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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » HELP: I don't wanna be a cheater!

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Author Topic: HELP: I don't wanna be a cheater!
XoXoGrl8
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Hey! I have a problem. My boyfriend has been gettin really irriatble lately and completely blowin me whenever we talk. He lives about 30 min. away but we talk every day. Our realationship isn't based on looks or anything but we truly have a great relationship with each other.

Lately though, its just gettin boring. His friends hate me and my friends hate him and we almost never see each other because of the long distance thing.I need a pyhsical relationship too, and its just not happening.

Recently, I met a guy that lives in my town. He's everything i would look for in a guy. Cute, Sweet, Smart, and Funny. I want to break it off with my boyfriend for now and go out with this guy because I think it will be better for both me and my boyfriend to see other people.

When highschool starts, I'll be back with my boyfriend so I was thinkin we can try to get back together then.

I don't want ot be a cheater and stay with him and go with the other guy at the same time! DO you think I'm makin sense!? HELP!

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-Ashli-

"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."


Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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you don't want to be a cheater? then don't be one. that's pretty simple.

it's a bit of a cop out to say you "need" a physical relationship. truth is, you don't. you will not die if you don't orgasm in the next 48 hours. and if you honestly think you will, then masturbate. your hand won't fall off and you won't go blind.

do you like your boyfriend? do you want him to be your boyfriend? if you answered yes to these questions, then what does it matter that your friends don't like him? who are you? the spice girls? ("if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends" ... yeah, right ) or are you making excuses to yourself to dump him? do you want to dump him? then do it. it's not worth it being unhappy and bored.

can this other guy give you what you want? if you want a relationship and all he wants is a piece of pie, then it's not gonna work out. but if you both like each other and it looks in your favor and the other guy you were already daing is a loser, then ditch the loser and take the new guy.

hope i haven't offered you too many options, but imho, it's pretty logical what you can do 'bout your situation.

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This space reserved for the free exchange of thoughts and ideas.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
antonio99
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whoa...
kinda tough to tackle this question. I have had a friend who felt like you. She had a long distance relationship and couldn't stand the wait. So she liked another guy and felt it was bad not telling her bf.

So what happened ? Well, she hooked up with this guy she liked and didn't tell her bf about it. In the end, she felt guilty but she never had any sexual relations.

truth is... we're all social sexual human beings. Sometimes we have the urge to have physical contact. Other times we can't hold it.

if I were you, masturbate. if you're saying you don't want to be a cheater then that's pretty simple.

I dun know what physical contact you're talking about. But if you want sex... discuss it with your bf. If you want to feel loved, then you should talk about it with your bf.

Tell him how you feel.

antonio99


Posts: 208 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I feel the need to mention tnat 30 minutes away is not a great distance. It's a short bus ride. In a major city, thanks to traffic, it could take you that long at any given time to get somewhere in your own neighborhood.

I had a partner for years who lived an hour away -- it doesn't classify as a long -distance relationship by any stretch of the imagination.

What Gumdrop said is sound: sounds like a lot of these issues are excuses when the truth of the matter may be that you and your guy don't even like each other very much anymore, and you're just scared of being alone.

And that ain't fair to either of you.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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Okie hon, you live 30 mins away. Some people live 30,000 miles away.

Do you want to make this work? Because if you do, you will come up with better ideas than breaking up with ur bf for now and then getting back with him when it suits your agenda.

If you want a polyamorous relationship, talk to him about it. Or just talk to him. Tell him the distance is bothering you and see how you can work on it. But he is also a human being and deserves to be respected as such. You shouldn't have the right to dump him and take him back at your whim and fancy.

I think you need to give some serious thought to this relationship. Do you want to be with him? Or do you want some guy whom you can see everyday? What do you want? When you have figuered it out, tell your bf about it.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
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Just a sidenote (from me, living with 16.409km away from my partner):
IMHO (and only my opinion!) you end a relationship because you either don't love your partner (anymore) or because you don't see this working out or because something is simply wrong; but not because "trying" to make it work is too much work.
If you want to make something work, you can, and you will.

I agree with Heather here, it sounds to me like you just don't like each other very much anymore and are scared about being alone.

Hon, time to sit down to do some major thinking and then talk about this with your guy.

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"I am capable of, but sometimes not interested in making myself happy."


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daniel
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If you're geting tempted just because he's 40 minutes away, then you should probably reconsider your relationship's Terms and Conditions... *rolls eyes*
Posts: 105 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XoXoGrl8
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LOL, first off by pyschical relationship I did not mean in any way-sex-!! I'm 13, hell-o! And yes, 30 min. is a long way away- I can't drive and I have siblings so therefore my parents aren't willing to take me to his house whenever I please.Haha... I do luv my boyfriend but its hard to sit by and watch everybody else wit all of their boyfriends and me not have mine close to me!

He's also cheated...only once that I know of but his friends have hinted that he has cheated more than that!

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-Ashli-

"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."

[This message has been edited by XoXoGrl8 (edited 03-15-2001).]


Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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In a word: if you really love someone, you will not even vaguely consider such a thing as this idea of being with someone else now, then filling in the gap with your boyfriend later when school starts.

That's not fair, it's not kind, and it is patently disrepectual and even somewhat manipulative.

Honestly? Sounds to me like you just aren't ready for a serious realtionship, and know what? That's totally fine...except if you stay in one when you know it isn't right for you just because you don't want to be alone. That isn't fine. If you think it is, why not tell your boyfriend all of this and see if he thinks it's fine.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XoXoGrl8
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Talk about being blunt! You make me sound like a horrible person, Miz Scarlet.

I do luv him! I am ashamed to say that at the time of writing my post, i was being overwhelmed by my friend's opinions of the relationship because I had talked about him in front of him and was bombarded with opinions all at one time.

Ever have a bad few days? Well those were my bad days for this week. And since my boyfriend wasn't there guess who I turned to? The guy from my town.. I wound up talkin on the phone with him for hours.

Now, me emotionally weak, with all this going on was too much so I came on here and wrote all that and I'm sorry I ever did.

------------------
-Ashli-

"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."


Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Not making the best choices or being unable to see the far-reaching apsects of our actions or ideas doesn't mean you're a horrible person, nor did I say or imply as much.

It just means you're human, and you're very green when it comes to relationships.

However, I would still say what I said above, and I hope you give it some thought.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XoXoGrl8
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UPDATE!

Both me and my boyfriend had the idea that the long-distance (whatever ur gonna call it) relationship wasn't gonna work out. SO we decided to take a break and see other people for now and we made a deal when highschool starts that we would get back together.

The good thing is there is no hard feelings and we still act the same (just turned down a notch).Personally I think we were getting too serious too fast.

Question is: This guy that lives by me is going to ask me out b/c he was waiting until me and my boyfriend split up. But me and my "ex" are still kind of together(even though we are free to do whatever we please)would it be right?

------------------
-Ashli-

"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."


Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I am now confused (though very pleased you and yours had an honest talk).

You say you have agreed to date others, but you're asking if you can, even though that is what you agreed you both can do?

I mean, either you two can date others or you can't, no? I suppose I just don't undertand the conflict given what you just posted about this new agreement.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XoXoGrl8
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We both said we could.. but I'm not sure he really meant it. He's still really attached to me, even though we did break up. SO emotionally would it hurt him if I started dating other people?

------------------
-Ashli-

"Treat me like an angel and you'll go to heaven."


Posts: 132 | From: New Jersey...US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Whoa ... when you put it like that, you make it seem like you did the dumping, and he just went along w/ it.

If you're not w/ him, then i don't see any reason why you shouldn't be dating other people. If he is, it should be acceptable for you to do the same.


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Lin
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Have to agree with the smurf on this.

If you are so unsure on what's going on, get back to your boyfriend and talk some more because the talk obviously did nothing more than assure you that you could date another guy.

And really, either you guys have broken up or you haven't. And if you have, you are free to date whoever you want.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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