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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » indirect semen question (Page 1)

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HaleyA
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hi so today i gave my boyfriend oral sex and i don't think much cum got on my hands because he came on my chest but anyways after that i wiped myself off and wiped my hands off and then about 15 minutes later i used the restroom and i know i didn't touch my vagina with my hands but I'm worried that there might have been traces of cum left on my hands and when i touched the toilet paper to wipe with it could have gotten on the toilet paper and then the toilet paper would have touched me. could you get pregnant from sperm getting on toilet paper and then getting on your vagina? i hope this makes sense
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Edith_*
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Hey there HaleyA!

I think you can find your answer in this link: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/can_i_get_pregnant_or_get_or_pass_on_an_sti_from_that

Also, this another article have a bunch of *great* info about how sperm cells work: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/patricia_h/2013/03/21/whos_afraid_of_sperm_cells

--------------------
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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HaleyA
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i have read that but i didn't see anything that matched my specific situation, i just want to know if i can't forget about this incident
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HaleyA
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i meant can not can't sorry
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Molias
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Well, there's no way we can write an article about every specific incident, you know?
So if you can't find yours in that article, how about you work backwards: find all the ways that it says pregnancy can happen. If your scenario isn't one of those ways, you can figure your answer from there.

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HaleyA
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so since it doesn't say pregnancy can happen that way, and since even a case in which you immediately rubbed your vulva with fresh ejaculate is a unlikely risk then my incident there was no risk?
so even if i hadn't wiped my hand off very well and might have brushed my fingers against my genitals when going to the bathroom this is still no risk because i wasn't inserting fresh ejaculate into my vagina? i just want to make sure i am correct on this.

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Heather
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Am I correct in understanding none of the things you are asking about in this last reply are things that have actually happened?

If so, can I ask why you are asking about them?

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HaleyA
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I'm asking because i can't fully remember if i had or had not touched my vagina accidentally when i went to the bathroom and i know that i touched a shirt with the hand that i used to give my boyfriend a hand job to wipe the majority of cum off of my chest so idk if i had cum on my hand but i probably did since it was the hand i used, and i didn't wipe it off very well i guess but i did touch a shirt and blankets but anyway I'm asking because i can't fully remember so i wanted to know in case those things actually did happen. please help me
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Heather
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Okay, but that is not the same thing as having a hand full of fresh ejaculate and rubbing it all over your vulva. You know you did not do that, yes?

As our content makes clear, indirect contact like you are actually concerned with does not pose risks of pregnancy.

Sounds like given the way you are feeling now, the kind of sex you have been having is not something you feel ready for yet. How about thinking about what you do need to feel okay about it, while taking a break, and only coming back to it when you both know and have what you need to feel comfortable, rather than freaked?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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yes i know i didn't do that because if i had touched myself it would have been just slightly on accident like anyone would do on accident while wiping themselves, and most of his semen got on my chest so theres no way i would have a handful i don't think?
and i had to ask because some of the answers to questions i have found and such don't say the same thing, like some say you have to be dripping with semen immediately after ejacualtion and that would still be unlikely and some say that if you have any on your hands at all theres still a risk and some say its no risk so i never know what to think about it, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, and yeah I'm usually very careful and wash my hands but this time i just wasn't thinking i guess. i also read that if you had semen on your fingers you would have to have your fingers inside the vaginal opening for a while and have them covered in ejaculate to pose a risk is this true too? thanks for your help I'm sorry about all the questions

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HaleyA
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and what do u mean by what I'm actually concerned with doesn't pose a risk? because I'm actually concerned with my hand accidentally touching myself like what i said in my post about not remembering. i just don't understand if your talking about my first initial post of what i think happened not being a risk or what i think might have happened not being a risk
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Heather
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Accidentally brushing a hand past your genitals and rubbing a handful of fresh semen are very different things. Just like, say, having a cookie in your hand and brushing it past your nose versus eating the cookie are very different things.

I think we have been as clear as we can be what you have asked about that did happen or may have does not, in reality, pose risks.

Can I ask you go back and just read the two links Molias gave to you? I assure you there are not inconsistencies between them - and we cannot do a thing about any inconsistency at other places online - and that both make very clear the kind of thing you are asking about does not present pregnancy risks. Rewriting material here we have already written elsewhere, and our users have access to, just is not a sound use of anyone's time.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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okay thank you i guess i just meant there were differences when i searched other questions on the got questions get answers part of this website, which i guess makes sense because they were answered by various people, i guess i have trouble with the articles because they don't explicitly state what happened in my incident which i now realize was foolish of me to think it would, thank you for helping me and i will try to relax and forget about this, as you can tell i get worried about nothing very easily.
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Heather
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You do not need them to, actually, to get the information you need.

What might help is to look at what situations they DO explicitly state DO present a real risk of pregnancy. And that, here, will always be DIRECT genital to genital contact or DIRECT contact between semen and your vulva. You know neither of those things were things you did, right? So you can easily know nothing here posed a pregnancy risk.

But again, might be a good idea to think about how you are feeling, and what you might need to feel better. For instance, unprotected oral sex DOES pose risks of sexually transmitted infections. If that is something you want to do, engaging in oral sex, using a condom would not only provide protection against those, it might leave you feeling a lot more secure altogether. Or, if having a partner ejaculate on your body is not something you are super-into in the first place, that might be a thing you nix since it has left you feeling freaked, and if it is not something you even experience as awesome and satisfying, then doing that does not make a lot of sense.

Get what I am saying? Making adjustments like this to go with what you need and feel best about is much more often the answer to people feeling like this than any of us delivering a set of statistics or facts presented in exactly the right words.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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i dont understand direct contact between semen and vulva, does that mean that it would have to come straight from the source, aka the penis, in order for there to be risk and that all other contact, like from hands, is not considered direct? is the example of a guy ejaculating on or near the vulva the only main example of direct contact between semen and vulva?
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HaleyA
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i mean come straight from the source right onto the vulva if that wasn't clear
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Heather
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Happy to clear that up for you, and yep, you have that right. When we talk about direct contact between semen and your genitals, we mean someone ejaculating right unto or inside them, not with hands or anything else being a stop in between.

So, nope, semen from penis to hands to vulva, or penis to chest to tissue to hands to the mailbox to vulva, is not direct.

Just like, if it helps, drinking directly from a bottle of milk would be putting your mouth right on it and drinking. Pouring it into a glass first and then drinking would not be drinking directly from the bottle. Make sense?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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yes that makes sense thank you so so much for all your help i feel much better about everything. this site was a blessing to find and I'm so appreciative, i know answering everyones questions and upkeep on it must be very challenging so i wanted you and the other volunteers to know my gratitude. [Smile]
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Heather
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You're welcome, and glad we could help.

And if you feel like you need some help figuring out what kind of sexual pace is really right for you, so moving forward, you can make choices that leave you feeling less freaked, I am happy to get you started with some links and discussion around that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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i just had one more question that i keep thinking about, if the only ways you can have a pregnancy risk is from direct genital contact or direct contact with semen, then how does the handful of ejaculate come in to effect? like that would still be indirect contact, is that just an exception because it could in theory be the same amount that could be deposited on the vulva by direct contact? I also read that it wouldn't really be an accident if you got enough ejaculate on your vulva indirectly to create a pregnancy is that true?
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Heather
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Well, it doesn't come into effect unless you choose to have a handful of fresh ejaculate from someone rubbed unto your vulva or do so yourself. Which most people will not usually be doing, but we need to say that to try and make clear to people that their concerns about pregnancy risks from manual sex are unfounded.

One of the problems with users pushing us so hard to talk about hypotheticals when we do our best to set and hold limits about not going there is that when we do get pushed and pushed and try to answer -- mostly, honestly, so folks doing that will give us a break so we can get back to more productive work -- is that often the only answer to a question or concern that is ridiculous or out-there is an out-there or ridiculous answer. This is one of the many reasons we keep asking you guys to please not go here with us and trust that when we tell you something does not pose a risk, it is only because we are as certain as certain gets it does not.

That all given, I don't want to go where you're asking me to go for expressly that reason. I likely don't need to, since that is not likely to be something you choose to do, and going there means we have to go to a theoretical place that not only is iffy in the first place, but is also totally nonproductive because it's not about something you are actually doing. Make sense?

Also? People need to be washing their hands for so many reasons -- pregnancy, however, rarely being one of them -- before touching people's genitals. And when someone does that, all of this is moot because there is not going to be any ejaculate on the hands to begin with.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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okay, I'm sorry i asked that because i know i didn't do that i guess in my mind i just think that if something more than what i did isn't a risk than what i did definitely isn't, so i apologize.
idk why i keep freaking out i keep telling myself that i can trust what you guys tell me and that there is no way i can get pregnant from using tissue in the bathroom but idk i can't get it through my head i keep thinking that me wiping myself with toilet paper that could have had semen on it is me wiping myself with sperm that could get me pregnant do you know what i mean? like i feel like its different that indirect contact like clothing or something because I'm wiping it on my vulva. idk I'm sorry that i keep asking dumb outrageous questions, i just feel like anything i do could get me pregnant even if its not direct, and now my breasts are really sore and they usually get sore but not this sore i don't think. i know i need to trust you guys and you wouldn't tell me something isn't a risk if it was.

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Heather
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Or maybe you need some backup from what we have told you about how human reproduction happens.

You can get that by asking a healthcare provider to explain it to you, by getting books that explain reproduction from the library, or both.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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okay your right, so theres no reason to be concerned about my breasts hurting more than normal or anything because pregnancy just can't happen that way?
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Edith_*
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Again, like Heather already explain -- in depth -- this is NOT how pregnancy happens. [Smile]

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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HaleyA
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okay, i should be getting my period soon, but if its late theres no way its because of pregnancy and i don't need to take any tests or anything?
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HaleyA
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and it doesn't matter if i was ovulating the day this happened or not right? like no risk means no risk no matter what time of month correct?
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Heather
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Have you read through this piece yet?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/where_did_i_come_from_a_refresher_course_in_human_reproduction

If not, it should answer all of these questions for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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so just to get this 100% clear the *only* possible way that indirect contact could pose any pregnancy risk at all is if a person took a hand full of just ejaculated semen and immediately rubbed it all over there vulva? and thats the only way, anything less than that is zero risk?
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Heather
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What did that piece tell you? [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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i have read it a lot of times but i feel like it never gives a definite answer it just says unlikely and it never says how much is needed or not
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Heather
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That's because, again, you're asking for a specificity of information that just is not available. It's also because "how much" is not all there is to it: as that piece explains, human reproduction is about a whole bunch of things all coming together at once, not just one thing, like quantity of ejaculate.

It just says it's unlikely because that it is unlikely is all anyone can soundly say based on the facts we have to work with.

How about we see if we can't move this forward to a more productive place? What do YOU think, per your sexual choices in the near future from here on out, you need to feel comfortable? What, if any, sexual activities do you feel like you feel okay, and not freaked about, now, and which ones feel iffy or for sure like things that feel scary instead of feeling okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HaleyA
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then why do you guys say no risk if the article says unlikely?

i guess i just can't get over this idk why i thinks its because my breasts are hurting worse this month and that is making me think its because I'm pregnant or something idk and i keep thinking over the incident and now i feel like i definitely did have semen at least on my thumb which could have gotten on the toilet paper but i keep telling myself that i didn't rub semen all over myself idk i obsess too much
even when you tell me its no risk I would believe it but i don't because I'm worried i didn't tell the story of what happened right or i forgot a detail or something

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Molias
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Haley, have you asked this question on our text service as well? I've seen something similar come through recently.

If so, it's much easier if you just stick to one direct service for your questions and ask for clarifications there vs. going to another one; often it's the same volunteer who will answer questions both places, and our answers around situations like this aren't going to be different even if two different volunteers handle the questions. =)

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HaleyA
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yeah i have.. I'm sorry i know your probably not suppose to do that but I'm like seriously crazy sometimes i guess because i like to ask two different places just so i have two different people telling me the same type of thing so that i can believe it better? if that makes sense? so I'm really sorry i do i know thats bad. i know you guys all tell me the same things and i need to believe it i just sometimes forget if i told you the right info in the beginning and start doubting myself that i told you right and then i think if i didn't tell you right then the answer isn't right you know what i mean? I'm really sorry.
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