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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The Big M, and I don't mean Menopause

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Author Topic: The Big M, and I don't mean Menopause
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 653

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So I'm sitting here with a huge knot in my stomach, all confused. And of course, I'm turning to all of you for advice.

Jeremy and I have been together for a year. We have been through the death of one of our close friends, the birth of my child who isn't his, him moving out of his parents' house, my less-than-great health since June, my parents parting ways and my brother and his wife divorcing. All in a year. And these strains haven't made one bit of difference in our relationship. I love him dearly, but more importantly, I am comfortable with myself as an individual. I don't panic when he's not around me, I know I'm my own person and not part of a set. And most important of all, he knows that Evan and I come as a set. Through all this, he has stayed by my side and helped to make my life all the brighter.
So after turning this over and over in my head for the past six months, I've decided that I'm going to ask him to marry me.

Here's where your opinions matter to me. I have no idea how to go about this. Long engagement or short? Big elaborate proposal or something simple? Ring or no? What's the general opinion on girls proposing to guys? I'm not a traditional girl in the least, and he's not a traditional guy, but I don't want to frighten him. I know in my heart of hearts he'll say yes, but I'm still unbelievably nervous.

Yeah. Help.

I need my conscience to keep watch over me
To protect me from myself
So I can wear honesty like a crown on my head
When I walk into the promised land

Aria of Mayhem

Posts: 1287 | From: Missouri | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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i'm not one to rush things except my education. so i'll say i'm in favor of a long engagement. i also like to keep things simple 'cause i'm so pragmatic like that. go for a simple ring, simple ceremony, etc. one thing that bugs me about weddings is that they've become a big theatrical affair. if i wanted theatre, i'd write a play.

the Big M scares me. i've got a lot of married friends and last year i spent over $1000 for weddings (including clothing, travel, gifts, etc.).

Maurice! Bring in the albinos! muwahahahahaha!!!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 353

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i'm with gumdrop girl.

a long engagement will help you figure things out.

all the other questions are really your decision. what do you want and what can you afford?

marriage use to scare me then i found my boyfriend and it's appealing to me now. i mean i'm not trying to rush it (i'm still a senior in high school) but i don't run when the m word comes up.


**Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted**

JaMeS & DoReEn 4eVeR

Posts: 269 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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Quite frankly, Aria, I think if you can tell him what you just told us, either in words or in writing, that's all the proposal you'd need to make.

If you want to give him a ring or some kind of engagement token, that might be nice. A couple that I know in my department went out and bought each other matching poesy rings together, so they both had engagement rings to wear. You might want to consider that, too.

Traditions are traditions, but they're not set in stone. Do what makes the most sense and makes you the most happy.

And congratulations.


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Member # 968

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I'm engaged to my girl. We should be getting married early next year.

First off, a comment for your guy (and you too!) if he goes ring hunting: SHOP AROUND!
Key things:
* Find something to suit you, and your hand. Not always as easy as it seems. A massive diamond looks bad on a small hand.
* Taste. My girl likes distinctive things, so I tried to find something fairly unique.
* Learn about stones, sizes, cuts, clarity, colour, and settings. Learn about the different alloys - 14, 18, 22, and 24kt, yellow gold, white gold (some white gold alloys are better), and platinum.
* Don't buy from a chain or department store, unless you want something cheapish. Anything over $US3-500 or so and you're better off trying somewhere else.
* Look everywhere. The ring is meant to last a lifetime, so why buy something less than perfect? Why waste your money, for that matter!
* Bargain. Bargain lots, but don't piss the poor salesperson off. I knocked 15-20% off the price of mine. Paying cash helps, too.
* Remember: the ring is a luxury. She won't love you less if you don't buy that $4000 ring.

My girl is getting me a ring, too. Kind of romantic, but I'm just soppy that way. ;p

Long engagements have their upsides and downsides. For one thing, if you're ready to propose, you should be at least very near ready to marry. I'll admit, even after the proposal it took some getting used to the idea that I was soon getting married, but another 6-12 months wouldn't have helped.

As to a girl asking a guy, I would've loved it. Personally, I like the idea of marrying a girl with the guts and "spark" to approach someone like that.

"A woman's body is made up of three parts: her head, her elbows, and some other bits.
Now, class...lets move on to algebra."

[This message has been edited by ThisGuy (edited 11-17-2000).]

Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey grilie.

You know, I proposed to my partner and it made his whole decade, according to him. he in fact said he was thrilled I'd aksed, because in the ten years he'd known me, I was always so adamant about not generally being in favor of marriage that though he'd considered asking before, he thought it was best to let me have my time and space. And he was right!

I didn't have a ring, but then this whole thing from the getgo hasn't followed anyone's idea of tradition. we still have yet (almostv two years later) to have a public ceremony for everyone, and figure when we do not to reenact our own ceremony, but that we'll just have a big party for everyone to bring us presents, eat a lot of food and tell us how groovy we are.

Make your own rules, that's what I say. Follow your gut, toots.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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