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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » completely miserable with love life

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Author Topic: completely miserable with love life
Member # 2682

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(Deep sigh) I have so much on my mind I think I'm going to explode. Sorry if this is reeeaaally long. Here's the deal. I've been with my great boyfriend for three years. He is my first everything. We are both 19 now and have been planning on spending the rest of our lives together. I never questioned that until now because I love him so deeply. Sure there are things that bother me, but nobody's perfect, right? But aside from that he's wonderful. Recently, I've had an attraction to this guy, but I ignored it. He is my boyfriend's roomie's cousin. We met about 6 months ago. It gets complicated because now he feels the same way. At first I struggled with the thought of missing out on a new expirience, but then I began to question if I had been right about my boyfriend. My whole reality is being tossed around and I'm caught in the middle. Well, I talked to this guy about it and he's totally understanding but the problem is that he kissed me. And I kissed him back. And the whole time all I could think of was my boyfriend. This guy seems to think that my boyfriend is not right for me, whether he is or not. Now I feel so guilty, my boyfriend would never cheat on me. I wonder if maybe the reason I find this other guy so attractive is because deep down I'm not satisfied with my current relationship. Would it be ok to talk to my boyfriend and try and rekindle things, or not? Even though I know I should be honest with him, I can't bring myself to tell him about the kiss. And if I stay with my boyfriend, it will probably be hard to maintain an innocent relationship with the guy, or evenjust be friends without hurting my boyfriend. Ugg, I'm so confused right now. I didn't want to have this kind of complication in my life. I was perfectly happy with my boyfriend until this other guy came along. And deep down I know this other guy isnt the one because even though he's great, I dont agree with his religion, which is not a compromisable issue. I need some serious advice. If you do think I should worl it out with my boyfriend, what would be a good way to go about it?????? Thanks for your help.
Posts: 19 | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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I'm celebrating my third year anny with my guy in a week. He is my first boyfriend and I want to spend my life with him.

So many times, I have asked myself. Am I missing out on anything? I'm only going to have sex with one guy all my life? Kiss only one guy? Hold only one guy's hand?

So many times I wanted to leave, for no other reason than to search for greener pastures. Bottomline, I was scared. I was terrified that "This Is It Lin. Your one and only guy."

But I have put all that behind me. I Love Him. Dearly. And that's what really matters to me. It wasn't really the sex and the hand holding. It was just the knowledge that he would be the only one. Plus I had friends on my back going "Are you sure?" Friends who have had so any boyfriends but could never find the kind of happiness I have with my bf.

Are you happy hon? Or do you want more? It might be a good idea to just take a break and re-evaluate your relationship. that's what I did and only after that break did I realise how much he meant to me. How big a role he played in my life. As a friend, lover, everything.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. If you ever feel that he isn't the one you want or you want something more that he cannot give you, maybe it's time to end the relationship. Coz this feeling of uneasiness and dis-satisfaction will only grow and grow.

And I say 'fess up on the kiss. If you kissed this guy, be prepared to handle the consequences. Plus, if your bf every finds out from someone else, things could become much much worse.

Before you talk to your bf, you think about what YOU want. It's perfectly okay to go after what you want. It really is. And when you have come to a decision, talk to him. Gd luck hon. If you need to talk about this, I'm always available. On icq and by email. *hugs*

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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In all honesty, if you can't be open and truthful with the person you're with -- even when it's hard -- something isn't right, whether it's the relationship itself, or the situation.

It's never easy to talk about this sort of thing, but frankly, not saying anything is basically putting up one brick in a wall that will grow with every lie you tell to cover up that one, or with every omission you hold back.

This stuff happens. And it's also fine and normal to find other people attractive and that you do doesn't mean you don't love the person you're with -- that being with one person makes the whole rest of the world unattractive is romance-novel mythology that just isn't how things usually work.

But when that starts to translate into acting on those attractions, you owe it to your partner and yourself to talk about it very openly and honestly. And if you can't do that, either you're not ready for that level of seriousness in a relationship, or something is going wrong.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2375

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k, even though i've never been in love or anything(i'm only 14), i think i know what i'm talking about here. my friends say that i can give good advice.....brdwychic00--not to be frank, but if you can't talk to your b/f about something--bad or not--something is terribly wrong. Tell him about the kiss and how you feel about the guy, but then also explain to him how you know you would rather be with him instead of the other guy. Think about what could happen if he found out from someone else. Then, you might not have a chance to explain how you feel about your b/f to him!! And thats a horrible feeling. So talk to him about what happened and hopefully he'll understand. Good luck!

~*I ran up the door~&~shut the stairs*~*said my pajamas~&~put on my prayers*~*turned off the bed~&~jumped into the light all b/c he kissed me goodnight*~*

Posts: 18 | From: Cartersville, GA, USA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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