I have never been in an LDR before. However, I will be shortly. In a military-induced LDR, as my partner has joined the Coast Guard. Basic Training in Maryland then contracted to a big ole boat in Alaska. For the record, my butt is firmly planted in Washington State.
Fortunately, comminication has never been a problem. Neither has putting in a little effort and understanding.
I've dated enough that when I go over the numbers, it suprises me, but my best and longest relationship was long distance. He was also the only person I've ever loved (not as a friend or a sister). Only that love held us together long distance. We were both hormonal tenagers and declared the relationship "open" because we didn't want to hold the other back, but we could never find the heart to get physically involved with anyone back home. We of course e-mailed constantly, talked on the phone at least once a week, and masturbated to take the edge off the sexual frustration. Even thouh being physically apart was hard, it wasn't the sexual element that ended up destryoying our relationship. I couldn't see him or touch him or juust know that I could if I needed to, nor could he about me. When it got to the point that it hurt as much as it brought this amazing joy into our lives, we slowly stopped loving each other. Our relationship ended (we're still really good friends) not because we weren't emotionally close or able to get each other's seex partners, but because we couldn't just be around each other in the most basic ways. I still miss what we had half a year later, but we can't make it work.
Posts: 29 | From: Okieville, USA | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Ashy: ... a kiss, a squeeze, a certain look in each other's eyes...
Thats what I'll miss the most, I'm about to leave for Uni, although I'm not going to be that far away (about 3/4hours by train) It's the knowion that I can't just look up and see him smile at me, not being able to laugh with the only person I know who'd appricate the joke. It's the little tiny things that make it special and thus ly will make it so hard for me.
------------------ Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.
I'm currently in a LDR, I've known the guy for almost four years, we are only about 8-10 hours apart, we've planned to move to West Virginia after I turn 19 (so thats only 4 years 6 months and 4 days away) we've talked about baby names and all that.... I love him with my all, we've been through a lot of stuff together, he cheated on me...i got over it, my love for him was bigger than the pain was thank god. We've broken up, I was with him the first year for awhile then we stopped talking, then we re-met...and got back together about 5-6 times :-D, We try to talk as much as we can, but with me at school all day, him having a job and college to go to, its really really hard, I've cheated on him before and he knows it, we have a lot in common, we were both raped, his was worse though....any rape is bad, but i wanted the sex....just not like that (rambling, sorry) I get to see him this November, after he turns 18, and hopefully i will see him every weekend or every other weekend. We probably will have sex eventually, but we've lasted without. Sex is important in a relationship, but it isnt everything. anyways, LDRs will work if the people want it too, and they talk enough. As long as the person can make you laugh, and vice versa. well thats all i have to say.
Hmm.... I met him at a club a couple of months ago, and we snogged on the dance floor. I almost went back to his hotel room but decided against it because I thought I wouldn't be seeing him again (he was going to leave for Japan in a couple of days and would be there till the end of the year). I'm glad I didn't because I douobt that he would have gotten back to me once he left for Japan if that happened.
Well, he got back to me a month ago, and we've been talking over icq and things, with my web cam on always, so there's somekinda visual connection that makes it different from just talking to anyone else.
He's coming back in a month.
And we'd probably have sex, yeah. why not. I'm a nymphomaniac. :P
How many of you have had long distance relationships?
How did they turn out?
Well, I can't predict the future, but so far, so good.
What types of things did you do when you weren't with your mate?
Were you ever unfaithful, or was the other unfaithful?
No and no.
How often did you talk?
Pretty much on a daily basis.
How often did you have sex?
Did you need sex while you weren't together?
No. You really can survive without it while your partner is away. Really.
And you always hear that "long distance relationships don't work" and maybe that's the case most times, but they CAN work. You just have to be committed and dedicated and have a real and true love for the other person.
I have a LDR with my boyfriend of 3 years since he is studying in Germany at present (I'm in the UK). It's NOT easy, it's completely doable, but it's hard and it's lonely a lot of the time, especially if everyone around you is all coupley and you're really missing your mate.
We see each other about once every 5-6 weeks, which is a lot considering we are poor students and have to fly to see each other. But we speak every other day or so on the phone, we email etc. I have absolutely no intention of being unfaithful and I have every confidence in him too.
As for the sex issue well, imagine not seeing somebody you are really attracted to for 6 weeks, and then have them arrive on your doorstep. Yeah, it does wonders for your sex life! And there's always phone sex!
i was/and currently in a long distance relationship. At first it did not work out because i cheated on him because we never seen each other and we could only talk when he called my cell phone late at night when my parents were sleeping. So when his mother told him that i cheated on him we broke up. Neatless to say 5 months without me he called my house and we got back together. we have been together for a pretty good while and we are very happy. Although he still lives out of town and I hardly see him we are working things out. So you never you if your realtionship is going to work out or not.....mine is.
I was in a long distance relationship for 2 months. I lived up north and he lived in florida. We met online. (of course) and fell in love. We've been together for almost a year. After dating for 2 months I moved down with him. Were getting married in February. Love is great!!!!!!!
Posts: 48 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I was in a yeah and and a half relaionship in which the last 6 months was long distance. At times things got frustrating, like any relationship. We talked almost everyday, and saw each other every 3-4 weeks. We decided to put our relationship on hold until I moved back to the area. I'm not big on long distance and the main reason is if I have a boyfriend I like the option of seeing him when I want to.
I'm not dissing the long distance thing, it's just not my cup of tea. So by all means make your own opinions.
Posts: 1 | From: Los Angeles, CA,USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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I am in a long distance relationship. It has been long distance for a year and 4 months. Its really difficult being away from each other all the time. It makes the time we do spend together that much more important. We have complete trust in each other and we know that we are both faithful and will always be. It hard but its all worth it. I think it makes our love stronger.
Posts: 57 | From: Knoxville, Tn, USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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My two relationships have both been LDRs. My first was a girl who I met online...we never met in person unfortuantely and broke up after 10 months or so *sigh* We just drifted apart after a while.
Right now, my boyfriend is currently going to college 5 hours away [while I'm still here in highschool] and neither of us drive, so the only other way for us to see each other is for him to take a 7-hour train ride back, as I'm not allowed to go up and stay with him.
Actually, I just got to see him this past weekend, eee. Hurrah for Columbus Day vacations. With the college's schedule of vacactions, it looks like we'll be able to see eachother once every month-and-a-half, or thereabouts. It's worked out really well so far, we try to talk on the phone or AIM or email as much as we can [usually ends up being every other day, sometimes more, sometimes less depending on how much work we have]. And it was amazing to finally be able to just physically be with him for the first time since late August
I miss him dreadfully and he says he misses me but we decided that we love each other so much right now we might as well give this a go for a while. And so far, it's working.
We had to be apart for the whole summer too so 3 out of the 5 months we've been together have been long distance. But I've noticed something. Since talk was all we could do over the summer, we got much closer and better at communicating with each other than we probably would have if we'd been geographically close then. Which I think is kind of spiffy *grin*
To those people who's sig others live a LONG way away (mine lives in the MIddle East) do you find yourself censoring your convos?
I knwo I have this little voice in my head that's usually thinking, mmm what happened important enough in my life to take up time on an 80 cent/minute phone call... and since we're lucky when we can talk on the phone twice a week, and no internet for him....
yeah my kinda-boyfriend lives in california and i live in new york... i've seen him once in the past year... it's pretty nuts but fortunately i am going to go visit him over thanksgiving break! wahoo!!
in some ways it's really wonderful... i do essentially have this great best friend who can make me happier than anybody else in the world... but in other ways it's extremely emotionally trying. for the most part we talk a couple of times a day, but once in a while he'll start getting really busy and not call me back a couple of times, and while really this isn't a big deal, depending on how my day has been going, i might start feeling really paranoid and unloved, or even just desperate to hear his voice... it's really rough, i wish i could be less dramatic about it, but i guess the distance and the time apart really magnifies every little thing.
but yeah, does anybody have any advice for me on how to chill out when that happens?? i'd so like to just be able to stay calm and not get irrational or unhappy.
still, i'd so much rather have him in my life than not, regardless of the rough patches, and i do think there is something really wonderful in getting to know another person so well just through talking... although yeah i will definitely admit that if we had never dated beforehand and there had been no sexual aspect to our relationship before i went back to the east coast, then this definitely would not have worked, heh.
but i always say give it a shot.... basically it's a really good test for whether your feelings for the person are merely circumstancial or are something much deeper. it's like this great quote says (unfortunately i don't remember where i got this from):
"Distance is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small; it enkindles the great."
I am currently in a long distance relationship...we have been together for 11 months now, and I'd say we've spent about 5-6 of those months away from each other. I live in North jersey and he lives in Northeast Philadelphia...so we're about an hour and 40 mins from each other.(but neither of us had cars, that would make it to our destination!) We go to the same university but we are at different campuses, they are also an hour and 40mins from each other. SO we have some distance! We havent really had any problems at all, surprisingly! We get along really well, and we do miss each other, but we learned real fast that we had to get over the distance if we truly loved each other. We both keep journals, kind of a continuous letter to each other for when we're not around each other and we cant talk on a regular basis, and it seems to help when you really want to talk to your bf/gf and you cant. Neither of us have been unfaithful, we both have very strong opinions on how wrong it is! As far as sex, we've been together for 11 months and we're both just starting to talk about sex, so that really hasnt been an issue. We did talk about numerous things when we couldnt see each other for like 3 months over the summer, we talked about how we should try new things...haha, makes things a lil more exciting i guess haha. We try to talk everyday, but when we cant we usually email, or write in our journals. I would definately suggest a journal to anyone in a long distance relationship! It has helped me on so many occasions when i just needed to talk to my bf, it was like he was there...i got to write to him
"Today I begin to understand what Love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete, like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. This is what I imagine Love to be: Incompleteness in Absence." -Goncourt
[This message has been edited by Faeryprinces (edited 10-22-2003).]
Well, I am about 2 months into the LD part of this R. And I have to say, I think the 450 miles between us are actually a good thing. We get to have our own lives, develop our interests, etc... we have SO much to talk about! (but you never want to see the phone bill... ergh...) It is very hard sometimes though. We'd spent every day together for most of the time that we'd been together until August, so it was a hard adjustment. We agreed that we won't promise to be monogamous, but we would tell the other if we weren't. So far no cheat. So yeah- surprisingly enough, I'm finding that the LDR thing rocks.
last year, i was dating this amazing guy... but then i had to move, 10 hours away from him. so we broke up, thinking that would be better. after a couple months we decided to continue being a couple, becuase we still loved and cared about eachother. weve been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now. i see him every holiday, and at least once a month he comes up for hockey, so we spend time together. Yes, everytime we see eachother, we do something sexual. i have been unfaithful to him a couple times, but only because i have needs too. i dont see anything wrong with this, because i love him with all my heart.
Posts: 8 | From: Ottawa | Registered: Aug 2003
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i'm dating someone who lives 200 miles from me. i'm rather enjoying it. i see him once or twice a month, and given the infrequency of our visits, things are still fresh and new, even after a couple months. I like the distance thing because I have a lot of autonomy. we have an open relationship right now. because he's not around all the time, I don't have to lavish him with a lot of time and attention, so instead, i get my work done
how often do we talk? once or twice a week over the phone and email. he sends letters, and those are nice.
am i unfaithful? this is null question since it's open and i'm allowed to date other people. i do, when i have the time. i don't have time, so i haven't gone much of anywhere in the past many weeks.
how often do we have sex? that's a bit personal, so no comment. do i need sex when he's away? not really. my work really drains my libido (if you were writing this behemoth paper yourself, you'd be pretty far from horny, too!).
i do expect things getting more difficult in the future. by the time we decide to date exclusively, it'll be our luck that he gets shipped off to sea for 6 months (he's in the Navy). can't say how that'll go, so we'll see.
hey same here cept reverse for me im the one in high school and hes in college.. yea we have been going out for 20 months now and recently he has became friends with this chick he new in high school and i never met her but whenevr he doesnt come home on the weekends he hangs out with her and i dunno what i can do it makes me really sad cuz i dunno whats happening and stuff and nothing i can really do i dont think .. yea tell me what ya think i could used some views on the subjects ok thanks
Manda, have you discussed this with your partner? It's perfectly normal for him to have platonic girl friends but it's also normal to be a bit jealous. Why not tell him how you're feeling and discuss what the two of you can do to make you feel a bit better about things. I'm sure you can strike a balance if you communicate.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001
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Yea your right but this chick is all like wanting to be his roomate next year and stuff, i dunno what she is thinking buti really love him and like every time i talk to him i think about it constanly i know i am way overdramatising this but i dunno but i'll talk to him and see what we can do so thanks for that advice! sorry i didnt know i posted twice i thought the first one didnt show up! never do it again
hey! well ive been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now.. its very hard, but we've made it this far, lol. we r straight up about everything, if one of us mess around w/ someone else the other one is the first to know. long distance can work, u just have to always tell the truth and have faith that ur mate loves u!! good luck!!
Posts: 1 | From: tennessee | Registered: Feb 2004
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I've been in A long-distance relationship now going on 6 weeks. I love it and hate it at the same time. I miss him alot, but it's nice not to be in a sense tied down. A nice break. I get to see him in December after almost 8 months of being apart. From there will go in yet another long distance relationship alot closer to each other, 2 1/2 hours away vise a 24hr flight. Where totally looking forward to being closer to each other and being able to see each other more often.
Posts: 95 | From: Liverpool, NY | Registered: Mar 2004
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ok.... i need help from all u LDR pros. I'm new at this (as in never ever done it before) so here goes: We were together for 10 months before he moved across the country to New York (3000 miles =(. He's been gone for 7 weeks (I know, its not that long, but we're just starting out) and it's been pretty awful. I get mad at the stupidest things (him dancing with his good girl friend or hugging a friend for example) but I can't stop myself. It makes me so angry that he's doing stuff over there that he wouldn't do if he was here. I mean I'm probably doing the same things but its different because I KNOW what I'm doing harmless and no matter how much he tells me what he does is harmless, I can't beleive it. How do I get over it? He's coming home next weekend and we're hoping that seeing eachother will help us remember why we're in this. We've put a lot of weight on this weekend so I'm worried that things will be stressful. what can I do? please give me some advice if you have some! thanks
Posts: 273 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Hey, I'm in a new relationship, though it's been a couple months, but I've actually been with him physically for about 5 days.. But he's in the navy and is out on a ship for 7 months. The only communication we have is email, and he writes when he can, but that sometimes could be once every couple of weeks. Since I've only seen him about a week 1/2 before he left, we haven't had sex or anything. But I actually realized how hard it is! Since also this is my first actual relationship, and it just sucks. But I trust him, and I've opened up to him alot. So I forgot exactly why I decided to post...but hopefully this whole thing will work out in the end!
Posts: 1 | From: Mac,Oregon,USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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