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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » my friend needs help, but i want attention too

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Author Topic: my friend needs help, but i want attention too
small_fry
Neophyte
Member # 2708

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I'm 17, my "best friend" and I seem to be growing apart as she is in her first serious relationship with a guy she's liked for two years. Yet she's constantly complaining about him. Also, I'm hanging out with people she doesn't get along with and we don't have classes or lunch together and it's difficult to make plans out of school because she works weekends.
One problem is she's the type of person that doesn't like to fight and wants to smooth things over immediately no matter what. I am the opposite, very confrontational and always ready for a fight.
I know that she isn't going to admit we're growing further and further apart. But she's not really making an effort to fix things, I admit I'm not jumping through hoops either.
On one very rare occasion when I got to talk to her this week, (it was like one minute in the hallway while I got my books before class so I really wasn't expecting a big topic), she told me that she is now taking Zoloft, and anti-depressant. WOW, eh?
I guess it's all way more than I thought. She has issues with her parent's divorce, (that happened like 10 years ago) her mother's relationship with this guys she's been dating for years, he's practically her step father and she has never complained about it before, she complains about her own b/f and I think she has some insecurity issues.

**I'm really sorry I've babbled alot and turned this in to more of a diary entry than anything else.

It seems like all she can do is talk about her own problems, but frankly I don't think they are any bigger than anyone elses. I have problems right now as well, with my parents, with friends, guys and tons of other stuff.
I'd like her to be there for me as well, but all she can do is talk about herself.

What can I do about this? I want to be there for her but I need support as well.

------------------
*A heart is impractical
until it becomes unbreakable.
* "These guys started
hitting on us."
"What like sexual
harassment?"
"No, like guys." -- My
So-Called Life, they
greatest tv show ever made.


Posts: 3 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
emsily0
Activist
Member # 2059

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everyone has at least one friend like that. i think some people just have trouble looking at their problems objectively and saying "you know what? my life isn't really that bad."

but what can you do? you can't say anything to her - that would be cruel, and it would ruin a friendship that seems to be pretty important to you. if i were you, i would do the best i could to listen to her, and to try to make her feel better and to recognize that there are other aspects to her life than the bad ones. i think eventually, she'll be there for you. and in the meantime, be gentle with her. get your support from other friends if you need to. there's no way to just make her snap out of it. i know it's frustrating, but it's not something that YOU can deal with - it's something that your friend needs to recognize on her own.

em

------------------
Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


Posts: 786 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Okie, well i'm gonna be blunt here ...

You said it yourself, you want attention. I think you should be happy that your friend is turning to you for support and advice, b/c a lot of people who are depressed (or are becoming depressed) will keep it to themselves ... for fear of people not wanting to be around them or thinking they're just being sucky.

So instead of feeling left out, why not tell her your problems as well. You didn't mention if you've tried or not ... I think you should. You could complain about your problems together and each find solutions for the other ... or help each other figure things out. Everyone needs someone to talk to.

One more thing ... You said she's your "best friend". What does that mean, exactly? It's normal for people who grow apart. I grew apart my best friend not too long ago. It happens sometimes. Maybe ask her to spend the nite at your house when she isn't working. You can work this out if you're willing to give a lil bit more effort ...


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
Activist
Member # 961

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Does she care about you? Do things that make you feel good? Listen when you want to talk? Because if none of these things exist, from experience, I'd tell you to run.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
small_fry
Neophyte
Member # 2708

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We didn't talk for a couple of days (over the exam break) because she fliped on me for the dumbest thing... But then right before school started again she was on ICQ and she said we should talk and fix things... I was like fine, and I mentioned that I was having a really bad time, fighting with friends and family. She didn't ask for an explanation, no "what happened?", nothing. Just launched right in to the fact that she was worried about her mom's relationship, that she hadn't talked to her dad, etc.
She doesn't seem to care about what I am going through.

Posts: 3 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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