Girl
Member # 3380

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You guys are great. Thanks a lot. Sometimes I just need another opinion. I saw my hun Friday and Yesterday... we had a wonderful time away from the family (for once!). The only problem is that I miss him terribly already.... It only gets worse in the amount that I miss him each week.

I am so lucky.
Thanks again.

Posts: 80 | From: VT | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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