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Author Topic: shyness factor
IamAScarleteen
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Member # 2069

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Well, I am very lucky because I am going out with the sweetest guy and my crush since the beginning of the school year... The ONE major problem with our relationship is that we are both VERY shy. I have been hurt in the past and I am afraid that if he got to know the real me that he would not feel the same towards me and I just found out that he feels the same way. I know this is not healthy for our relationship, yet I just do not know how to make things easier. My friends tell me just to be "aggressive" and stuff, but I just am not that type of person. Do you have any suggestions on how to get over this? I really like this guy and right now am willing to do anything to make it work. (Even if it means being "aggressive" ) Anyway.. Thanks for your suggestions and advice.

Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
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Member # 1194

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Just be open with your guy. What do you think you're hiding from him? You can still be shy and let him get to know you. I'm very shy, and I've been with shy guys.... you know he likes you, he wouldn't be with you otherwise so talk to him and let things flow!

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"Live a balanced life - Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."
~~ Robert Fulghum, author ~~


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StarryRedhead
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Member # 607

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I definitely believe that being someone you're not is not going to help a relationship, as in the being aggressive. Just be honest and open with him and tell him to do the same. You should be proud of who you are! And why do you think he won't like you if he gets to know the real you? Maybe he'll like you even more than he does now. It's not good to hide who you are, especially in a relationship. Relationships are all about trust, honesty, being open.

I'm shy too, but just open up a bit at a time. It should feel natural and I'm sure once you two become more comfortable with eachother, you'll find it easier and easier to open up and be the real you, the good and the bad parts of who you are. I'm pretty sure this guy already thinks you're pretty cool and I'm sure the more he gets to know you, the more cool things he'll discover he likes about you. Good luck with everything.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Take your time with the whole thing...that will definately help. Don't base your relationship on where other people think you should be by now, take things at your own pace. Be together in situations where you're both comfortable so that you can get accustomed to each other. Be honest with with him, he has to like you for who you really are in order for things to work out.

Having said that, I will leave you with my own patented secret for getting over my shyness with guys...you just gotta promise not to let the secret get out! I break out this secret whenever I know we're both nervous and can't seem to have an honest conversation. I call it "The Question Game"...my guy says it's like a grown up version of truth or dare, which it is...just without the dares! The rules are simple, ask me any question and I'll answer it, but then I get to ask a question and he has to answer it. It's really nice cause nobody has to carry the whole conversation, and you learn big important things like what he wants to be when he grows up, and little important things like his favorite food. It lets all kinds of important issues see the light of day, and it requires honesty. I can't guarentee it'll help, it only works on a case by case basis...but I figured I'd toss the suggestion out anyway. Guys seem to find it amusing to play along.

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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