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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Best friend and her Boyfriend, where does that leave me?

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Author Topic: Best friend and her Boyfriend, where does that leave me?
Member # 1265

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We always discussed that boyfriends wouldn't come in between us, but now she has a boyfriend and where does that leave me, pretty much no where. They invite me along but it is so awkward, me and he boyfriend get into fights all the time and then she is mad at both of us. Is there i way i can tell her that i am hurt here?

"Can't you see i'm easily bothered by your persistence, one step from lashing out at you, you wanted to get under my skin and call yourself a friend, i've got more friends like you what do i do? is there no standard anymore? be yourself by yourself get away from me"


Posts: 15 | From: Cave Creek Az | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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I'm not sure why you;re hurt.

Life Lesson #432: When anyone gets a new partner, they spend a period of time totally enraptured with them to the exclusion of almost anything else.

Really, that's just life: some folks are smart enough to only do it for a few hours or days -- other people do it for months or even years. It's normal, and it happens. Falling in love is an intoxicating thing.

What seems like the best thing to do right now is to say that you'd like a little alone time with your pal. Finding one night or two a week for your friends, another night or two for your partner, and the others for yourself is easy and is sound. It just is rare at the start of a relationship.

But you;re allowed to ask for time. However, if you feel that her being with this other person a lot right now REALLY hurts you, you may want to take some time to look at your own expectations, and hold them up to reality.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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Miz S is that really a life lesson number?

My best friend and I told eachother the SAME EXACT THING. Really we did, I think lots of best friends have. But was that when you both were mad at guys or were you younger when you thought guys were gross and had cooties? We get older and someone comes into our life, its only natural to want to be with them all the time, right? And when you get a partner, Im sure that you will want to do the exact same thing.

Do as Miz S said, ask for time, have a sleepover, have fun like in the *old days* Im sure that she will enjoy that as much as you will.

"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!

Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 607

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I completely agree with Miz. S on this one. Me and my best girlfriend were lucky because we both found our dream boys at the same time, therefore (as sad as this sounds) we didn't really notice we weren't spending as much time together! I even posted something about this a while back, I felt like a bad friend because everything I did was with my boyfriend....I even canceled plans with her to be with him. But she didn't mind because she was happy for me, that I found someone worth my time, she knew how it felt to be in a new relationship. When relationships are new, it's not uncommon for someone to seem like they dropped off the face of the earth for a brief time. They usually come back though.

My friend and I usually do simple things to spend time together. Sometimes we'll meet in the morning and go to a diner for an hour and talk about everything. Other times we'll go to eachothers house for a little bit, simple, but we do get to spend time together. The one thing that kept our friendship strong was talking on the phone A LOT.

It seems like the big problem is that you two don't do anything alone anymore. So tell ask her if maybe you could go somewhere, just the two of you for a change. Tell her you feel awkward when it's her and her boyfriend ALL THE TIME. I think once and a while can't be bad, but you do need some time alone with your friend too.

"Don't be afriad to dream for out of such fragile things.....come miracles."
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Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2226

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I think my girlfriend best friend is feeling the same way and is asking her to break up with me. I really don't know what to thing of my girlfriend any more. (And don't ask me why I am bringing my problems into your's, Sorry.) Anywho, I guess the best thing to do is just talk to them BOTH.


Posts: 88 | From: Canton, Ohio, USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2403

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I feel like adding that it's nice of them to invite you along. Obviously it's crossed their minds that you'd feel left out.

I'm sorry it's not working out, but romantic entanglements are often hard on friendships.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2191

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That must stink. You could be a little jelious perhaps. sorry! just being honest! I never like to admit it but i think deep down if it bothers you that your own friend is happy (especially your best frend!), aren't you a tiny teeny bit envious? i get like that too but i guess i figure out after a while wouldn't i act the same if i were my friend? Yep, consider things from a different position other than the jelious friend.

you might probably want to turn down some of the times they ask you to join them if it makes you feel that uncomfertable. you could also tell your friend if it's so much of a problem. or like me you could do nothing and just hang out with some other people until things blow over. not the smartest idea though

~*i climbed your arms and you pulled away new cavity moved into my heart today the more she sings the more it seems that now im through with you~*

Posts: 76 | From: ny | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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