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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » friends finding out

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Author Topic: friends finding out
Member # 247

Icon 1 posted      Profile for michelle     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i have a problem...i hope this doesn't end up being too long and i'm sorry if it does but here it goes...

I have been with my bf for a little over 8 months now and i love him so much. We started having sex about 2 months ago and my 3 best friends recently found out. They asked me and i told them because i didn't want to lie to them. I hadn't told anyone and neither had my bf because we felt like it was a very personal thing and should stay between us. (i have also told my mom though and he is going to tell his dad). One of my best friends is completely supportive and understanding and understands why i didnt' tell her sooner.

My other best friend gave me a lecture on God and sins and how sex should be saved until marriage. I believe in God but I don't believe that sex is a sin. She has told me that she will still stand by me and be my friend but that she no longer respects me because I went against the bible and she doesn't trust me anymore either.

My other best friend will not talk to me anymore. She said she doesn't want to see me or hear from me. She also told me about how she thinks it is wrong since I am not married, but she is extremely mad at me because I didn't tell her right away. She says that since we are best friends and tell each other everything that I should've told her right away and she is very hurt that it took me 2 months to tell her. She says i disappointed her and she can't count on me anymore and that she doesnt' know if we are even friends anymore. This whole situation is killing me. They are my best friends and have been for 12 years. I love them so much and I dont' know what to do.

My bf has been very supportive and sweet and we both think that my friend is over reacting. Have any of you experienced something like this? or do any of you know what i should do? i really want to save my friendships but I'm not sure how. My friend said we should have space from each other and i am giving her her space and leaving her alone, but this is still killing me.

DAWSON:TheWizard ofOz?
GRETCHEN:Exactly. Its what everybody remembers about the movie, but it doesnt resonate w/the rest of the story...And sure it has its problems. Poppy fields, flying monkeys...
DAWSON: --Talking trees.
GRETCHEN: But along the way you make friends. Good friends. W/people you never knew existed when you were growing up: straw people and tin people and --
DAWSON: -- Lions.
GRETCHEN: Exactly. And you help each other realize that all the things you want to be -- you already are.

Posts: 100 | From: TX, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Milke     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Eeeek. When my best friend finally found out, it was a pretty awkward situation, especially considering that that friend also happens to be an ex of sorts. Another friend didn't seem to care, but later, slept with someone for the first time, and became incredibly competitive (I really didn't care how big his dick was, or what he did with it!). And other friends didn't even feel the need to ask. I don't really know what to adivse you, other than you might want to mention to the friend who felt betrayed because you didn't tell her that you were just shy, but you're glad she's able to accept it, sorry you hurt her, and hope she understands.

For the other friend . . . err . . . She really is imposing her beliefs on you, and though she feels they make sense, doesn't seem to realise they may not be the best for you. Could you have a talk about religious diversity? Even just as a way to start conversation about your friendship.

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3087

Icon 1 posted      Profile for italienprincess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
im sorry for you, but mainly for your friends. they are the ones missing out on being friends with you. i know i can't really say ne thing, i'm still terrified to tell my friends, but i do wish i had your courage.
if they do really have a problem with you being sexually active, just explain to them that sex is in fact a special, private, thing just as they pointed out. it shouldn't really matter to them what goes on between you and your guy, as long as your happy.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When my friends found out I was having sex, the only thing that crossed their mind was "Did it hurt"?

And suddenly I was like this sex expert.

Hon, if your friends are going to judge you by their own morals and their own beliefs, I don't think that is very fair towards you. And hey, if they are so adamnant on not keeping the friendship, fine.

You cannot do anything to change the beliefs they have and you shouldn't have to. As long as you think that what you did was right and you were responsible, I don't see what's the problem here.

There will be other friends hon who can accept youfor you. *hugs*

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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