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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Long Distance (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Long Distance
KittenGoddess
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*sigh* I just dropped my boy off at the airport tonight (after about three tries -- they canclled his flight, etc.). I miss him terribly already. We've just finished spending a month together, which is the longest stretch we've ever had together. It was absolutely amazing. I think one of the things that struck me more than anything else was that we never started taking being together for granted. We both lived every second of it for all it was worth, almost as though we felt we were going to be apart the next day. It was just incredibly special.
quote:
Tracy Chapman 'The Promise'
...It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-12-2003).]


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Without_Promises
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well, ive had many! but they dnt really work out i find, as soon as u met a new person, closer to home, u just go with them! wots diffucult about long distance relasionships is that, the pair of u never really know wen it has ended! so u get all confused!

my b/f went out with a girl from an american exchange wen it was at our school, and wen she left they promised, wen we went over there, to get bak together! now unfortunately, he got together with me and now is not going on the exchange for various reasons! but he hasn't told her anything, and she is totally oblivious! the bad thing is i used to slag her off, becoz she had him, after i let him go, but now i hav him agen...and i feel pretty awful about it all!

so long distance relasionships suck really! btw, if anyone has a solution to that problem, i would be glad to hear it, by the 16th of april.

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Miz

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 01-18-2003).]


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Moose
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Well no one's posted on this topic in a while but I'd like to say that I think LDRs are just like anyother relationship.
Both you and the other person involved just have to be dedicated to it and have a little bit of patience and more than a little bit of money Problems come up and you have to go through them together and put some work into it that's all.
But that's just me.
My long distance relationship is going very well, we haven't seen eachother face to face yet but that'll change soon
I've never been unfaithful to him and he's never been nfaithful to me.
We have no lives so we IM eachother everyday for atleast six hours or more.

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Prepare to meet your moosey fate

[This message has been edited by Moose (edited 07-03-2003).]


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Glowsticks
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Urgh. Long Distance is stupid! I dated this guy for like...4 years...from like 11 until I was 15. I live in Cali and he lives on the East Coast(flip flopping between Virginia, Pennsylvania and Florida). What we figured out is that we were both WAY too young(as you can see). But it was still a good relationship. We we like best friends. We would talk on the phone for hours on end, from dusk til dawn. We planned on meeting when we turned 16(Our parents OK'd it and everything!) But we stopped talking for a while and we both got into 'real' relationships(we had met on the Internet). We said we loved eachother, but being so young, I'm not sure if we really meant it. He says he still has feelings for me, but like I said, we both have other partners at this point(We're both 17).

My current boyfriend, I don't think would be considered long distance. We met on the net...but he's only about 5 miles across town :P


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SilentJuliet
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Though my boyfriend and I aren't a long distance apart (unless 8 miles counts ;) I feel like we're in an LDR, because we hardly get to spend any time together. He works long hours, few holidays... We've been together eleven months now (our year anniversary is in two months =D) and we recently agreed that we HAD to talk every night, if even just to say that we love each other. It gets hard, especially now that school's out for the summer, so I don't have much to keep myself preoccupied. I think pretty much every fight we've ever gotten in has had to do with the lack of time we get to spend together. On the occasions we do see each other, though, we make the best of it that we can, catching up on each other's lives, and - when possible - renewing our sex life ;) It isn't easy, but we both know that we love each other more than anything, and we're willing to put up with the hardships to be together.

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"I don't care what others think of you, because I know that you are the most beautiful person in the world." -my Romeo


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Balha
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well, i am in a long distance relationship right now, it is hard cause she lives in the states and i live in canada, so yah, it's only been 2 months but we are really close. i am going down there in august by myself, and i am only 17. i am making this work, cause i love her soo much, she means everything to me and i trust her and she trusts me, so yah, it is hard, but if it's love it will conquer over all.
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Mehitabelle
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I've been in one for three years now; we see each other about every month or so, maybe month and a half- it used to be longer. He lives about five hours from me.
And he's great, and I love him, and it is important to keep talking otherwise we fall out of sync and have dumb conversations about nothing, and one night is much too short a visit, and it helps to have one's own life, away from the fellow.
We are going to be going to college very near each other, with a free shuttle bus between the two campuses...can anyone who has been in a long distance relationship that then became short distance (at college, specifically) tell me anything or relate at all? I am a little apprehensive...excited but apprehensive; it'll be a big change, lumped on top of all the other college-related adjustments...(this isn't really relevant, but it's one of my major anxieties at the moment, I'm afraid having a roommate will cramp my jilling off/sleeping naked/waking up snuggling with the boyfriend style.)

And I CANNOT STAND John Donne. (That poem prompted me to post.)


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Mehitabelle
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And we are still figuring out sex...as in, not having stupid sex just because we won't get a chance to for another month.

And there has been a lot of loneliness, and a fair amount of pain...but a lot of great stuff, too; in some respects the distance has been really good, as it has made us talk about stuff, and made sure we didn't get too dependent on each other.

And neither of us has been unfaithful, but it's really, really good to acknowledge the possibility...in other words, we could if we wanted to... When we got together we were both fifteen and idealistic and convinced we were going to grow up and get married...that has changed to some extent; my life is not twirling around the fact that I don't want to break up with this boy, it's not written in stone...I mean, I still don't, but I think I'd be all right if we did. We are together because we want to be together in other words, not because it's graven in stone that we won't break up.
Although the graven-in-stone thing has, I think, gotten us to work through a lot of stuff that I guess a lot of couples would have just broken up over.
It does take work. Whoever said that was right. But if you love each other, and if you're compatible etc., it's worth it, I think. And love letters- real ones, in envelopes, are a neat thing to have a box of.

Love is nice.

I didn't mean for this to be this long, but it's a big part of my life, so I guess it just came out.


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madisonE911
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Well I'm sorta new to the whole long distance thing...I'm pretty much new to the relationship thing. I'm 17 and I've only had one relationship w/someone. We've been dating 9 months and we've been through a lot. I'm a good 7 hours (4, the way he drives) from my b/f. He'll be in FL in a few months but so far the distance thing is working out fine. It was really hard the first week b/c I was used to seeing him pretty much every day for 8 months. But then we started talking every day for a couple of hours...either online or on the phone. One day we talked for 13 hours on the phone...and no, that's not a typo. And we really talked. He's my best friend. As far as sex is concerned we do okay. I mean we talk about our sex life and talk about finding new and interesting ways to keep that flow going. We talk about what we like and what we want to do and when we see each other we try to make those plans a reality. After the first week I stopped noticing that he wasn't there every day. I moved to where i am now to start working before i started college and i still regret it but this is something i have to do and something we both think is for the best. We have decided to get married after i finish school since i'll be done before him and if we want a future for our children then this is something we have to do. I have a full ride to my school on academics and he has a full ride to his school based on his swimming. It's hard and I'll never get used to being away from him but I think we'll make it. When i say we've been through a lot...I mean A LOT. I don't think this distance is gonna kill us. If anything it has brought us so much closer. We open up a lot to each other so it doesn't feel like we're that far apart. As far as being unfaithful....we haven't and don't plan to. I think it'll work. I believe it can. So good luck.
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Msj
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I am currently in a long distance relationship and I do find it to be hard but sometimes, what with being able to not call each other or send letters, but I feel it is well worth it in the end. He lives on the other side of the country (Oregon) while I am in Florida and once we get into college (he's going to texas for college) he's going to try and visit me when he has breaks. We've been together for 7 months and I hope it does work out because I want it to work. Instead of thinking of how much I miss him or want him with me I occupy myself with other stuff like school and work. The more you dwell is the worse off you'll be so I try not to worry as much. I'd feel too dependent if I did.

[This message has been edited by Msj (edited 07-22-2003).]


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sachie
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i'm in a long-distance relationship right now, actually. it's worked out pretty good so far... the main thing i've discovered is you've got to have a life. you have to keep doing the same things you did before. that holds true in any relationship, i suppose. but especially in long-distance ones, because otherwise you'll be miserable. neither of us have been unfaithful, although i've kissed someone else. (polyamory's nice.) we talk almost every day, maybe every other day. i usually call her. as for sex.. uh... we haven't had it. i think about it though. ;P yes, that's all i have to say.

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libido ergo sum.


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DangerouslyInLove
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i was in one. he was in atlanta and i was in miami. talkin on the phone was cool but not being able to c him hurt. plus, it was beginning to cost too much to go from atlanta to miami. now i live in atlanta and we just have a wonderful freindship
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krayzieqt55
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i think long distance relationships are capable of lasting as long as there is trust and honesty.. and most importantly communication. i was in a relationship where we saw each other basically everyday, eventually you get sick of each other. I think that in a long distance reltionship (if you get to see each other every few weeks), it can acrually be better because you miss the person and once you get to see them, everything is just amazing. But i havent been in one yet so i wouldnt know for sure.. but im probably going to by the end of the summer... so im hopin everything works out

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~*~XoX~*~


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Ashy
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As I embark on my first LDR, I was wondering, how do you integrate the sensual and sexual aspect of the relationship without physically being there? My partner and I have been working at communicating and exploring the new facet of our relationship through emails, letters, and obscenely long phonecalls, but we've both wondered about this.

It hasn't become a problem, but it's odd to think how much is "lost" that used ot be there in a kiss, a squeeze, a certain look in each other's eyes.

I think that for right now, I feel that sensual aspect of our relationship based on what we previously had when we could see each other. So, I'm wondering how y'all incorporate sensuality or just feelings that aren't quite chaste into long distance communication.


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cupcake
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LOL I feel like such a glutton for punsihment. One of the people who posted WAY up there was my ex...

And now, I'm dating a South African who's currently living in Qatar (for those who don't know, it's over in that clump with UAE, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Iran...)

The way it's looking now, I won't be seeing him until May.... Visa requirements and such make things VERY complicated. The plan is currently for me to fly over there for a month in May. I guess we'll see how it winds up working out.

Packages cost a FORTUNE to send into the middle East, besides the (always present) risk that it won't get there. So I've taken to sending cards. Costs me 1.25$ to send it, and I try to throw a thing of gum or puzzle pieces in, just for a little fun. It's something different.
It's surprising how hard it is to find small, flat, light things to send...Right now I've picked up some postcards from where I live (he's never seen it, he was turned away at the border) and cut them up into puzzle pieces.

If anybody else has any ideas, PLEASE post them! LDR's need all the help they can get!


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DarkChild717
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I have never been in an LDR before. However, I will be shortly. In a military-induced LDR, as my partner has joined the Coast Guard. Basic Training in Maryland then contracted to a big ole boat in Alaska. For the record, my butt is firmly planted in Washington State.

Fortunately, comminication has never been a problem. Neither has putting in a little effort and understanding.


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persephone801
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I've dated enough that when I go over the numbers, it suprises me, but my best and longest relationship was long distance. He was also the only person I've ever loved (not as a friend or a sister). Only that love held us together long distance. We were both hormonal tenagers and declared the relationship "open" because we didn't want to hold the other back, but we could never find the heart to get physically involved with anyone back home. We of course e-mailed constantly, talked on the phone at least once a week, and masturbated to take the edge off the sexual frustration. Even thouh being physically apart was hard, it wasn't the sexual element that ended up destryoying our relationship. I couldn't see him or touch him or juust know that I could if I needed to, nor could he about me. When it got to the point that it hurt as much as it brought this amazing joy into our lives, we slowly stopped loving each other. Our relationship ended (we're still really good friends) not because we weren't emotionally close or able to get each other's seex partners, but because we couldn't just be around each other in the most basic ways. I still miss what we had half a year later, but we can't make it work.
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The1andonlyAmber
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quote:
Originally posted by Ashy:
... a kiss, a squeeze, a certain look in each other's eyes...

Thats what I'll miss the most, I'm about to leave for Uni, although I'm not going to be that far away (about 3/4hours by train) It's the knowion that I can't just look up and see him smile at me, not being able to laugh with the only person I know who'd appricate the joke. It's the little tiny things that make it special and thus ly will make it so hard for me.

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Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.


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JayBee
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I'm currently in a LDR, I've known the guy for almost four years, we are only about 8-10 hours apart, we've planned to move to West Virginia after I turn 19 (so thats only 4 years 6 months and 4 days away) we've talked about baby names and all that.... I love him with my all, we've been through a lot of stuff together, he cheated on me...i got over it, my love for him was bigger than the pain was thank god. We've broken up, I was with him the first year for awhile then we stopped talking, then we re-met...and got back together about 5-6 times :-D, We try to talk as much as we can, but with me at school all day, him having a job and college to go to, its really really hard, I've cheated on him before and he knows it, we have a lot in common, we were both raped, his was worse though....any rape is bad, but i wanted the sex....just not like that (rambling, sorry) I get to see him this November, after he turns 18, and hopefully i will see him every weekend or every other weekend. We probably will have sex eventually, but we've lasted without. Sex is important in a relationship, but it isnt everything. anyways, LDRs will work if the people want it too, and they talk enough. As long as the person can make you laugh, and vice versa. well thats all i have to say.

Jessika

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Santianna
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Hmm....
I met him at a club a couple of months ago, and we snogged on the dance floor. I almost went back to his hotel room but decided against it because I thought I wouldn't be seeing him again (he was going to leave for Japan in a couple of days and would be there till the end of the year). I'm glad I didn't because I douobt that he would have gotten back to me once he left for Japan if that happened.

Well, he got back to me a month ago, and we've been talking over icq and things, with my web cam on always, so there's somekinda visual connection that makes it different from just talking to anyone else.

He's coming back in a month.

And we'd probably have sex, yeah. why not. I'm a nymphomaniac. :P


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spazgrl07
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How many of you have had long distance relationships?

ME!

How did they turn out?

Well, I can't predict the future, but so far, so good.

What types of things did you do when you weren't with your mate?

Nothing.

Were you ever unfaithful, or was the other unfaithful?

No and no.

How often did you talk?

Pretty much on a daily basis.

How often did you have sex?

We didn't.

Did you need sex while you weren't together?

No. You really can survive without it while your partner is away. Really.

And you always hear that "long distance relationships don't work" and maybe that's the case most times, but they CAN work. You just have to be committed and dedicated and have a real and true love for the other person.

Best wishes,
Beth


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ilaura2003
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I have a LDR with my boyfriend of 3 years since he is studying in Germany at present (I'm in the UK). It's NOT easy, it's completely doable, but it's hard and it's lonely a lot of the time, especially if everyone around you is all coupley and you're really missing your mate.

We see each other about once every 5-6 weeks, which is a lot considering we are poor students and have to fly to see each other. But we speak every other day or so on the phone, we email etc. I have absolutely no intention of being unfaithful and I have every confidence in him too.

As for the sex issue well, imagine not seeing somebody you are really attracted to for 6 weeks, and then have them arrive on your doorstep. Yeah, it does wonders for your sex life! And there's always phone sex!


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ElizabethAyala
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i was/and currently in a long distance relationship. At first it did not work out because i cheated on him because we never seen each other and we could only talk when he called my cell phone late at night when my parents were sleeping. So when his mother told him that i cheated on him we broke up.
Neatless to say 5 months without me he called my house and we got back together. we have been together for a pretty good while and we are very happy. Although he still lives out of town and I hardly see him we are working things out. So you never you if your realtionship is going to work out or not.....mine is.

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ElizabethAyala


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molly_hellion
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I was in a long distance relationship for 2 months. I lived up north and he lived in florida. We met online. (of course) and fell in love. We've been together for almost a year. After dating for 2 months I moved down with him. Were getting married in February. Love is great!!!!!!!
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Majestic
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I was in a yeah and and a half relaionship in which the last 6 months was long distance. At times things got frustrating, like any relationship. We talked almost everyday, and saw each other every 3-4 weeks. We decided to put our relationship on hold until I moved back to the area. I'm not big on long distance and the main reason is if I have a boyfriend I like the option of seeing him when I want to.

I'm not dissing the long distance thing, it's just not my cup of tea. So by all means make your own opinions.


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Sweetpeas0214
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I am in a long distance relationship. It has been long distance for a year and 4 months. Its really difficult being away from each other all the time. It makes the time we do spend together that much more important. We have complete trust in each other and we know that we are both faithful and will always be. It hard but its all worth it. I think it makes our love stronger.
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Glam
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My two relationships have both been LDRs. My first was a girl who I met online...we never met in person unfortuantely and broke up after 10 months or so *sigh* We just drifted apart after a while.

Right now, my boyfriend is currently going to college 5 hours away [while I'm still here in highschool] and neither of us drive, so the only other way for us to see each other is for him to take a 7-hour train ride back, as I'm not allowed to go up and stay with him.

Actually, I just got to see him this past weekend, eee. Hurrah for Columbus Day vacations. With the college's schedule of vacactions, it looks like we'll be able to see eachother once every month-and-a-half, or thereabouts. It's worked out really well so far, we try to talk on the phone or AIM or email as much as we can [usually ends up being every other day, sometimes more, sometimes less depending on how much work we have]. And it was amazing to finally be able to just physically be with him for the first time since late August

I miss him dreadfully and he says he misses me but we decided that we love each other so much right now we might as well give this a go for a while. And so far, it's working.

We had to be apart for the whole summer too so 3 out of the 5 months we've been together have been long distance. But I've noticed something. Since talk was all we could do over the summer, we got much closer and better at communicating with each other than we probably would have if we'd been geographically close then. Which I think is kind of spiffy *grin*


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cupcake
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I actually find the opposite.

To those people who's sig others live a LONG way away (mine lives in the MIddle East) do you find yourself censoring your convos?

I knwo I have this little voice in my head that's usually thinking, mmm what happened important enough in my life to take up time on an 80 cent/minute phone call... and since we're lucky when we can talk on the phone twice a week, and no internet for him....


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PebblePerson
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yeah my kinda-boyfriend lives in california and i live in new york... i've seen him once in the past year... it's pretty nuts but fortunately i am going to go visit him over thanksgiving break! wahoo!!

in some ways it's really wonderful... i do essentially have this great best friend who can make me happier than anybody else in the world... but in other ways it's extremely emotionally trying. for the most part we talk a couple of times a day, but once in a while he'll start getting really busy and not call me back a couple of times, and while really this isn't a big deal, depending on how my day has been going, i might start feeling really paranoid and unloved, or even just desperate to hear his voice... it's really rough, i wish i could be less dramatic about it, but i guess the distance and the time apart really magnifies every little thing.

but yeah, does anybody have any advice for me on how to chill out when that happens?? i'd so like to just be able to stay calm and not get irrational or unhappy.

still, i'd so much rather have him in my life than not, regardless of the rough patches, and i do think there is something really wonderful in getting to know another person so well just through talking... although yeah i will definitely admit that if we had never dated beforehand and there had been no sexual aspect to our relationship before i went back to the east coast, then this definitely would not have worked, heh.

but i always say give it a shot.... basically it's a really good test for whether your feelings for the person are merely circumstancial or are something much deeper. it's like this great quote says (unfortunately i don't remember where i got this from):

"Distance is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small; it enkindles the great."


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sangre_red
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wow so many ppl!

im in a long distance relationship too. my gf lives about 3 hours away. i miss her constanatly!

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go ahead. try to define me. i dare you.


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Faeryprinces
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I am currently in a long distance relationship...we have been together for 11 months now, and I'd say we've spent about 5-6 of those months away from each other. I live in North jersey and he lives in Northeast Philadelphia...so we're about an hour and 40 mins from each other.(but neither of us had cars, that would make it to our destination!) We go to the same university but we are at different campuses, they are also an hour and 40mins from each other. SO we have some distance! We havent really had any problems at all, surprisingly! We get along really well, and we do miss each other, but we learned real fast that we had to get over the distance if we truly loved each other. We both keep journals, kind of a continuous letter to each other for when we're not around each other and we cant talk on a regular basis, and it seems to help when you really want to talk to your bf/gf and you cant. Neither of us have been unfaithful, we both have very strong opinions on how wrong it is! As far as sex, we've been together for 11 months and we're both just starting to talk about sex, so that really hasnt been an issue. We did talk about numerous things when we couldnt see each other for like 3 months over the summer, we talked about how we should try new things...haha, makes things a lil more exciting i guess haha. We try to talk everyday, but when we cant we usually email, or write in our journals. I would definately suggest a journal to anyone in a long distance relationship! It has helped me on so many occasions when i just needed to talk to my bf, it was like he was there...i got to write to him


"Today I begin to understand what Love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete, like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. This is what I imagine Love to be: Incompleteness in Absence." -Goncourt

[This message has been edited by Faeryprinces (edited 10-22-2003).]


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ChitarraRegazza
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Well, I am about 2 months into the LD part of this R. And I have to say, I think the 450 miles between us are actually a good thing. We get to have our own lives, develop our interests, etc... we have SO much to talk about! (but you never want to see the phone bill... ergh...) It is very hard sometimes though. We'd spent every day together for most of the time that we'd been together until August, so it was a hard adjustment. We agreed that we won't promise to be monogamous, but we would tell the other if we weren't. So far no cheat. So yeah- surprisingly enough, I'm finding that the LDR thing rocks.

-Catie


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curious&confused
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last year, i was dating this amazing guy... but then i had to move, 10 hours away from him. so we broke up, thinking that would be better. after a couple months we decided to continue being a couple, becuase we still loved and cared about eachother.
weve been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now. i see him every holiday, and at least once a month he comes up for hockey, so we spend time together.
Yes, everytime we see eachother, we do something sexual. i have been unfaithful to him a couple times, but only because i have needs too. i dont see anything wrong with this, because i love him with all my heart.

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Gumdrop Girl
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well, i'm back in the water.

i'm dating someone who lives 200 miles from me. i'm rather enjoying it. i see him once or twice a month, and given the infrequency of our visits, things are still fresh and new, even after a couple months. I like the distance thing because I have a lot of autonomy. we have an open relationship right now. because he's not around all the time, I don't have to lavish him with a lot of time and attention, so instead, i get my work done

how often do we talk? once or twice a week over the phone and email. he sends letters, and those are nice.

am i unfaithful? this is null question since it's open and i'm allowed to date other people. i do, when i have the time. i don't have time, so i haven't gone much of anywhere in the past many weeks.

how often do we have sex? that's a bit personal, so no comment. do i need sex when he's away? not really. my work really drains my libido (if you were writing this behemoth paper yourself, you'd be pretty far from horny, too!).

i do expect things getting more difficult in the future. by the time we decide to date exclusively, it'll be our luck that he gets shipped off to sea for 6 months (he's in the Navy). can't say how that'll go, so we'll see.

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Freddyzchic
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hey same here cept reverse for me im the one in high school and hes in college.. yea we have been going out for 20 months now and recently he has became friends with this chick he new in high school and i never met her but whenevr he doesnt come home on the weekends he hangs out with her and i dunno what i can do it makes me really sad cuz i dunno whats happening and stuff and nothing i can really do i dont think .. yea tell me what ya think i could used some views on the subjects ok thanks

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Love Manda


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