Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My dad is having an online affair HELP

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: My dad is having an online affair HELP
BabyAngel84
Activist
Member # 233

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BabyAngel84     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi, lately my dad has been spending a lot of time online, everytime i go to look for him he's on the internet and when i come downstairs he quickly hides an email he has been writing, well curiousity got the best of me and so i came downstairs and went into one of his email accounts (the only one i can get into) and i found some letters to a girl named stacy, well the letters were sent from my dads email addy but signed from dennis (my dad is named Rob) heres a sample of one of these letters:

"I soooooo --- edited ---

I don't know what to do u guys, i can't stop thinking about this, i (used to)trust my dad more then anything he always says i can trust him and always talks about the trust issue and what he would do if he couldn't trust me, i want to tell or show my mom or confront my dad but if i do he'll know i was going through his mail which is A BIG NO NO! so what should i do?? I HATE HIM SOOO MUCH NOW i can't believe he would do this to me and my mom and bro. he always says he would never know what he'd do if he lost any of us and that he LOVES my mom and would never cheat on her, and if that if they ever got a divorce he would never remarry because "women are a pain" i'm freaking out here what should i do?????!?!!!!! pleeez help me!! who knows how long this has been going on for and what else he has done....this is just an online thing....my dad is a truck driver and goes to the same places all the time. I can't believe my OWN FATHER could do this! HELP!!!!

(Note from Miz S: Folks, it isn't legal to print the contents of someone else's mail anywhere, let alone in a public forum.)

------------------
* No man/woman is worth your tears and the
only one who is, will never make you cry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you love someone, put their name in a
circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break,
but circles go on forever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen
to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't
say.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If all my friends were to jump off a
bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the
bottom to catch them.*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 01-31-2001).]


Posts: 161 | From: Kenosha, Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Etch
Activist
Member # 182

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Etch     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok, i know that this is not an easy thing to think about. Are your parents really affectionate toward each other? Perhaps he feels like he is not getting the attention at home that he feels he needs. If that is not the issue (which only he can truly tell) then i cannot really guess what it is.

I will not tell you that just because it is online it means any less then something happening in real life. Because i fell in love over the internet. BUT maybe he feels like it isnt really cheating since it is not a physical thing.

Talk to your dad and try to get it out of him on his own. If he doesnt come out and tell you then i think (remember this is a personal opinion) you should tell him that he was acting suspicious and you checked things out and ended up finding an email.

You will get in trouble for snooping, is it worth it? I found something in my dads room that seriously disturbed me. I recently told my mother, who in turn told my dad i found it (my parents are divorced by the way). I got in trouble for looking through my fathers things, but my mother was very thankful that i told her because what i found involved her. The point is, you father is cheating, emotionally, on your mother. Unless she has given him permssion to have a polyamorous relationship then that is not ok. Dont tell him that you hate him, everyone does something that they regret sometimes, and this is probably one of those times where he just isnt thinking about what he is doing. But do tell him that it bothers you, and that he needs to either stop it, or tell the truth.

Please, if anyone has better advice please share.


Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XxFIFxX
Activist
Member # 2109

Icon 1 posted      Profile for XxFIFxX     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Lets look at it this way: your dad is being a total jerk here. He is obviously pretending to be much younger to Stacy, and he is hiding this from you and your mother. I'm not sure how you could confront him on this, because I don't think he'd be honest with you and you'd piss him off. I think you should show your mother what you found, show her the email, but also tell her you're not too sure what it's about. Then she can talk to him about it, though I can't guarentee you anything about what he'll say or do. Hopefully this will all just blow over, but he is manipulating the mind of a young girl and this is just sick. Remember there is such a thing as "statutory rape" and although I'm not sure what the rules are about that online, I know its not right. Maybe you could even do some spying on your own and talk to Stacy, and see whats going on with her and your dad before you do anything else... blah i give bad advice

------------------
*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


Posts: 62 | From: Los Angeles, CA USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
Activist
Member # 1386

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bobolink         Edit/Delete Post 
Let's look at it another way. Someone has just copied her father's private email and posted on a public forum.
Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ron
Activist
Member # 484

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ron     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
People make mistakes. Like invading other peoples privacy and reading their mail or like lying and getting involved in a dishonest relationship. These mistakes bring suffering. Try and make the suffering a little less by learning not to hate. It's a really negative emotion that is making you miserable. Try forgiving. Sounds dippy maybe but think about it. If you change the way you see things here and have compassion for your father (even if he's blowing it--he's the one who's going to suffer most in the end) things will get a lot better right away.
Posts: 364 | From: San Cristobal de Las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One of the most difficult things in the world to do is to let someone you love make a big mistake -- particularly if you can see them making the mistake while they're making it.

But you know, honey, ethically, it's the right thing to do in situations like this. First of all, you know what you know because you did something you weren't supposed to do and invaded someone's privacy.

Second of all, when you're both grownups, you have to respect that other grownups (yes, even your parents) are going to sometimes make decisions that you don't agree with and can't support. And that sometimes, those decisions are NOT about you, and NOT about anything that is ANY of your business. And that is the case here, for better or worse. Your dad's going to have to ride this one out, and take whatever he's got coming to him in terms of consequences.

Sit tight, honey. In the meantime, think a little about maybe *why* your dad would be pursuing an online affair. You do *not* have to excuse, accept, or like the fact that he has, but I think it'd be a good thing to try to understand why people do these things, even a little bit.

Hang in there.

------------------
Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LollipopPoRNchik
Neophyte
Member # 2490

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LollipopPoRNchik     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know what to tell you. Over the summer, 3 days after my birthday (wich is also my parents anniversary), my dad just kind of went off and told my mom he doesn't love her anymore, he cheated on her when I was 4 years old with a young girl, and he wants a divorce. He has a girlfriend now and my parents are still married. He lives in the basement of our house now, my mom and I live upstairs, its really weird. I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to choose between my Mom and Dad. My Dad wants me to live w/ him after he leaves, my Mom wants me to stay. Thing is, I've always been a Daddy's girl, but this just ruined our relationship. He has become an absentee Father, and I don't really give a darn what he says, he doesn't help me out with clothes, food, or anything anymore. My Mom feels terrible about this and its NOT her fault. She's doing her best to take care of me and herself at the same time. I'm 15 years old, and I have to have a job just so I can buy my own lunch and clothes and things I need. Sorry I'm getting off subject. Point is- choosing what to do with parents is hard. I know that. I can't really help you, no-one can. You have to think about what you want to do and what the consequences of your actions might be. You might try talking to your Dad though. Give him a chance to maybe explain himself. Its rough I know. Believe me I know. Good luck.

------------------
Lace

Scream Life.

"Just my soul fly free, and let me be what my god wants me to be. Just let my soul fly free, and let me see the great things I'm supposed to see." Soulfly "Fly High"


Posts: 27 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I suspect my dad is having an affair too.

I noticed he was talking alot on his handphone in the weehours of the morning. So I checked it. Yes, it's the same as ivading someone else's email. But, no words can describe how I felt at that point of time. I got a friend to call this number and a woman picked up. After that, nothing happened.

I felt incrediblt hurt. Not just for myself, especially for my mum. Who has done so much for him, for this family. I decided to keep quiet. Until the day he makes a major slip up or I can confirm what he is doing, I will keep quiet.

If I do confirm it, I am going to tell him that I know. And that if he wants to continue, to be careful. I believe that what you odn't know won't hurt you. I believe he still loves my mum and he still acts normally. Teasing her and holding her hand. If she were to find out, it will destroy her.

Hon, I agree with Ron. Forgive him. I cannot confirm if my dad is having an affair but if he is, I will forgive him. As long as he doesn't screw up the whole family in the process. He is my dad, I love him and I still trust him. Of course I hope and pray this is not happening but we are merely human. We make mistakes, we hurt people sometimes. And I'm giving him that. He is human.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LollipopPoRNchik
Neophyte
Member # 2490

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LollipopPoRNchik     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
After my Dad announced the divorce to my Mother, all hell broke loose and my father denied having a girlfriend. We all knew it though and I caught him once talking to her. I went to sign online (my speakers were off) and it kept saying "no dial tone". I finally turned my speakers up and I heard a woman talking. Then I heard my Dad talking back. That was a bit shocking. Me, being the most blunt person, just went downstairs and said "Dad, what's the b**ch's name?"

------------------
Lace

Scream Life.

"Just my soul fly free, and let me be what my god wants me to be. Just let my soul fly free, and let me see the great things I'm supposed to see." Soulfly "Fly High"


Posts: 27 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BabyAngel84
Activist
Member # 233

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BabyAngel84     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well i told my mom yesterday, she kinda cornered me and wouldn't leave me alone until i did and i told her everything, i think she had a right to know, she went down stairs and talked to my dad in a peacful manner and he finally admitted to talking to someone but just as friends, and then he said that he paid $3.00 to get a picture scanned of him and his dad to send to her, this morning my mom said she wanted to see the letters so i reluctanly showed her, she was extremely hurt and paged my dad immeadietly and yelled at him for lying to her about his relationship even more, my dad won't be home till early saturday morning cuz he's an over the road truck driver, i don't know whats gonna happen, my mom is taking it good and says that it will be okay and that shes gonna confront him more when he comes home, she is mostly dissapointed, my mom says it's probably becuz she gained some wait (he comments alot) but she hasn't gained THAT much, but in one of the letters he wrote he said that even if "Stacy" had 3 eyes and no nose" he would still think she's beautiful so that is not very cool! I don't know what i'm gonna do when my dad comes home, i don't think i will even be able to talk to him or look at him it hurts so bad to see him betray us like this!

------------------
* No man/woman is worth your tears and the
only one who is, will never make you cry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you love someone, put their name in a
circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break,
but circles go on forever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen
to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't
say.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If all my friends were to jump off a
bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the
bottom to catch them.*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Posts: 161 | From: Kenosha, Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
india
Activist
Member # 2550

Icon 1 posted      Profile for india     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
BabyAngel84: I am sorry to read about your situation. I hope things get better. talk to your father, tell him that it hurts you. tell him that you are sad for what is going on. dont get angry at him. show him love and that you really care that your mother and father get along.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3