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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parent Problems

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Author Topic: Parent Problems
Member # 2834

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Recently, my parents (especially my mom) have become soo overprotective. They think, that at 13, I shouldn't be doing some of the stuff my friends do but what they don't understand is that I'm mature enough to do it (i'm in 8th grade,get good grades, always reliable, and almost too mature for my age). They won't allow me to ride the bus home from the mall with a whole bunch of guys and girls,won't allow me to go out places with my friends sometimes, and are always pushing me to stay home and baby-sit my little brother.

I bascially raised my little brother cuz I have two working parents but yet they overlook the mature side of my and continue to baby me.Talking doesn't help either, I've tried it. They just laugh and say maybe when you get older like their mission is to make my life a living hell.

Another thing is that I'm not allowed to live my own life. My mom makes plans that involve me and doesn't ask me if I'm available or not. I am dragged to every single family thing, some which are not important. I envy my friends who can go out on weekends to the mall because most of the time, I'm too busy with a family party or baby-sitting.

Besides my family being way too involved in my life, I'm basically baby-sitting my little brother (who is 3 by the way) every night for a few hours. I don't get payed for any of it and its ruining my close friendships because there is hardly any time to hang out with my friends.

Wow... I needed to get that out...I just need some advice or help--and having a heart to heart talk does not work.. so you can forget that!


"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."

Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2232

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hey sistah, i totaLLy TOTALLY TOTALLY understand.

my parents r also totally overprotective. even in hawaii...where it's pretty much impossible 2 get stranded by bus, they're paranoid about me and buses. i've been draGGed 2 every family event i can remember, and they don't realize that i'm a lot more capable of handling myself.

they're paranoid about me going out with friends, boyfriend, basicaLLy anyone. my mom thinks i surf @ pipeline and hates me going surfing. she makes me fill out forms b4 i go out...who, what, when, where, names (1st, last), every pager/ceLL #, if a movie: where, how long, rating, title, is my bf goNNa be there?

so if u're in a twist, drop me a line! hope things get beTTEr

peace, love, & seXwax!

Posts: 117 | From: Honolulu, HI | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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Dearie, sounds like it's time for a little reality check, eh?

I seriously doubt that your parent's mission "is to make my life a living hell". - They care about you and think you need rules; a pretty legitimate mission for parents of a 13 year old, don't you think? I assume that when they don't want you to go to some places, they simply worry about what might happen there - maybe they don't even know *why* you want to go somewhere?
And what Surfer wrote in regards to wanting to know which movie you want to see, which rating and who's going to be there...that all sounds very very reasonable to me.

My advice would be to simply try discussing this with them again; and doing that in a calm, grown up manner, without whining and without giving "what your friends are allowed to do" as reasons. Communication really goes a long way. Or try arranging little deals with them a la "I look after little bro" and can in exchange take the bus back home once. Or whatever.

If your parents don't change their opinion, I'm afraid there's not much you can do apart from showing them you're responsible and deserve trust, you simply can't force them to let you go - they are your parents and you need to live by their rules at least for the next few years.

Maybe Bobo (who's a parent) can add some perspective on that, too.

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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I feel for you. When I was your age (I'm 16 now) my parents were exactly like that. It got better for me. But I still get dragged to family things, but things have really gotten better. I can schedule my own life as long as they know about it. I can go almost anywhere as long as they know where I am. I can stay after school for a half an hour to work on a project and they don't worry about it. Just hold on, things will probably get better. And if they don't, sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with your parents. If that doesn't work, talk to your couselor at school. (I don't know if you have one, but everyone in my high school is assigned one) My counselor will serve as a moderator between me and my parents if things aren't working out.

Smile and hang in there!


Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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gals, i know where you're coming from. when i was 13 i wasn't allowed to go to school dances, hang out with boys, talk to boys on the phone, **shave my legs**, or go to sleepovers. even when i was 16, my curfew was 9pm (don't even tell me about strict folks, i had a good pair!) and yeah, at the time it really sucked.

but you know what? 7 years later, i realize that they were just looking out for me. as much as you hate to hear it, they're right (took me that long to figure it out?). they really are. you have your entire life to go to the mall, and trust me, the novelty wears off very quickly. and just because your friends can go out doesn't mean it's right for them or you. you probably have a few advantages over them anyway.

but you're probably not quite sold yet. so lemme leave you with this. begging and pleading isn't gonna win them over just yet. you have to just go along with their rules for a while and prove to them that you deserve some new priveleges. they'll come around eventually. just don't defy them or throw any tantrums. that'll only make you look like a brat.

This space reserved for the free exchange of thoughts and ideas.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 558

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My parents were like that when I was your age, I'll tell you what I did but I'm not advising you to give it a try because it caused some huge arguments.

My parents use to keep me indoors most of the time when my friends were going out, I wasn't allowed to, I tried talking to them but they never took me seriously and thats when all the trouble started b/c I have a short temper, I would shout at them, cuss at them. They made plans for me to go to family partys without asking if I wanted to go or not.

So I decided to play them at there own game, instead of goimg home from school I arranged to go to the mall with what friends I had. and just so they couldn't get in touch with me I turned my mobile phone off.

Going back home was the worst part because I knew I would have to face the music, So I had to calm myself just so I would get into a fight with them, that went on for months untill on day i think my mum accepted it.

I was just about to head out to mt friends house and my dad got meand we sat down and just talked and it felt so weired because I had never talked with my dad that much not like this anyway. They finally let me go out when i wantd on the basis that I told them where I was going to be and that i left my phone turned on

so it all worked out in the end I just wish I didn't have rebel against them.

Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1894

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I definately see where you are coming from. Sometimes, to your parents it seems very difficult to let their kid. It will get better with time.
If it doesn't, then you need to have a chat with your parents, and don't be afraid to tell them how you feel.


Posts: 7 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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