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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Loneliness, Caring, and other conflicts

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Author Topic: Loneliness, Caring, and other conflicts
Member # 2639

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I was wondering does anyone out there ever just have a dying need to not feel so alone. Does lonliness ever empty you so much that your life feels like a great viod sucking in anything. I have found myself so wanting sooo badly to have someone specail in my life. I just want somone to be accepting of care and someone that cares for me. I want this so badly in my life that I can't figure out who in my life would be wiling to share this with me. One person in myy life is an friend who I am acquainded with but don't see very offten and I mis seeing her. I think maybe I mis her because I care for her.
At the same time there is a girl in my art class that I have conversations with before class and I have simerlar feeling of care toward her. With her there is a feeling of acceptance like she wonders who I am and would be willing to know me. In an even more complicated twist at my church there is a girl that I can barly even apporch because I feel like everything I say is like flirting. I have seen how nice she is to me and others and I would like to be able to do things with her without feeling like I have to hold back. I'm not not even sure I deserve to get into a relationship with anyone. I don't have a lot to offer anyone right now. I feel like I can't even decide what a want to do until I get more things going for me. Has anyone else ever been in this sort of situation.

I find a Want.
I want a Need.
I need a Deeper love.

Posts: 52 | From: Kennewick, wa, usa | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's really common to feel that sort of lonliness in your teens.

Know what though? When you feel that way, usually being in a relationship creates an even worse feeling -- a feeling of being alone when there is someone else right there.

The hard truth is that being with someone else simply for the sake of feeling less alone is usually a recipe for disaster. Why? Because when someone feels like this they're awfully needy, and essentially using someone else to fill a gap in yourself isn't what a relationship is all about.

The best first step you can take is to learn to like your own solitude rather than think of it as a torture chamber. A big part of feeling "lobely" has to do with not liking to be with yourself, by yourself. And if you can't do that, then even when someone comes along who DOES love you and want to be with you, you'll doubt them, and you'll feel undeserving and insecure because you won't be able to fathom what they see in you.

You gotta fix the you-part first.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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I know very few people who like being lonely. Being alone is different from being lonely.

I have never felt that void. Honestly. Because I don't give myself the time or the chance to have that void in the first place.

When you talk about a special someone, do you mean a partner, a friend?

The only practical advice I would have for you would be to build up friendships slowly. There will always be someone you are more attracted to so just go ahead and talk to these people, find out more about them. Some of these friendships might develop into something more. Some might just remain strong, everlasting friendships. Either way, you can't lose.

And really, of course you deserve to have your special someone. And that special someone will come. *hugs*

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2639

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For the most part I just want to have a friend in my life. I have a few friends. The problem is I feel like I have to have a reason to talk to them or do somthing with them. The other problem is that with a recent change in school lifstyle none of our scedules seem to mesh anymore. I guess I'm looking for someone that is already a part of my daily life. I want a friend I can talk to openly without having to worry about iplications of my actions. Just someone who I can get to know and understand that will already be there otherwise. I just don't know who I would like to share things with yet. I want it to be one person simply cause I the relationship to be specail. I also don't want to be needy as it has been put. I want to have someone to listen to as well. Just listen somtimes. I want someone I can grow and change with by sharing those important changes in my life.
Posts: 52 | From: Kennewick, wa, usa | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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I know what you feel like. I think we all want someone special that we can spend time with, trust, talk to, and listen to. It sounds great, doesn't it? I think that your best bet now is just to build friendships. Start spending time with people you're really interested in by maybe walking with him or her in the halls, joining clubs that they're in, or something like that. I think that might help in building friendships. And you know what I do when I want to talk to someone but no one's around? I talk to my cat. LOL.... I know it soudns silly, but think about it! A pet won't tell anyone your secrets, they can't interupt you, and they'll even lick you while you're talking! Now that's something you hardly ever find in a friend... LOL! But anyway, I wish you luck on your search I hope you find someone special. Take care, and keep me informed!
Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I feel like that alot too. ALOT. Especially since me and my last b/f broke up, I've been feeling very lonely, like a need someone special to talk to who will be there and understand exactly how I feel. It seems that lately I'm drifting away from my friends (like you are), but I've realized that me and my friends are just two totally different groups of people. You should join groups, clubs, or sports at school so that you can meet other people. (And I assure you that if you join things you probably WILL make a ton of new friends.) I'm sure that you have plenty to offer, you just need to meet more people who are like you. Someone who shares your interests and will be there for you.

It's normal to feel lonely evrey once in awhile, especially in your teens. But I'm sure if you look around you'll find the perfect person for you. It may sound hard to believe, but there's probably someone in your school right now who you would relate to perfectly. Getting to know more people is a great way of finding someone.

Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."

Posts: 492 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2639

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That's a good Idea I could jion some groups at school. I can't get into sports very well the the only sport I'm good at is throwing Javalin and well I'm sorta good a distance running. There's no track team here though. Mabey instead I can find some freinds that play instuments. I'm not very good at playing the guitar. At least I don't know many songs. but I have written a couple and am workng on anoughter right now. It would be nice to add other sounds to the songs If I find anyone that can play. Thank you

Posts: 52 | From: Kennewick, wa, usa | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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