Hey well this is whats happening to me, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1year and 2 months(well actually he broke it off).He was my first love,my first experience and I love him soooo much.Our problems started because supposly I didnt want him to be with his friends but in reality i just wanted more time with him. During our relationship we broke up like 5 times all those times it was my decision and for stupid reasons that I admit to it!!!, but I never lasted more than one day without calling him back telling him I was sorry. Well a week ago we broke up again and all of the sudden he didnt want to talk to me even when i went as low as to beg for his forgiveness. He said no that I had hurt him to many times and he even said he didnt love me. Hearing those words made me so sad,I really felt my heart brake into pieces when he told me this. I told him fine that I would respect his decision and said bye. Well we have talk on the phone but we dont touch the subject of going back together even though i want to ask him that question time and time again. Now he said that he did love me but he just couldnt be withme anymore. That he had been hurt to many times in the past by me and that he just couldnt fall in the same trap again. I dont know what to do, I feel like if I stop trying to get him back I will be lossing my soul mate the one i used to laugh with, the one that would cheer me up when i was feeling low. But Im afraid that if I do keep on trying I will just make it harder on myself to get over him. Is there such a thing of 2 people loving eachother but one not wanting to be with the other??? what should I do!!!!!!! Posts: 7 | From: oakland,california | Registered: Feb 2001
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I dont want to sound mean but I'm going to tell you what I think. You broke up with him 5 times and then you got back together. Perhaps he is giving you a taste of your own medicen.
Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2001
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First off, you can live w/o him. As well, he can live w/o you. You did it before you found each other, you can just as well do it again.
I know what it's like to have a broken heart ... I really do. It took me a yr or more to get over my last boyfriend. It's really hard to let go. But if you dwell on it, you may not find someone else right under your nose. If you don't get over the past, you'll never see the future!
Also, soulmates can be friends just as well as lovers. If your relationship isn't working out, try it as friends. Sometimes you just can't get a relationship to work out. And it's not ones fault ... Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move on. Work on the friendship ... it's more likely to last the longer if you stop trying to hard to be more.
It is very possible, and unfortunately quite common to be in love with someone and be unable to be with them. Take it from me, and first hand experience, that no matter how much you love and care about someone, sometimes it's in both your best interests to keep the relationship at a platonic or even a non-existent level.
When you love someone, sometimes it's easy to hurt them, and vice versa. Despite common belief, just loving someone does not make the relationship work. There are so many elements to a sucessful relationship, but the primary ones are trust, compromise and independence.
Love isn't easy, but when you find someone who you truly love and who truly loves you back, at least it makes it a heck of a lot more fun to work on the realtionship and put in 100%.
All I can suggest to you is to leave this relationship behind, for your own good, and concentrate on loving yourself before you step into another.
time to check for blood pressure and pulse. is the patient breathing? i think she is. looks like you're managing to live without him.
so, there's something in all this that caught my attention. you said you wanted to spend more time with him, and it got translated into you were trying to take him away from his friends. to me that doesn't sound really fair to him. having a relationship is about communication and compromises. you should have accepted the fact that there were other people in his life. i don't mean to say that it would be okay for him to ignore you all the time, but i'm saying that it's not fair to monopolize his time.
and from what i gather in your post, it sounded like you guys were on rough waters anyway. i've done the "break up 5 times and hope it works out later." well, 6 times isn't necessarily a charm.
it'll be tough for a while, but you'll live thru it and get back on your feet. whatever else i meant to say has already been said by the others, so i feel no need to repeat them. cheer up and go have some ice cream. really, i'm not kidding. then maybe watch some tv tonight and relax.
------------------ Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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As an answer to your question: "Is there such a thing of 2 people loving eachother but one not wanting to be with the other???" I believe that the answer to that is Yes. My ex-boyfriend (My first love) broke up with me and it hurt real bad. I am still in love with him. I am not sure if he feels the same but I some what have an idea that he is still in love with me. I think the reason him and I are not together now is because we were just not the right match for each other, yet we were in love with each other. I feel we always will be.
As for getting back together.. I hope and wish you the best but you can not do anything to persue his decision. I know it is a tough thing to hear.. trust me.. if it's not right you will be able to get over that and move on with your life. Of course it will not be easy. I expereinced your whole expereince during the last two weeks of December and beginning of January. Now I have moved on and opened our relationship to a friendship and I have the sweetest boyfriend. I know that you are in love with this guy and not that it is over you think you have to throw it all away.. you don't. You can keep your memories and if you feel, keep him in your life as a friend. Hopefully I have helped you out. Best Wishes!! If you want to you can e-mail me to chat. XoXo
------------------ *Love is just one word, but it has too many meanings.* *Trip over love and you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.* *True love is when you're still dancing, long after the music has stopped.* *If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever.* -------------------- * __ sarah __ *
Wow. This sounds familiar, although from the other end of things. After having dated my first girlfriend for a year and (come on, guess) two months, I decided that things really weren't working. She was, for the most part, happy, and keeping her that way was making me miserable. I knew I couldn't keep it up, and suspected that trying to would lead to frustration, laying of blame, and bitterness. So I ended things. That was in October. I still firmly feel that things didn't work, and that while it might work if we got back together again, it would degrade to a similar state within several months. She still calls me, and emails me, and talks to me via ICQ, and is currently consuming bag after bag of Hershey's Kisses, and crying herself to sleep. And I feel like all I can do is wait and hope she gets down to realizing that she doesn't need me. Or any other guy. (Or girl, I'm open minded ^_^) I'd be happy to be friends with her, eventually. But I don't think now's the time to start moving towards that, at all.
Deep down... I miss her. Because, like a lot of things, I remember the good, and let the bad fade away. A part of me still loves her. Probably always will. But sometimes, that's just not enough to keep things together.
There's no specific advice I can offer you. I've been though, and am still going through, a situation that seems superficially similar to yours. But I don't know you, or your boyfriend. So I'd say I've got no right to make suggestions as to what you should do. I guess all I can really offer is a piece of advice I try and live by. Namely, sit down and try to see things from his perspective. after knowing him that well, if you really try, you may be able to get inside his head a bit, and understand better his motivations and goals. A relationship's based on emotion, for the most part, not logic, but you've got emotions to, and, while it's easier for some than for others, everybody's got similar ones.
Oh, and incedentally, just to add to the similarity, one of the main causes of my frustration was her dislike of my best friend, who she was convinced I was cheating on her with. (I wasn't, and told her so, in every way I could think of)
Just remember, while I don't know your age, just going with an average of this board in general, from what I've read, you're probably not that old yet. You've got a whole life ahead of you. Just keep learning things. (and if you're eighty years old, I apologize, and am impressed ^_^)
Ok, I'm getting long winded. I'd like to hope you drew something from that of any substance or value, but... hey, I'll keep on writing what i think anyway. The odd time it seems to make people happy.
I want to thank all of you have have post a reply. It really means a-lot to see someone that doesnt know me take the time to write their best advice to a total stranger. All of the replys meant a-lot to me and even made me smile. I wanted to write back to your actual e-mails but I cant seem to get your e-mails so I hope that you all will get to read my message.I once thank you again.You all have earn a special place in my heart....and Im not kidding!!!!
Posts: 7 | From: oakland,california | Registered: Feb 2001
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