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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How exactly do people become SO self-centered?

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Author Topic: How exactly do people become SO self-centered?
KimmyP
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I've been thinking about this for a while now, because my best friend thinks that the whole entire world revolves around him. How is it that people become SO self-centered?

I've written a post about this before, kinda, except it was trying to get advice, on how to confront a friend like that, and to my amazement, a lot of y'all have/are going through the same thing.

Im just trying to figure out, HOW HE COULD BE LIKE THAT? I've known people that were *really spoiled* growing up..and that might add to the whole "its all about me" symdrome.

That's not true in his case, though. I thought possibly, because he's the baby of his family..(he's 19 and his bros and sisters are all like 29,30)

I can't put up with him that much longer, but he's going through some tough times, and I'd hate to just, break off our friendship because I'd feel guilty..so maybe that's why im wondering about this, as to maybe justify the situation and be more tolerant...

Did this make any sense at all? Im just pretty much to my breaking point, as far as this friendship is concerned.

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If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.--George Carlin


Posts: 54 | From: Dallas, Texas, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rizzo
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People become so self-centered because they've all gone to self-centered school!

Just kidding, sorry. But really, there are so many reasons someone can become self- centered. It just has to do with their past history. Sure, being spoiled at home, or being the youngest may have something to do with it. But so might being the oldest. So might having a really terrible past.

Basically, I think we're all self-centred, but some are better at pretending not to be.


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deegurl143
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my opinion....being self-centered is something that people...i don't know how to say it so i'll explain it!

i'll use popular as an example. how do you get popular? other people. no one just wakes up one day and says i'll be popular today. that's why i don't like the word....doesn't do it for me. when people tell me i'm popular, i'm like i doubt it cuz your meaning is different than mine.

same as self-centered...you don't wake up and decide to be self-centered. i think when a person gets so much attention that they get used to it and continue to want it...resulting in everyone else thinking they are self-centered.

i don't know, this is just my opinion and plus a way to babble (i like to talk, ok!)

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ThisGuy
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As a keen amateur psychologist (I like to laugh at people), I have a theory:

Compulsive Stupidity Syndrome

It afflicts approximately 80-90% of the human population - probably higher in areas like California (sorry, Gummy Girl!), or the Jerry Springer set.

Symptoms of the disease:
- General inability to find your butt with both hands.
- Having received help in finding your butt, you are now unable to distinguish it from your elbow. You have now developed a rash on your elbow, because you got confused while using toilet paper.
- The dot com thing. Enough said.
- A liking for top 40 music and boy/girl bands.
- Complete inability to face reality. For instance, you may feel that you are The Most Important Person In Creation, when really you are just a fashion designer with the taste and style of a dead rat covered in mauve sequins.
- Contempt for your fellow human beings, based on nothing more than the argument: "I'm prettier than her!".

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"A woman's body is made up of three parts: her head, her elbows, and some other bits.
Now, class...lets move on to algebra."


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KimmyP
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hahaha, ThisGuy..you're soo funny

I just wanted to point out, to one of the girls that said, "maybe it's because he's gotten a lot of attention in the past"....thats not true in his case. He kinda comes off as lonely..didn't have a dad, a mom who worked a lot trying to support the family.

Oh, i don't know what to do about him! I found myself using my caller ID to avoid him tonight!

Here's a thought...could be be soo wrapped up in himself because nobody else is?

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Its ALL good :)
If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.--George Carlin


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deegurl143
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sorry if you thought i was talking specifically about your guy, but i was just talking .

it's possible that low self-esteem leads to self-centered. people (in general) like to pretend to be something different.

it's also possible that they didn't get enough attention so they give it to themselves.

~Doreen

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**Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted**

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JaMeS & DoReEn 4eVeR
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LilBlueSmurf
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Hmm yeah ... i agree w/ ya chickie!

I think if he hasn't gotten a lot of attention in the past, then he has no reason to expect it now ... so he's giving it to himself. Low self esteem is probably a big issue here and he wants to come off as someone who seems confident ... even though he's not.


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LilBlueSmurf
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Hmm yeah ... i agree w/ ya chickie!

I think if he hasn't gotten a lot of attention in the past, then he has no reason to expect it now ... so he's giving it to himself. Low self esteem is probably a big issue here and he wants to come off as someone who seems confident ... even though he's not.


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glitter695
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People can become self-centered just by hanging out with the wrong crowd. I dont get why people are like that either, I have some friends that are like that, and I wonder where they got this from. I think sometime people act like that JUST to get on other people nerves.

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*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
*~*~12/3/99*~*~*
"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!


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Heather
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I feel I need to mention that on a psychological level, most schools of psychology recognize that the biggest grunt of ego development (the big ol'thing that makes you you, in terms of your own identity) happens in adolesence.

So, it's really quite normal for young adults to be or appear to be self-centered: they are! All people need to be when they're developing like this in order to define their own identity. Ever had anyone say to you or one of your friends that you think 'the whole world revolves around you?" Sometimes, that's because at certain stages of life, it really kinda DOES.

I usually prescribe patience and communication for times like these. You can tell your friend nicely that he's being a little selfish in your eyes, and it's making you uncomfortable. but for most people, this too shall pass. Really, cross my heart.


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Ron
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This is an age old question about which volumes have been written (saying more or less what folks have said here!) But I agree with ThisGuy, it is a widespread phenomenon.

Self-centeredness is a normal phase of our existence. It starts about 18months of age when we first get the idea that there is a self, me and mine and all that. It important in those early years for that sense of self to mature and become strong to give us the confidence we need to be an autonomous and responsible person.

Then we start to grow out of it, we start to become 'adults'. We start to realize there are other people in the world who aren't just there to gratify us, but that have there own 'self' that they care about too. First we learn to be polite so we stop getting the s**t kicked out of us,but then we mature further and realize that other people really are just like us and are just as important as us.

A lot of people, for different reasons (like being neglected) don't get beyond the first stage completely. I think fear and insecurity usually has a lot to do with it but, everybody's different and its complex. But many people who should be into the second stage somehow get stuck back there in the narcissitic phase of me and mine. It really makes them unhappy and they often need to go through some kind of therapy to get out of it.

Finally, we go beyond the 'others are just as important as me' phase to realize that the real secret to happiness is to put others first, as more important than me. This is hard for most of us to swallow at first (we're mostly stuck somewhere in the second stage) but it is the teaching of all the sages, Jesus, Buddha etc.

You might say self-centeredness in *the* problem of human happiness.


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aleox
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The same happened to me too. When I split up with my boyf he seemed to change into this amazing big headed moron. It wasn't just I who noticed his sudden change his friends and other noticed to. Some people confronted him and it made him slightly less big headed but he's still nothing like when I went out with him. I suppose you could say he's acting like a stupid stud 'lad' (no offense to the nice guys out there!) He thinks he's some kind of love god and I suppose it's partly blamed on his friends but also because that's how he acts. He has a confident and cocky cover which seems to have grown since we split up. Why do you think he's done this?

I think you should confront your friend because maybe if he knows how he's acting then he might stop.

Sometimes people act like this because they are insecure and so put up a cover to hide it.

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"#you could be my unintended choice, to live my live my life extended. you could be the one i'll always love, you could be the one who listens. i'll be there as soon as i can, but i'm busy mending broken pieces of the life i had before#"-Muse


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doyouwrong
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I think that all starts when you start thinking that your all that and that nobody seems to be better than you. I respect how some actors and actresses stay normal. I met Claire Forlani before and she knows that she's famous and really pretty but she was a very nice person. And wasn't walking around with her nose in the air for sure.
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KimmyP
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I just thought of something else, that he does, besides being extremely self-centered..is that he never takes responsiblity for anything! Im sure that ties into the "whole world revolves about me syndrome" that he has.

He acts like everything is out of his control, when in reality, it isn't.
Say that he has a month to write an essay paper, and at the last minute he decides to go shopping with his sister for a birthday present. Then the next day, he'd tell the teacher that there was no way for him to complete the paper because he just HAD to take care of some family business.

He accidently deleted something that I was working on the other night. Instead of saying, Im so sorry that i accidently closed down that program, he's always like, " I coudln't help it that I closed down the program, Im not used to this program, its stupid. You can just retype it, now get outta my way, i need to check my email."

Gosh, im not a negative kinda person, but I keep finding things about him that i can't put up with, and i tend to be a tolerant person. I think some MAJOR time away from him would be great.

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Its ALL good
If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.--George Carlin

[This message has been edited by KimmyP (edited 11-21-2000).]


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glitter695
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Tell him you dont like the way hes acting, who cares BE BLUNT, since he is nasty to you and, wants everything his way, tell him thats not the way things go. Tell him the world doesnt revolve around him. Tell him whats on your mind. Tell him that your relatonship is going down the drain just because if the way hes acting.
If you dont say nothing, he just going to act the same way and never change.

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*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
*~*~12/3/99*~*~*
"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 11-21-2000).]


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ThisGuy
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The world revolves around me and my penis!

Except sometimes I get these really nasty friction burns. Continents are so jagged and scratchy.

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krazy4RL
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i don't know how they become selfcentered but when you find out let me know, because there is A LOT of them at my school. And frankly they get on my nerves A LOT. LOL!!

~*~Krazy4RL~*


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Lin
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OMG, ur fren sounds totally like my supposedly good friend in school. Except she is a she.

I wouldn't call her self-centred. I prefer self-obsessed. I believe she really is just obsessed about herself. So much so that she is unable to look out and notice the opinions of other people. it IS amazing how much she can talk about herself. She can go on and on and on. And yes, she is totally incapable of taking responsibility of her actions. She is NEVER in the wrong and it is amazing how self righteous she can get.

Honestly, Kimmy, you just need to tok to your fren. If he really treats you as a friend, he will understand what you are saying and shld make the effort to try and stop being so self-obsessed or self-centered. If after talking to him, he doesn't even make the effort to try and change or tone it down, I guess you kno where this friendship is headed.

I dun really have a reason as to why people become like that but I think some people are just not able to accept criticism. Like my friend, we DO tell her that she is self-obsessed. Does she listen? NO. She goes back to her other group of friends who console her and tell her that "Of course, you are not self-obsessed. THey are the ones with the problem." Who would you rather believe? People who say good things about you or people who criticise you? Soon, you start ignoring the people who offer you constructive criticism and you start hanging around ONLY with the people who love you and tell you what you want to hear.

Of course, my other fren puts this down to blood groups. She firmly believes that girls, guys dun apply for this, with certain blood groups have certain characteristics. This fren is a B+ and according to my other fren, all B+ people are the same. She is of course speaking from her own experience. Fact or myth, I have NO idea.

Gd luck Kimmy. I think you are wonderful just to be able to be so nice about it for so long. I'm dying and I have honestly given up all hope on this friendship.


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