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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » GR!! Jealousy is just evil, isn't it?

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Author Topic: GR!! Jealousy is just evil, isn't it?
Member # 1881

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Hey, everyone.

Jealousy. Unfortunately, I am a VERY jealous person. I don't ever act on my jealousy, but I sometimes stew in it and today was just one of those incidents. I was at my boyfriend's house this morning when he ran up to me and showed me two letters he had received in the mail. One was regarding a university application, but the other was from a girl we went to highschool with.

This girl went off to work on another continent in August and neither of us had heard from her since. I had always tried to be friends with her in school, but she always seemed to look down on me and have something against me. I never knew what. Of course, we were very different people. I was the crazy, outgoing theatre girl and she was more the quiet, studious girl. She was very outwardly sweet and very pretty, though.

When my boyfriend and I started going out I knew he had liked her a little not too long before he started liking me. He has a very different personality than she does, but he had a small crush on her anyhow. I know what this is like seeing as I've had the same sorts of crushes on other guys.

Well, he received this letter, out of nowhere and they never seemed to be good friends at all. They didn't have mutual friends and they never really spoke. They had a few classes together, but that's about it.

On top of it all my mother keeps going on and on about how this girl and my boyfriend would make a wonderful couple and how they'd be so much more compatible than he and I are. She doesn't think I'm good enough for him, because, as she puts it, I'm stupid. Hearing that on top of everything else has just made me even more insecure about it. I haven't mentioned anything to him, but it's kind of.... not hurtful, but worrisome. I know I'm just being ridiculous, but I can't help it. What do you think?

Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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That's odd, you don't write like you're stupid.

Besides, the only person to decide if your "good enough" for him is your BF. No other opinions really matter.

All paper clips are born free, but they live in chains

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1679

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Sweetie, take a deep breath and relax. It sounds like you're letting this jealousy get you all worked up till you can't even see your own feet anymore! This girl in on another continent...she isn't a direct threat to you. No matter what the purpose of her sending that letter was, you can't let yourself obsess over it. Remind yourself that your boyfriend is with you...that when it came time to choose, he picked you! It'll all be ok, try not to worry too much. Just be happy!


"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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Can I just say that I totally totally understand how you feel.

I'm like that hon. A jealous freak. My guy calls me his pot of vinegar coz in chinese to eat vinegar means to be jealous.

It's fine being jealous. As long as you don't start freaking out and stalking every girl who calls or emails your bf and things like that.

He picked you hon. YOU. Not some other girl who you or your mum thinks is better than you. And that is what you should concentrate on. He likes you, he picked you and he loves you. End of story.

Now tell yourself that every night before you sleep and you'll probably be feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

I have finally learnt to laugh at the girls who have crushes on my guy. Not meanly of course. And I have really learnt to accept the fact that it doesn't matter if I am not sporty, have short hair and have cup AA breasts. Because it doesn't matter to him. It mattered to me.

Money Saver Tip:Don't waste money on expensive, tawdry wiglets. Collect all the hair you shave off your legs, armpits and eyebrows for 6 months and glue carefully onto an Alice band. Voila Instant luxurious tresses - Kaz Cooke

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1194

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Aww..I know what that's like. But in your particular situation I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

A girl in my school who goes out with this guy who is flirtatous with other girls (always has been, way before he started going out with her)is suuuuch a jealous person. I think they make a terrible match, because she cannot handle it. Everytime he stands near another girl she goes running to him, and pulls him away. She even accused my friend of trying to break them up (just because they were talking online) Soo there is an extreme of jealousy and she's pretty much it. You've just gotta learn to control it.

"Live a balanced life - Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."

~~ Robert Fulghum, author ~~

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1881

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Thanks for all the feedback.

This girl and I are very different kinds of people. When my boyfriend and I started going out he kind of was interested in a few girls. This girl, myself, and these two other girls. Well, the two other girls were kind of odd and he didn't like them that much and thought they'd never go out with him anyhow. This girl was kind of in the beginning of a realtionship with another guy. Which leaves me. He knew I'd liked him all year long and strongly suspected I still did. So he asked me out and we got together and we've fallen in love.

She's just.... perfect. I mean, everything about her is so neat. Her appearance, her feelings, her intelligence. I know I'm probably not explaining this very clearly, but she's wonderful. And maybe if she hadn't been starting a realtionship at that point with another guy he would've gone for her and not me. I know she used to like him at one point. And the thing is that she's coming back to Vancouver in June and she broke it off with her boyfriend. And now she's writing letters to mine.

I shouldn't indulge in this, I know, but I'm so.... I don't know. Weird. He told me once that the reason he decided to go out with me was because I was more interesting and appealing than those other girls, but maybe I'm not so sure.

Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2059

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one of my friends, alexandra, is in a similar position as you. she really really loves her boyfriend, ilya, and he loves her a bunch too, but he used to <like a year ago> be infatuated w/ another girl, andrea, and i guess he stilled liked her when he started going out w/ alex. so alex found out about this, and she started obsessing about it, like trying to be like andrea in every way and saying that she was the second choice and that if andrea liked ilya, alex would rather have had him be with her because it would make him happier...just crazy jealous, and it's not neccessary b/c ilya is crazy about alex, and it hurts him to hear those things. just try and believe him when he says that he chose you for a reason, and let him be happy to hear from his high school friends if it doesn't mean anything.

and don't listen to your mother. that's not very nice of her.


Posts: 786 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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