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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Age Difference

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Author Topic: Age Difference
Claire
Activist
Member # 1548

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OK i like this guy whos 3 years older then me.
i was wondering if that would b too muhc age difference for starting a relationship.
im 14 and hes 17.
i know heaps of other ppl ask this question but still...
u know.
ne wayz.
i like him i dont know if he lieks me but hes heaps nice to me ad we talk heaps about practially everything.
is there hope??

Posts: 82 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

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*blink* *blink*

Hey, hon, could we ask you to use a little more standard English and a little less internet slang? It's much easier on the eyes. Reading posts like yours is hard for those of us who aren't used to reading that kind of stuff, okay? Thanks.

As for age differences -- it really varies, case by case. No one can possibly tell you if the guy you're interested is interested in you except for (you guessed it) the guy himself.

If you *do* get involved with this guy, you need to be aware of what the laws are where you live as far as sexual activity goes, and whether it would be legal to engage in any kind of sexual activity with him (even kissing is sometimes considered 'sexual activity). Look it up at www.ageofconsent.com or in your local library.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KevMezz
Activist
Member # 558

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3 years, No I don't think that is a big difference at all, I'm at college and there seems to be more girls than guys and most of them are younger than me, there is one girl (who is 16) who I talk to who I like and maybe when i've got the guts i'll ask her out......hang on i'm babbling again

But in my view age is something to consider when the other person is 8+ years older than you.
I have a friend who dated a man who was 37, married and she was 17. I was a bit upset about it becuase I liked her too but as usual I didn't have guts to ask her out. Looking back at that momment i think it was selfish of me to get upset because I liked her.

Darn it i'm babbling again, If you love him and really like him then go for it, what others think doesn't matter

Good Luck!


Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
RoxyCQChick
Neophyte
Member # 1990

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Nah, the age diff. isn't too big, I don't think. I dated a guy who is 18 and I'm 15 (16..in January). And my crush is 18 (19 in March).
Posts: 8 | From: Coleville, California, USA | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cypher
Activist
Member # 1881

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Age difference is a tricky topic. There are a lot of elements you have to take into consideration before you decide to go ahead with something like this.

Age is a number, but maturity of the people involved almost overpowers that number. If you can both be reasonable and mature about it then go ahead and have fun! If he's more mature than you are because of his age, and he expects more out of a relationship than you're willing to give at this point in time, I suggest you consider everything carefully.

And there are the laws against being sexually active for the two of you. Statutory rape is a serious issue.

But as for the age difference thing, it's funny how other people think. My boyfriend is six months younger than I am and to some people that's just like the end of the world. Some of the people I work with call him "Dougie Howser." But we get along smashingly and while I'm already eighteen, he will be too in January. I think people might lay off a little when that comes.


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Lintu
Neophyte
Member # 238

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I have the opposite problem. I'm 17 and the boy I adore is 15. It's kind of embarrassing because most people talk about age differences where the guy is older. We've known each other for over a year because we played together on a hockey team last season. A few weeks ago we ran into each other at the mall and started talking, and that led to exchanging phone numbers. He is far more mature than any other 15 year old boy I know...otherwise I'd never have been able to stand hanging out with him as friends in the first place. He's only a week older than my younger sister, but they are on such different levels it's amazing. The problem is that in Texas, we're already illegal if we get involved (age of consent is 17)...but then again, so are my friends who are 17 and dating 16 year olds. Needless to say, I'm not happy with the Age of Consent laws. I understand why they were created, but when you're in high school, sometimes freshmen date sophomores and juniors date seniors and sophomores date seniors...you get the idea. Overall, I figure that as long as the maturity levels are close enough that the people involved enjoy each other's company without thinking "why won't he/she grow up?" (which is exactly what I always thought about my last boyfriend, who is chronologically older/maturity-level younger than me), it's all good.
Posts: 33 | From: Dallas, TX, USA (sometimes) | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, in terms of Age of Consent laws, it is generally the parents of any two people who would do something to instigate those laws being brought into effect.

So, are your parents okay with your choice of partner, and with your having a sexual relationship? If not, that's obviously a larger issue, but it is really the crucial one.

When I was in my junior year of high school, a boyfriend of mine was also 15. It was never a problem, though, because his parents liked me a lot, and my father was very fond of him. We were both very honest with both of our parents about what our relationship entailed, sexually and otherwise, and they knew we were very responsible and very informed. That makes all the difference: not just with relationships with a slight age difference, but in any relationships had by minors or dependents.

I'd advise talking to your folks about it if you're concerned. Ask how they feel, and give them the opportunity to voice and concerns and be part of the decision-making process.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 12-10-2000).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
swtgrl4u
Neophyte
Member # 2114

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I don't think the age thing is a problem. But I agree, you should make sure your parents are cool with you seeing him b/c if not they might take the age issue to court. But I doubt they would. Good luck! Follow your heart!

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*~*Kelli*~*

*~*We love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly*~*


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XxFIFxX
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Member # 2109

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Seriously? Go for it. Why? Because it's a 3 year age difference and I'm assuming both of you go to the same school. And it's LEGAL to date anyone of any age, it's just illegal when sex is involved. So definetly date the guy, just remember that when you start to have sex, it will be illegal (I'm assuming, though I'm not really sure what the laws are where you are)

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


Posts: 62 | From: Los Angeles, CA USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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