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Author Topic: making break ups easier
brdrlinegnius
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Member # 917

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i know that it is impossible to make them easy un less your cold hearted. i think mainly im still with my girlfriend is because i hate to see her hurt and sad. i broke up with her about 2 times but always ended up getting back together. we have been together for 10 months and we are best friends. i wish we could be just best friends but it would never work out. another thing is that i like one of her friends and my friends that i used to be really close to. but now she has a b/f. dont know what to do.

"The best of us are perfect in our imperfections."


Posts: 6 | From: phoenix, az | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jenie_Ruben
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how old are you??

Posts: 48 | From: N/A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
brdrlinegnius
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16 why????
Posts: 6 | From: phoenix, az | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
negative*nancy
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I found the best thing for me, was to break all contact. Breaking up with someone has always been a really painful thing for me, and after the fact the last thing i wanted was to be reminded of this person, who I'd cared for so much, for so long to look at me, and not see me the same way that I still saw them. So, I'd just break all contact, it made life so much easier just knowing i didn't have to see him every day, smiling, having fun... when i felt miserable.

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where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?


Posts: 361 | From: toronto, ontario, canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You know, what I have actually found is that it really helps to think outside of the box with things like this.

Basically, when we create a very specific role for someone in a relationship ("girlfriend," "friend," "lover," etc.) it means that when that relationships changes and that role no longer fits, we have to make huge breaks. On the other hand, when we aren't so apt to create those roles, but simply accept that we care about someone and that the way in which we do will likely change and grow over time, it is a whole lot easier to manage.

I met a man in my early twenties, and was romantically involved with someone else. So, we started out as friends. Later, we shifted into being lovers. Later still, we became monogamous partners and lived together, and eventually, tossed around the idea of marriage. However, over the years, it slowly became clear that we worked best as very close, platonic friends, and making that shift back really wasn't all that bad, and in the long run, we still are the best of friends, because neither of us were as attached to the idea of WHAT we were as we were simply attached to WHO we each were and our care for one another.

So, it certainly can work out to be plantonic friends when you have done otherwise, but it's really helpful not to think of it as "breaking" something. Instead, what you are really doing, is growing, changing and adapting your relationship as best makes you both happy.

...and that's really what relationships should be all about.


Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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i've had strange circumstances with breakups. all the guys i had to break things off with were quickly uprooted and moved several hundred miles away from me.

there was th first guy, who had to go to college several states away. then the guy my senior year in high school; i left him and went away to college. then the last guy broke up with me (repeatedly) and eventually left the university.

it made breaking up easier to deal with because even if i wanted to see them, i couldn't, unless i really wanted to buy a plane ticket or something.

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i think you're special ... and i don't mean that in a short bus kind of way


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hotchick
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I found that as each new guy would break up with me I would grow stronger and recover quicker. It helps to have hobbies that can get your mind off the breakup. Most important is to like yourself. I know that sounds like a load of generic crap, but it is so true. At the beginning of this year I got 'dumped' pretty badly and I reacted in the worst way. I was so devestated that for a month I spread rumors about him at school. Revenge became everything. Please comment on that because I know it was a rotten thing to do. I know that but I did learn and mature from it. That is an example of what you SHOULD NEVER DO. It is easier though if you break contact with that person. I never saw him hardly ever at school, he never called me, and I moved on. Its nice, brdrlinegnius, that you hate to see your girlfriend sad. But the most noble and honest thing to do is to tell her how you really feel instead of letting her think you care for her that way.
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Jenie_Ruben
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i asked you your age because it is kinda important in this situation because high school drama blows things way out of porportion

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I <3 Ruben 4 EVER


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hotchick
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Jenie is very right. I'm glad that she said that because I forgot to and that is VERY TRUE. When you experience love and heartache for the first time its overwhelming and its easy to make everything melodramatic. Honestly, I still get caught up in the drama, but not nearly like I did eight months ago.
Posts: 52 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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