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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » could I be pregnant? is this normal periods or decidual bleeding?

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Author Topic: could I be pregnant? is this normal periods or decidual bleeding?
danni.pane
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I haven't had sex before, I am almost sure I'm a virgin (there was no penetration or fingering and I never hurt downstairs or saw blood coming out). But me and my boyfriend were sexually active and his penis has always been in contact with my vagina when we fooled around and a few times he only inserted the tip.

He never 'finished' anywhere next to my V but I heard and saw on many posts that precume is not noticable but can always cause pregnancy.

The last time we were together and all of the actions mentioned above were done was early februaru, I got my period the morning after, lasted 5 days (3 heavy, 2 light) and my period after it was three days late but included sebver pain and constipation on the third day that I'm not familiar with.

I took many pregnancy tests, all of them were negative and I've been getting what I think are my periods 4 times since Feb) but I am very paranoud and obsessive, I have no way of seeing a doctor and I haven't slept properly since our last encounter in Feb. I'm very scared that I can be pregnant, in out family even losing your virginity is unacceptable. I'm scared that what I'm having is decidual bleeding not periods. And that my tummy is growing. I am skinny (53 Kggs give or take 1 Kg) but I have a tummy and I keep feeling that its getting bigger but everyone tells me its because of my very unhealthy diet.

I am always tired and I always have backpain if I walk for more than an hour or 2. My appetite changes but I don't have cravings. And only lately have I been peeing a lot.

Sorry for my very long message. I realize how all my worries may sound unreal but for me they are worries that keep me up all night and prevent me for enjoying anything. I need a professional opinion without having to see a doctor. Thank you for your help.

PS: I took a hpt 3 weeks after the encounter, one at the end of april, 2 at the beginning of may and two four days ago. They were all negative but only one of them was taken in the morning.

Again, thank you for your help!

Posts: 7 | From: uk | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi danni.pane!

There is no physical way of knowing whether you are a "virgin" or not; virginity is merely a concept. "Sex" also has some pretty varied definitions depending on the person using it. It sounds like the sexual activity you have been participating in could be considered sex, and that some of it has posed a risk of pregnancy as well as STIs.

Here are some articles to clear up what is and isn't sex and when you should use contraception:
What's Sex?
What Safer Sex Isn't
Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

Although some of the sexual activities you were participating in could have posed a pregnancy risk, it sounds like you are not pregnant. You have had your period several times since the last time you may have been exposed to a pregnancy risk, and you took several pregnancy tests. This means it's very highly unlikely that you are pregnant.

Since this has been bothering you so much and you seem a bit confused as to what kinds of sex pose a risk of pregnancy or not, I would suggest not engaging in any more sexual activity until you are more comfortable and more confident in your knowledge around sex. I hear that you haven't been sexual since february, but I would advise that you take some time to learn more about sex/sexuality before you start being sexual again.

Here are some more articles that I think would really help you:
Pregnancy Scared?
Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

I hope this helped [Smile]

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danni.pane
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Thank you so much for your reply!!

I am not very proud of the decisions I've made, I have never in my life been that sexually active but my doctor says its because of my episodes (I am disagnosed with bipolar II) and my HPD. my bf kept reassuring me that he knows what he's doing and we couldn't be at any risk, he's had sex a lot before..

Anyways, I understand the thje risks of me being pregnant are very low and sometimes it feels clear to me that I'm not, but the minute I feel something weird or out of the ordinary I freak out. I became aware of every thing happening in my body.

Lately two days before my period I get at least one big pimple on my face, this didn't happen before (I'm 20, tho I did have a lot of pimples as a teen). And I almost always now get brown spotting a day before my period (this happened a few times before) and brown spotting after my period. I am tired all the time and I am sometimes nauseous in the morning. (But that used to happen a lot before because I had major stress and anxiety disorder and I couldn't eat in the morning, so its a familiar feeling, but I don't think I'm that stressed any more so what is causing these random morning nausea if not pregnancy) one day I found one tiny little tiny teeny pink dot on my underwear but it was around the time I ovulate so I assumed it was normal. Also I've been monitoring my discharge on a daily basis during my menstrual period, it almost seems to be typical to what usually happens, but sometimes its different.

I'm really sorry for taking up from your time when other people probably have more serious problems than mine, and at least they didn't cause them to themselves like I did. But I really need to know, I can't take the freaking out anymore! My family has been noticing that something is wrong with me and that scared me even more.

Did any of what I've mentioned above prove in any way that I could be prgnant?

Oh I also sometimes get a mild pain right where my left ovary is but I blame it sometimes on scoliosis but I'm scared it could be pregnancy related (I've also been diagnosed wiht scoliosis) and it causes me back pain on that side, that's why I linked it.

Any input would be great!! Thank you sooo much for helping me through this!!

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danni.pane
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Oh and I know I'm not really considered a virgin anymore but I meant that I don't think my hymen is broken. Is there any possibility it is??? I never saw blood or felt pain inside suring sexual activity.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Like Onionpie said, you've made pretty clear you're not pregnant through the accurate ways we have of determining pregnancy (not things like zits or being tired).

However, if you still are worried, can we talk about why you couldn't see a healthcare provider to get a test done and verify your lack of pregnancy so you can relax? Too, it sounds like you have some other health issues and symptoms it would be a good idea to have someone evaluate regardless.

Hymens don't usually actually "break" period. Instead that's a tissue that, for most people, very gradually ears away over time, with our without sexual activity. As well, there's not much formal study on this, but what we have, and also know from a lot of anecdotal reports, if that with initial vaginal sex that's wanted and not rough, it's more common NOT to have bleeding than to have it. Same goes with pain.

Fore more, check this: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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danni.pane
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I can't see a physical doctor without my family knowing, I'm in the uk now for a short period but I live in a very conservative and religious country and I'm scared that the doctor will report me or contact my parents if I told her my problem or if I turned out to be pregnant. I am also very scared of actually hearing that I am pregnant.

I do see a psyciatrice for my other health issues and I am on medication but not enough medication because of age, and my friend tells me that that is the reason I freak out so much. But what if the tests gave me false negatives and my period is actually just decidual bleeding?

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Heather
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So, the NHS is not under any obligation to make those kinds of reports (nor would that be of any benefit to anyone). Your privacy would be assured, and if you need to be assured by that, you can call up the clinic closest to you, or stop by, and ask them to outline your privacy rights.

In other words, you can absolutely seek out care without your family being informed that you did. We'd be happy to help you find a clinic.

And since it sounds like this is a cultural issue, you can also always ask if they have someone you can talk to about assuring cultural sensitivity in this regard. Many healthcare providers, especially sexual/reproductive providers, absolutely understand that for members of some religions or cultures, these health issues and care are very loaded.

Medical tests aren't going to give you false negatives. False negatives, when they occur, usually happen with home tests and most often because a test was taken too early or wasn't taken properly. It's May now, so if you had become pregnant in February, any test would detect that, and it would also be unmistakeable on an ultrasound.

[ 05-13-2012, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Also, I just realized you're a legal adult, not a minor, so know that telling family members anything about your health without your permission would actually be a major infraction on the part of a healthcare provider.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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danni.pane
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When I said false negatives I meant in my hpts cause I took them all the afternoon and only one in the morning.

And I cannot see a doctor I really can't I'm way too scared, I need to see lots of physicians for a lot of random pains in my body but I am always too scared of going there only for them to tell me that I'm pregnant. I know I sound extremely unreasonable and I am very aware of how irrational and insane I sound but when I say too scared I mean terrified of it. I'm neglecting all kinds of pains until I know 100% for sure that I am not pregnant and it scares me to think that the only way to know that is by waiting for two more months to pass by and see if I get a baby bump. Right now I have a tummy that grows then gets smaller every few days depending on my diet so I can't really tell at the moment.

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danni.pane
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And where I live, its even frowned upon to even buy a pregnancy test at my age, so imagine actually going to a doctor and asking them for a test... Its horrible!

I was able to talk to my psychiatrist a bit about it cause I know my privacy rights there but I didn't tell her to what extent I went though I did tell her that I'm getting my periods regulary (or what I think is my period) and she told me that my sexual behavior is understandable in my situation and there is no risk of pregnancy, but she doesn't know exactly the kind of sexual activity that happened so I can't take her word for it...

Again, I'm very sorry for taking up your time on something that sounds so silly, it makes me feel bad but then my whole situation makes me feel bad. Horrible not even bad..

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Heather
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Really, any HPT you take at this stage in the game, it doesn't matter what time you take it. If you are getting negatives, it's because you're not pregnant.

No doctor is going to tell you you're pregnant if you're not. You can also tell a healthcare provider in advance that you have anxiety around this so they can be mindful of that.

Here's the other thing: even if you WERE pregnant, I hope you're aware that it would be a really bad idea, for you and a fetus, to just wait and see until a pregnancy is very far along. Terrible for both your health, and in your case, also for your mental health and well-being. So, while again, it seems clear you're not pregnant, your avoidance with this isn't going to serve you either. It's only going to amp up your anxiety more (it's so much easier to be scared of things in the abstract, really), and would be a rotten plan if you ever actually were pregnant. So, I hear that you're worried your anxiety here sounds ridiculous, but I'm personally not concerned with that when someone is thinking like this. I'm much more concerned at the negative impact it can have on physical health and always has on mental health.

[ 05-13-2012, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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danni.pane
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I have visited many websites over the past few months to check for my ussues but only had the courage to post on this website becasuse it was obvious to me that people here and especially the professional ones, really want to offer help and I checked other posts and noticed that the answers given are always helpful and include no judgement whatsoever.

So I felt free and able for the first time ever to be honest about how I really feel and be able to mention the stupid mistakes I've made, my irrational behaviour and thoughts that I nonetheless couldn't get rid of. And also talk about things unrelated to my pregnancvy scare and confess stupid decisions I've been making expecting no judgment from you guys.

I admit that coming here did help, reading my pervious posts made me realize how obvious the answer is, but as I was checking it today I noticed the new edited post and it felt very harsh to read what you added to your previous reply, as well as very unecessary.
I am very well aware of the effect my decisions are having on my health mentally and physically but you have to keep in mind that being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, HPD, BPD, scoliosis, major deprssion and anxiety at the age of 17 and having to deak with it for three years now while also living in an abusive home- can have a major effect on someone and they're mentality and psychicological health. I am not giving myself excuses for the way I neglected my health, but at the same time I was hoping I would have a kinder reaction as I was expecting to not be judged or be spoken to as a worthless stupid person who doesn't even deserve concern from the people who are supposed to be our support when we need it, no matter how lame our problems sound. This is what I thought the website would be, and this was the reason I registered here and posted my problems and confessed my irrational behaviour asking for help.

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Heather
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Hey, danni.

I think you're reading some things into my reply that I know just weren't there. I certainly did not think of you as either worthless or stupid: I was merely trying to express concern -- not a lack of it, concern, as I stated -- for your overall health, which it sounds like has been neglected for a while. I also understand very well, personally and professionally, the impact living in an abusive home can have, as well as the impact of mental illness (though I certainly couldn't have known any of these things were part of your life until you disclosed them just now).

I didn't intend any judgment at all, I assure you, and I'm sorry you thought it was there and felt the way you did.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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