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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My best friend and her boyfriend's drug habit

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Author Topic: My best friend and her boyfriend's drug habit
BJadeT
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OK, I have been best friends with a girl for 5 years now, she is the best friend I could ask for her and in many ways I really love and admire her. But she started going out with this lad six months ago and she slept with him on new years eve (I posted about that in 'what would your parent's think'on the parent board). She hasn't turned bitchy like some people do when they've got a boyfriend and you haven't, but I am really worried about her.
She told me this morning that he has been borrowing quite a bit of money from her to pay off his drug dealer-which I think is a ver very bad thing, a)because she'll never get it back b)because its for drugs(she doesn't do them-yet, but he's heavily into them) and c)because once he starts taking money from her it can only get worse.
She is a very sensible girl but love does funny things to people and I can see it getting worse. I want to warnher some way but she probably won't listen to me and I don't want to sound naggy or jealous. So what do u think I should do??

Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See"

The best you can advise your friend is that she is going to end up broken-hearted and broke. Then you have done your part. If she chooses not to listen, all you can do is wait for the falling out.

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All paper clips are born free, but they live in chains


Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
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Actually, its a very good thing he's paying off his dealers. See, if you don't pay them off.. They give you reasons to pay up. One might be messing around with his girlfriend. Thats a pretty good reason to pay them back. So he borrowed money, its not like nobody else here has at some point, why judge him based on where its going. He does drugs, big ******* deal. Half the world does drugs. I think you're just being nosy, becaues its really none of your business who she lends money to, or fucks.

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just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SlowCookie
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You have got to be kidding me, ou2mame. If he really cared for his girlfriend, he shouldn't be putting her in a situation in which she could be hurt. What kind of person does that? Yes, everyone has borrowed money at one time or another but you know what? Borrowing money to pay off a drug deal is not a noble cause. If he wants to do the drugs, he better have his own money to pay for. You don't see my parents paying for my birth control pills and condoms, do you? No because if I want to have sex, I better be responsible for everything that comes with it. If he wants to do drugs, he himself should handle everything and not drag his girlfriend into it.

Jade, I think you should have a talk to her. You said she's sensible but she might not realize what's going on. Just tell her to be careful. Be straight forward about it, you're her best friend, you can do that. Tell her to have safe sex to please. I wish you the best of luck, hope everything goies well.

[This message has been edited by SlowCookie (edited 01-08-2001).]


Posts: 681 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SlowCookie
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ou2mame, one other thing... I understand that this may be an emotional topic for you and I don't want to sound like a grade school teacher but please watch your use of profanity.

Posts: 681 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
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Her friend doesn't know whats going on? Thats extremely niave. How would jade know whats going on, her friends telling her! And if her friend cares about the kid she's dating, talking to her about it won't do much good. Its really none of your business when it comes to these things, because if you stick your nose into it, you're just going to sound nosy.

I just don't see why she cares at all.. What her friend does, and who she does it with, is none of jade's business. I can't count how many times people have tried to butt into my life, and tell me how to run it because they seem to have a plan for everything. Do this, it'll fix this. Do that and it'll fix that.. But nothing works that way. Just stay out, if she gets hurt be the shoulder to cry on, but thats all you can do. Bitching about it here, and asking for our advice isn't going to help your friend. No matter what you say or do, she's going to do what she wants to do. And right now, thats give her money to her boyfriend to pay off his dealers.

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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When friends who care about me worry about me, they tell me so, and try to find solutions for the problem they see. Sometimes it's something I hadn't even noticed yet, but if they're concerned enough to tell me, I know it's something that needs some serious evaluation. Were someone I called a friend to basically ignore my problems on some lame excuse like not-wanting-to-butt-into-my-business, I don't think I'd be calling them a friend much longer.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Love does do funny things to people. I'm not keen on this boyfriend of hers "borrowing" money to pay off his dealer. That sounds a awful lot like he's just using her and she's simply going along with it 'cause she's so enraptured with the guy that she'll do anything to keep him.

Does she mind that he's taking her money? Has she expressed any concerns about it? does she hate the drug habit? Is she making up excuses to justify her loaning the money to him?

imho, he needs to leave her out of his drug money problems. if he can't pay for a fix, then he really ought not be trying everything in his power to get more (Requiem for a Dream, anyone?).

Still, if no was the answer to all of the above, then you'd be better off hoping that she'll use her best judgement, maybe see something wrong in there, and try not to beleaguer (sp? something doesn't look right)the point -- otherwise, it may drive a wedge between you and your friend.

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Inspected by Number 26


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BJadeT
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She does mind that she feels she has to lend him money, but she still does it and that's what bothers me. I don't think it's fair to say that i'm just being nosy, I really care about her and I don't want her to get hurt. And I'd want her to be bothered if it was me cos I've always felt that's the sort of relationship we have. She isn't really bothered about the whole drugs issue cos she's always been around people who do em. I guess that shows she'sstrong, cos she never has. But I'm still worried, and I still care. Is that really such a bad thing?
Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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In a word. NO

It is not right to care and be worried. I think you did the right thing asking for advice so don't worry.

I think having a nice talk with her is a great way to start. Tell her you care very much for her and you just have to tell her this. If she doesn't listen, there's nothing you can do. It's her life after all. Just have a talk with her and be there for her.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lee
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Your friend is in great danger. Please talk to her and do anything you can to make her understand that this guy is not good for her.

He is on his way down the tubes and he WILL drag her down also if she stays with him. Drugs are a dead end road, with signs posted along the curb for miles that tell you it is a dead end. If he can't see that then he is the last person on earth she needs to be around, let alone involved with.

Do whatever you have to do, even if it means telling her parents about him being on drugs. Doing that is kind of like unleashing a rabid dog on an intruder you want out of your house, it has many unpleasant side effects but it does achieve the desired effect as well. Her parents will probably go postal and do something irrational and even vindictive. But they'll also make sure she's separated from him. Your friend may feel that you betrayed her and it may ruin your friendship. But if you have to sacrifice your friendship to save your friend then do it. A good person is not someone who does the right thing when they will be rewarded. A good person is someone who does what is right when they know it will cost them.

Lee


Posts: 175 | From: Tempe, AZ USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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