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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is it good to be boyfriendless?

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Author Topic: Is it good to be boyfriendless?
Member # 2688

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Well, I'm a sixteen year old girl who has never had a boyfriend in her life. No, not a boyfriend in elementary school or middle school, either. I really wish I had someone, and I'm not sure why I don't, but that's not my problem. I was just wondering if you guys thought it was normal to not have a boyfriend at sixteen? And, do you guys think that not having a guy could be a good thing?
Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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I think it can be a wonderful thing. It gives you time to focus on yourself, on what you want in life, and in a relationship. I firmly believe that you have to be able to be happy by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.

And don't feel bad about being 16 and never having a boyfriend. I was 19 before I went out on my first date, and I'm 20 now and I've had a boyfriend for all of 3 days so far. So don't stress about it! It'll happen when it happens!


"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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think about what you just said. the bare bones of this question lead me to believe that you think you want a boyfriend, just for the sake of having a boyfriend. if so, then what's the point??? if you want a boyfriend, do so 'cause you like the companionship, not 'cause it seems every girl at the dance has a boy on her arm and you're the only wallflower.

in all, it's not bad to not have a boyfriend. not bad at 16, not bad at 60. at the dance, you can dance with whomever you like. you can go to the movies with lots of different people. you can live a normal life with or without the added company of a boyfriend.

as far as my own experience, I didn't really date anyone in high school. I've got a boyfriend now, but I'm 20.

Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.

[This message has been edited by Gumdrop Girl (edited 01-14-2003).]

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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Now I'm sixteen. I don't have a boyfriend. I did, but I have issues with him I will not discuss.

Now, having a boyfriend isn't all its cracked up to be. In the beginning, you worry where he is, if he's alright, what he's doing, why he's taking so long to call you, yada yada yada. And then there's always the hidden thought that you probably won't last. High school relationships normally don't last. Horrible, I know.

I loved having someone so close. And there are little nicities (is that a word?). But I am loving the single thing now. I feel free.

Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post is absolutely normal. At least, I have never felt that someone was abnormal coz they have never had a bf. Anyone try to tell you that, give him/her a good kick in the butt.

Of course, there are always pros and cons to being single. Being in a relationship can be beautiful but it can cause you headaches that were never there when you were single.

So just take your time and make as many friends as you can. Establish good friendships, spend time with your girlfriends. And when the time is right, when the right guy is around, you will know.

Colouring in your whole face with an eyebrow pencil can give you a sun-kissed winter feeling - Kaz Cooke

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 589

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I didn't have a boyfriend until I turned 17. I'm doing fine. I'm not a spinster rotting away in her old shack upon the hill.

There were guys that liked me in elementary, middle, and high school but none of which I wanted for a boyfriend. They were cool guys, but they just never piqued my interests otherwise. So why would I date a guy that I don't like, even if he was cute and wore pretty clothes?

I'm not the type of girl that has a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. I don't strive to be like everyone else. I was perfectly fine with not having a boyfriend. I didn't need a guy to tell me that I'm smart and beautiful and so on. I was happy on my own.

Just take this time and spend it with yourself and friends. Get to know yourself better and be secure with who you are. Be really independent, so when you do get in a relationship, your world won't end when it's over.

Posts: 681 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1624

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it is perfectly normal!! i am a senior now and the only boyfriend i've ever had was in 9th grade and i'm not sure i even want to consider him a boyfriend. anyways... as for dating.... i've gone out with a group of people with my 9th grade "boyfriend" and later that year once with a group and this boy that liked me and i didn't like him back. i didn't go on my first one on one date until....uh...january 11th of this year! you'll be fine... don't worry about it. the more you worry, the less fun you'll have in highschool. it may seem that dating and having a boyfriend are big parts of highschool but they're not... i've had a great time and i really havent' had either of those!

" Life move pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Posts: 183 | From: ohio, usa | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 100

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There have been quite a few times in my life where I have deliberately chosen not to have any kind of boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner(male, female, or otherwise). I think it can be pretty wonderful and very useful not to have to worry about that stuff sometimes.

As these wonderful grrls have said, you aren't exactly in an unusual position. Many of us (myself included) didn't have our first romantic relationships until we were 16 or older -- in some cases much, much MUCH older. And that's totally fine.

Being *yourself* is much more important than being some guy's girlfriend, really, when it comes right down to it. Because boyfriends and girlfriends can come and go... but you ALWAYS have to live with yourself. Might as well learn to like and enjoy what you live with.

Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!

Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1168

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I was in my first relationship this summer (I'm 18) and I think when it's right it'll happen. Don't worry about it, just enjoy life as it happens.
Posts: 303 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2708

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I'm 17, and I've never had a boyfriend for more than 3 days... I got out of that one cuz I freaked and wasn't prepared to get emotionally or physically attached to someone yet.
I like being single because I don't have to worry about another person's feelings. I can flirt with tons of guys, go out with friends whenever I want, eat garlicy food at dinner (ha ha) and not worry one little bit about it. I feel like there's less pressure on me. It's cool being single because you don't have to worry about what you do and how it will effect someone else.
I have plenty of guy frends, that I get along with, joke with and hang out with. I can tell them anything and they're not going to freak out like some girls I know would. Guys are more laid back and casual about everything.
On the other hand... there are moments when I do feel like I'd like to be with someone. Moments when I'm home alone watching a movie or soemthing and I wish there was someone to cuddle with, but oh well. My time will come. I'll find the right guy and so will you.


*A heart is impractical
until it becomes unbreakable.
* "These guys started
hitting on us."
"What like sexual
"No, like guys." -- My
So-Called Life, they
greatest tv show ever made.

Posts: 3 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2718

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the boy whos perfect 4 u will come along when he comes along.... u can't just magic a boyfriend, if u want one u just go out to places where u meet new people and be yourself. loads of girls havent had boyfriends yet and its not a good or bad thing!

~When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth~

Posts: 12 | From: Land Of Fire | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
still innocent
Member # 2735

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There's nothing wrong with you not having a boyfriend at 16. I'm 19 and I still don't have one. The key is to have several guy friends that you can treat as you boyfriend just as long as there is an understanding that you don't have to be with him and only him. You're young don't rush anything. You're supposed to be having fun right now. Let me put it to you this way, in a few years when you're about 20 or 21, you'll realize that the little puppy love you feel for anybody right now doesn't even compare to the kind of love that you can feel when you're older. So, be patient with the boyfriend issue because you're not missing out on anything.


Posts: 3 | From: New Orleans, LA, US | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Purple Lemonade
Member # 2674

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Hey, girl, don't worry about a thing!
When you don't have a boyfriend, you can do sooo many things. You can flirt with anyone, you can stare at that cute guy and you won't have to argue about whos gonna pay 4 the dinner date! Besides, being boyfriendless isn't gonna kill you or make you a social outcast.
Being single is great....join the club!

Posts: 54 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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I think that sometimes, guys are a waste of your time....really...I love you BOB!!

Sometimes being singel has its benifits too!! Checking out all those hotties without somebody saying, 'y you lookin at him, you think hes hot dont you, dont you?' (haha, memorys).

Neways~ Dont let it get you down, your time will come, everyones time is different. Enojoy your life now and being single. Its fun, if you make it that way.

Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 607

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It's normal. And it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you've never had a boyfriend. I've got friends who are hitting 20 and still haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend and they're wonderfully attractive, fun people.

I'm 19 and I've only had 2 guys who considered themselves my "boyfriend". And being single is both good and bad. I'm single now and I'm enjoying it, but there are times I feel lonely. I would like to have someone special in my life but it will happen when it happens. When I'm single I spend a lot of time with friends and exploring different hobbies and such. I think when you're single it's a great time to get to know yourself.

}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."

Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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