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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SHOP TALK » Article Questions & Chat » SexYOUality: Mouthing Off On Oral Sex

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Author Topic: SexYOUality: Mouthing Off On Oral Sex
Zanney
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Mouthing Off On Oral Sex
Here are the basics, and the answers to your most common questions -- no secrets, no flashing lights and sirens, just the raw skinny on what goes on when you or someone else are going down.

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Sugar
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Hi Zanney do u think its possible for oral sex to be emotionally damaging if u give it before ur ready? at the time i was happy with going down on my boyf but sometimes i feel bad or dirty when i think about it. any advice?


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Gumdrop Girl
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Hey Sugar, any sexual activity can be emotionally traumatizing if you do it when you are not 100% ready. If you feel like you are uncomfortable giving oral sex, then you really ought to stop until you can reconcile those bad feelings. Having already given oral sex is a pretty awful reason to keep doing it if it makes you feel bad afterwards. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him that oral sex makes you feel guilty, dirty, or whatever. He should understand because if he doesn't, then he's being selfish and disrespectful of your feelings.

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Universal Law #4721: Any joke can be made funnier with the word "goatf**ker." Corollary, any story can be made more entertaining by adding a few ninjas.


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zoognick
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Can anything bad happen if a boy give oral sex to a girl?
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Heather
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"Bad" meaning....?

Can you transmit STDs or STIs? Absolutely. See here: A Quickie STD/STI Risk Assessment.

Can either of you not feel ready or be uncomofrtable? Sure.

Did you read this article, luv? Might be worth some time.

Will the world as you know it end? Unlikely.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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Caress Into Oblivion
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hey all..i just read this article and was prompted to address a few things.
oral sex is very important for both men and women, and equally important is actually knowing 'what' and especially 'how'.
(i noticed that there wasn't much written regarding the 'how')
i realize this site is promoting safety over technique, and fielding questions from the generally inexperienced..that aside, however, i can say from experience that in general, many women don't climax via intercourse, so learning how to 'go down' on a woman is very important.
if you're concerned with the odor, DON'T BE!..if the natural scent of female doesn't drive your partner wild, then, well, find a new partner!..that's something going on with them, not you, so don't let it be your problem.
it's unfortunate that in america's glossy consumer culture, superficial, unrealistic ideals of sexuality and beauty are promoted with 'shame-based' mass media 'product' and 'lifestyle' advertisements.
in other words, it's easy to see how girls who are made to feel inferior because they don't, can't, or choose not to conform to current mass media ideals could inevitably(unfortunately)feel ashamed of their vaginal odor.
do you really think that it's women who come up with those insulting "not-so-fresh-feeling" products and ads?..think again!..those same soulless lunkheads had women using LYSOL(!)..yeah, friggin lysol, as vaginal cleaner back in the 1950's.
ugh!..anyway, your partner should love to go down on you. guys, you'll bring her much greater pleasure with this than simply pistoning her ovaries for three mintues before you're off to watch some stupid game on tv!..ha..and gals, if that describes your man..move on.
ok, the last thing i wanted to point out about this article has to do with ejaculating in your partners mouth..and how the person who wrote it claimed that condoms 'should' be used, rendering this a "non-issue". she even claims that out of most of the guys she's known, cumming in a girls mouth while receiving head isn't a priority. well, i don't know what planet she's from..ha..or if she seeks the company of men who blatantly lie to her, but as for myself and my own experiences, most guys would prefer to have a girl who isn't 'grossed out' by semen. again, this speaks to the mindset of consumer culture where sex is often promoted as "icky" and keeping it as "clean"(fake)as possible is the ultimate ideal.
an obvious, integral aspect of the intimacy of oral sex is..drum roll..bringing the person to climax! from the male point of view, having a girl being grossed out by having sperm erupt in her mouth is every bit as offensive and off-putting as the guy who doesn't like to go down on his girl because of the 'odor'. it's half-assed, and it's lame. i've been with the same woman for fifteen years, and i can honestly say that enjoying each others fluids plays a big part in a "healthy" sexual relationship.
so, do your homework, sure, but realize that there are risks taken with any sexual activity, just as all of life is chance.
i've found that good sex, like good art, isn't something to be relegated to 'play-it-safe-by-the-numbers' sort of things..that zaps all the fun out of living.
rant over

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Milke
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Do realise that a lot of what we don't say is down to legality. Going into explicit sexual technique, or, really, much sexual technique at all on a website aimed at teens is a good way to get that shut site down. Know too, that while we don't have a problem with bodily substances such as semen, we know that said substances can carry disease organisms, hence the instructions on safer sex. It's up to you to choose the risks you're going to take, but we're here to teach you how to do things as safely as possible.

------------------
Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

Word up!


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Heather
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The "she" who authored that piece you're referring to, Caress, is me. I'm also the person who founded this site and several other adult sexuality sites, who edits, runs and funds it, and who, in fact, allows users like you to use the site for free.

I assure you that over the last twenty years, the wealth of male and female partners I have had have not lied to me unilaterally, nor am I naive or gullible. I also assure you that the information and advice supplied here does not merely rely on my own sexual experience, but on studies and other general data. I also assure you I'm from this planet. The divergence between your 15-year-same-partner experiences and mine, and more general experiences may well be that for those of us who have multiple partners, or shorter-term partners safer sex is very much a reality, and in addition the diversity of male feelings on the matter is vast, not as simplstic as you seem to feel it is. I'm curious about what broad studies or textts you've been reading, if any at all, to glean your "expertise" on the male and female sexual psyche.

I certainly do not speak from a mindset where sex is "icky." I am a teen and adult sex educator and activist, an erotic artist and a sensualist. If I thought sex was "icky" or expressed as much, the religious right would likely stop sending me hate mail. Safer sex is not a matter of keeping sex sanitized: it's a matter of keeping us all well and healthy enough to be able to engage in it joyfully for as long as possible. That is especially a potent issue with the younger population, in whom sexually transmitted infections and diseases are more prevalent and rising faster than in any other group.

You may enjoy fluid sharing, as may many of us. And for those who are in a safe scenario for such, that's swell. However, most of our user base are not in relationships in which the most basic standards for fluid-sharing safely are employed (longer than six months of monogamy, two full screen and safer sex practices in those first six months). Any partner who can't enjoy sex safely within very general limits and with very small measures -- measures that save lives and protect personal and public health -- because their fluids aren't being swallowed for a while, or perrmanently, isn't the sort of partner I'd hope any of our users have.

STDs and STIS don't boil down to mere chance; most sensible preventative measures are incredibly reliable, and we tend to work to make sure our users here live healthfully as long as possible so they can enjoy their sex lives -- and their whole lives -- to the fullest. Anyone who doesn't support that for them is short-sighted, misinformed as to the risks of that population, or simply more intersted in feeling an expert than in their real well-being, and guess what? We don't need that sort of misguided and hollow tripe around here.

You can take it somewhere else where people care a whole lot less. If, however, you plan to stick around, I sincerely suggest you look at the mission of the site and try and garner an inkling of respect for it, our guidelines here (which include having some measure of respect for our staff and keeping needlessly snarky comments to yourself) and for myself.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 03-25-2003).]


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alaska
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Caress, FYI, the material Heather mentioned can be found here:

Guidelines

Scarleteen: About Us

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Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~

Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
Dawn: Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'm not evil but I don't think I can be good.
Spike: Well, I'm not good and I'm okay.


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Caress Into Oblivion
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no offense intended.
your reply is a clearer representation of yourself than the article you wrote.

i found my way here via a link at another site(definately not health related, ha) scanned your article and gave a few opinions based on my own experiences.
i've read no "texts", nor conducted any "broad studies"(actually, i'm a highschool drop-out)..my views are based on the trial and error of my experiences with my wife, the few lovers i had before her, and friends and people i've known along the way.
according to you, this may indicate that my opinions aren't as 'worldly' as yours, but certainly doesn't make them "hollow" or invalide.

i understand that for pragmatic purposes, you are dealing with numbers and facts in order to encourage safety, while promoting open dialogue and communication for those who seek guidlines for wading into the often murky waters of sexual expression and liberation.

i, however, was making a philisophical point(understanding, naturally, that philosophy isn't very popular in a factoid culture)..and one that speaks to various double standards and the politics of 'sexual correctness' in our lemming-like culture. how often it seems as though our society is comprised of too many people who have been conditioned not to actually 'exist' and discover life on their own, but rather to mindlessly follow instructions and guidlines of others who have apparent agenda's of one kind or another.
an existential dilemma, indeed!

personally, i find the concept of trying to 'save the population' a bit flimsy.
most folks, myself included, have a difficult enough time just trying to make sense of their own lives, let alone anything as grandiose as bettering the population.
that's not a barb directed at anyone, it just happens to be how i see things.

it's good to have sites like this in a sexually repressive society that, because of mass media advertisement and entertainment, often wears the 'guise' of a sexually liberated society, although in numerous ways(ways where it really matters) it is clearly not.
i'm sure you do get a great deal of hate mail from the right-wingers, pro-life zealots and the like, whose camps are filled with people who must've had any hope of a sexually satisfying existence destroyed through ignorance, abuse, denial, strict religious upbringing, and so on, and are compelled to perpetuate their individual(and ultimately collective) sexual fears and anxieties by becoming teachers, ministers, counselors and so on..any position that will allow them to be exhaulted to some degree by young people with impressionable minds.
you know what i'm talking about, we've all seen examples of this.

which makes a site like this interesting, even if our "free", democratic society is illusory at best; too liberal for some, too conservative for others.
and that can't be an easy line to walk.

kudos to you, and again, no offense intended.
i'm simply a cyber-passer-by, and i've clearly no business being 'here'.


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ElfGirl
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quote:
Originally posted by Sugar:
do u think its possible for oral sex to be emotionally damaging if u give it before ur ready? at the time i was happy with going down on my boyf but sometimes i feel bad or dirty when i think about it.

I have to reply to this because I went through the same thing a long time ago.
I felt happy doing it at first, but I wasn't really ready. My boyfriend at the time wasn't very nice about it either, he would get upset and angry at me if I didn't want to do it. Only once, he gave me oral sex in return, but complained that it was gross and stopped.

It can be very damaging if you weren't ready and you might feel dirty for a long while. But you learned from your experience and next time you just make sure you're really ready. I promise someday you will be, and you can forget any past regretful experiences. I learned to put it behind me, and I know that with time you can too. Remember that someone who really cares will accept and love you whether or not you're ready.


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Jesse
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I have a question, and this is for the guys, or the girls who have had past experience. What if it were that your boyfriend/lover/whoever wanted you to give him oral sex, and that was something you were against? Assuming you hadn't told him up until he asked you. My question is, as a male, would you be offended?

--Jesse

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"Hi, is Sam there. Hi Sam. I have no idea what I'm doing. Any suggestions?"

(Common sex conversation with best friend over the phone, actually took place 7/4/03)


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xtasee69love
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I wouldn't be offended. I'd just tell him that I wasn't into that kind of thing and if he respects that then, thats great, end of story.

I've preformed oral sex on a guy a couple of times, but before that I never really thought about it until this guy I was seeing asked if I'd give him a BJ. I was like, "umm.. I don't give head...". I wasn't against it, it was just that I didn't know like how to give it. haha

Okay, i'm done with my rambling.


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Latina Chik
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If you're not ready then DON'T do it. You have to be 100% ready to do it, as Gumdrop Girl said. And when you do do it, and it makes you feel dirty or bad..ect, tell him about your situation, and how you feel. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand.

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~Latina~


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Nihko
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Question for anyone.

Ok, I've been going out with my boifriend for 3 monthes and I love him...He's the closest boifriend I've ever had, and he won't force me to do anything but I feel terrible b/c I know he won't make me but he wants me to...'pleasure' him. It feels like I'm pushing him away, is there anyway to make sure I don't lose him but still wait till I'm ready?

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If you can learn to love then you can love anyone.

No longer,
Nihko


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Logic
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From what I have seen so far Nihko(not much, so forgive me if my inferences are a tad bit off)you seem to be in a fairly open relationship with your boyfriend.

Now you didn't say it directly but I'm fairly certain you don't want to 'pleasure' him, at least at the moment anyway.

Im sure that your boyfriend will understand where you are coming from if you have a serious talk with him about how you feel on the subject. I don't think you should be pressured into doing something your not ready to and I think if he knew you were feeling pressured he would tell you that your being ready is more important than his desire.

This is coming from a 17 year old Male though so take it for what you will.

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Regardless of what we know there always is the chance of surprise. Best to stand ready with open arms and open minds, ready to take life as it is.


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Nihko
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Thanx logic, it's acctually is more encouraging coming from a guy who would know better how they think than I(being a girl. lol). I think it helps, alot. thank you.

------------------
If you can learn to love then you can love anyone.

No longer,
Nihko


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Logic
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Np, Just like to give a little help where I can(Seeing as how where I can help is relatively small I dont miss a chance)

Anyway I hope everything works out for you


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SrDemarco
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quote:
Originally posted by Nihko:
Question for anyone.

is there anyway to make sure I don't lose him but still wait till I'm ready?


Hey Nihko, I'm a guy too so I hope this will help. It is important to keep lines of communication open. It's often been said that guys want what they can't have. And this is true in some cases. While it may be difficult for him to wait--if he's mature enough and really cares about you as a person, he should be your friend as well as your partner.

Romance without friendship is an accident waiting to happen. If you have a heart to heart talk (not beating around the bush, but being blunt, yet sensitive), you should be able to work this out. It takes time to listen and time to express your own perspective, this one of the most important parts of a relationship. If he really cares about you and him getting closer and growing together, he will respect your decision to wait until your ready.


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Ace
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in regard to blow jobs, you shouldn't do it just because you partner is begging you to. the first time i did i was giving my boyfriend a hand job and just got really into it. it is best to pleasure your partner when you are already turned on, then it is not a job it is loving your boyfriend.
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Lau-Saturnine
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I agree with Ace, it should not be a chore. If your significant other really respects you then a physical action should not be the tether that you feel will maintain your relationship. Since he is not forcing you, that is an obvious plus but you should consider discussion with him so as to make it clear that you are simply not prepared, unready or do not wish to proceed with such actions yet. If he is as caring as you say I am certain he will get the hint, and understand what you are saying.

~Saturnine~ I once had a garden of flowers that only grew on dark thoughts. But they needed constant attention, and one day I decided I had better things to do. Unknown


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summergoddess
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The article is excellent for anyone who has issues or is concerned about oral sex on themselves or to their SO.

Before an consentual oral sex, i was pressured by an ex to give one. I said i wasn't ready and he kept forcing me do one. I drew the line of respect and all. I never got to the point of actually doing it because it was my right not to. We had broken up a month later after series of fights and what not. I actually had my first oral giving to a male friend of mine and i was single. We had trusted each other and respected each other. He was the same first to give me oral. But it wasn't still not complete readiness or so i thought.

When i got together with my fiance, we had already had sex 3 weeks into the relationship but it took me 4 months to be comfortable with oral sex; let alone give him one. Isaiah is so amazing. He waited, he never asked. I just did it one day out of the blue. I was like why not, give it another shot. This time it was amazing.It was done out of love. I love my fiance, and i never considered it a chore or a job.

Since then, i've always considered oral sex beautiful and natural and as intimate as intercourse. There's love, respect, communication, and so on in all sexual levels and of course in all aspects of our relationship.

The article was very well done. I had to find out the hard way of coming to understanding of oral sex and the bodies. The article is very assuring to everyone, to anyone.

------------------
~Jules


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His_Lil_Angel
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at my school oral sex is known at being 'dirty' and you are named a 'slag' or 'slut' if anyone found out ..
is male oral more common than female as you dont really hear people talking about female oral sex .. ?

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Oger
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I think male oral sex is more common than female oral for a couple of reasons. Oh yeah, Im a guy by the way. For starters, and dont ask me why, but many women are freaked out by the idea of a guy going down there. I dont know if they are worried about the smell or what (frankly its really no big deal, I personally like going down on a chick, but for the sole reason of pleasuring her). Also, I think girls can be turned off by it if the guy doesnt do it right. I mean, if your a chick, and youve had a guy go down on you 2 or 3 times, and it doesnt really do any thing for ya, you might not want to do it anymore. (thats silly by the way, you need to get your guy on track, you steer, he'll drive)

Ive been outta school for a while now, so bear with me but, How does anyone at your school find out about what your sex life is like anyways? I mean, if your sleeping with a guy who tells everyone and their brother what you two do in the sack, you shouldnt be fooling around with him in the first place.


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Thunderlinkz
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i have a question, i am 14 and the thing is everytime i give oral sex to my partner(gal)the next day my throat is always soar? is this normal?
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Blubub
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Am I weird? I like 2 stick my finger down my vagina. Does any1 else do that?
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Leo
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No, your not wierd. whenever i give my partner manual sex, i always use 2 fingers, only because she enjoys it that way. If using 2 fingers feels good then keep on doing it ^^, its not wierd or anything.
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Gumdrop Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Thunderlinkz:
i have a question, i am 14 and the thing is everytime i give oral sex to my partner(gal)the next day my throat is always soar? is this normal?

It could be that your partner notices that her throat is sore because she just gave you oral sex and so she waits for symptoms to show up. So it might be a coincidence.

If she really does get a sore throat afterwards, it could mean you're passing an infection to her. That means YOU need to see a doctor and abstain from oral sex until you get treated. Then you should adopt safer sex into your relationship. So you should provide her with some flavored condoms and use them for oral sex from now on.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


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Shodowz
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Yeah this is like Thunderlinkz question. im 14 and everytime i do oral sex to my girlfriend, my throat is sore the day after is this the same? or different? it just hurts to swallow the following day, could you help?
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Gumdrop Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Shodowz:
everytime i do oral sex to my girlfriend, my throat is sore the day after is this the same? or different? it just hurts to swallow the following day, could you help?

yeah, same deal. you could either be imagining it, or if it really hurts, then you may be passing an infection back and forth. you need to use a dental dam during oral sex.

to learn more about dental dams, read the article linked at the top.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shy Kitten
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And to think some girls take classes for Oral sex PFFT! what a load! its all bout personal prefrance!! Wow thanks Scarleteen! Thank goodness I have a guy that is very verbal... now I just need to cultivate the same boldness lol
Posts: 47 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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