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Author Topic: I need someone to talk me through this
fallenleaf
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Well I had a long conversation with my doctor privately today, and she talked to me a lot about my relationship with my parents and how she really thinks I should come up front with that I had sex and I want to be on birth control. Then my doctor told my dad that I should have my first visit with an OBGYN, not telling him anything about sex, but saying that my periods were out of control, and saying that they may do hormone tests and prescribe birth control.

On the car ride back, my dad basically dismissed everything she said. He's a doctor himself, and he said my mom goes through the same irregular periods and he doesn't want them to prescribe or do tests that "aren't necessary".

I'm actually in tears right now. My dad thinks I'm this perfect angel daughter who has nothing wrong with her. He would probably be horrified if I told him I had sex. By contrast, my doctor, who actually is from the same culture, made sure I know that I obviously shouldn't think I'm terrible for doing that.

I'm so conflicted because while I want to have a good relationship with my parents, I want to stop them from suffocating my entire life. I'm pretty certain that I want to go to my college in the fall and have one of their female OBGYNs prescribe me birth control, and I'm actually going to call and make sure it can happen, and I can buy it without insurance.

Will someone please provide me with some insight on this? I'm so lost, and I feel like my relationship with my parents is at stake here. I don't know what to do.

My doctor also told me I should have a conversation with my mom. and my dad called her in the car because he also agrees that I really should talk to her about these sorts of things. She got very defensive, thinking my doctor was calling her a bad parent or something, asserting that she's "always" been there for me, etc, etc. But the reality is, I can't talk to her about anything. She just doesn't listen or understand.

Basically what I need to know is this-- does anyone have any advice or see anything else I could do besides just going ahead behind my parents' back and getting birth control myself?

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Robin Lee
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I am so sorry to hear things were so tempestuous today and that your Dad, however well-intentioned, is making decisions about your health that don't feel right to you.

I have a thought for you, but I want to make sure you know that it is in no way intended to question or undermine the close relationship you have with your parents. I'm wondering though if this is a question of you going behind your parents' backs, or a question of you making an independent decision about your body. You're going to college soon, which already means that you'll be in a position to make more decisions for yourself.

Your parents, being your parents, and also your Dad being a doctor and having the experience and training he does, want to take care of all your needs. You, growing as you are into young adulthood, are in more of a position than you've ever been before to know what your own body needs specifically, and, in general, what you want and need.

How does it feel seeing me say this? Am I missing the mark entirely? [Smile]

In terms of managing your relationship with your parents right now, what would you like to do? Would you like to be able to talk things over with your Mom? or your Dad? Be able to just maintain the status quo until you have access to your own health care?

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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I understand what you're saying. I told my mom we had sex, and she's still processing it. I'm actually already in college, just finished my second year. I could easily get birth control at my college, but I feel like I don't want to because I don't want sexual activity that goes that far to be a part of my life right now. I talked to my boyfriend, and he reaffirmed that sex isn't important to him. I told my mother this. It was my decision and my own curiosity to have sex that night, and I told my mom that too. I've thought a lot, and I plan to abstain from vaginal intercourse until I can actually support a child. This seems to be most resonant with me.

The trouble is, I made this decision over winter break too. I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself, but I just don't know what got into me that night we had sex. I guess I was just so sick of thinking it was bad or shameful or that I was too young, and I just wanted to do it to stop debating in my head. It was neurotic how safe we were trying to be. We obviously used condoms, and my boyfriend withdrew before he came. He never actually had an orgasm because he was so nervous for me. And then I took Plan B within 24 hours. The fact that I was so scared, and he was so scared for me, just tells me that we're not ready.

First, another sex ed clarification: After I took Plan b on Thursday, I think it was a few days later that I got my period. I'm worried, though, since I had taken Plan B three times in one week, that it was withdrawal bleeding, or even implantation bleeding?! I noticed there were clumps of tissue though. Does this mean it was a period? It lasted about a day longer than my usual periods, I think it was six instead of five days.

I was also wondering that since I took it three times that week, and earlier in the year, does that mean it is less effective for that third time when I took it when we actually had sex?

Our relationship moved so quickly. We had met, but starting hanging out in the beginning of the year, when we were living two doors down from each other. it was basically as if two people who had never been in a relationship before were suddenly almost moved in together, especially since we spent so much time with each other and in each other's rooms. We're living more apart next year, and plan to sort of "start over" with our relationship since there were so many communication issues, as we were both so new to relationships, and I can speak for myself by saying I was not emotionally ready for a lot of its components. Is this feasible, and how do I proceed with this? What kind of ground rules do I have to think about?

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fallenleaf
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Also, everyone has been so helpful educating me here essentially on what and what not to worry about-- I'd like to give the first couple questions in my last post a priority because i just want to know that I shouldn't be worried about being pregnant and move on with my life, and thinking about this relationship for the future... thanks!!
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Robin Lee
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Hi Anna284,

It sounds as if you've made a pretty solid commitment around what sexual activity you're comfortable with, but you're concerned about whether you will be able to maintain this decision. You're always allowed to change your mind; things you decide now aren't binding. [Smile] It seems as if you've really thought this through, though, and found a lot of peace with it, so I'm wondering what you think it will take to help you continue to do what feels right and comfortable for you?

The bleeding you had certainly sounds like a period, and there's no reason to think that it wasn't. The fact that it was slightly different from the periods you usually have isn't concerning. Periods, on their own, can change from time to time, not to mention that taking Plan B as frequently as you did probably did throw things off somewhat.

You're wondering if it's going to be feasible to start your relationship off on a new foot. You and your boyfriend can definitely make decisions and commitments to each other. That won't erase what went before, and that's okay. You might find some of these articles helpful in talking with your boyfriend and building a relationship that works for both of you.

Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup?

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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The second article especially, I wish I read earlier in the year. I'll definitely share some of its ideas. Especially learning to sort out between anxious because of being excited and anxious because it might not be right. Thank you, these are so helpful!

Okay-- so is it safe to say that if the bleeding has the clumps of tissue (which I'm assuming are from uterine lining) it can't be withdrawal bleeding or implantation bleeding?

And my plan B question-- was it less effective the time I took it after vaginal intercourse since I had taken it twice earlier that week?

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September
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Implantation bleeding is very light spotting that very rarely occurs when a fertilized egg implants in the uterine lining. So, no, it doesn't sound like that is what you are experiencing.

And withdrawal bleeding is what we call the bleeding that someone has who is taking hormonal birth control. Hormonal birth control creates an artificial cycle, and someone who is on the pill or the ring or another form of birth control will experience a withdrawal bleed on the fourth week of their cycle, which looks and acts like a period. So technically it is another name for a period, but since you are not on any form of hormonal birth control, this does not fully apply to you.

You had bleeding that looked like a period and lasted about as long as your periods usually do, so you can assume that that's what it was. If you are still unsure, however, you can also go ahead and take a pregnancy test.

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Johanna
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fallenleaf
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Okay, but what about my Plan B effectiveness?
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Robin Lee
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There is no evidence that Plan B is less effective when taken multiple times per week, though of course it's not really intended for that kind of usage.

Know too that Plan B works by preventing ovulation, so the previous doses you had taken were doing something in your body. The pill doesn't know whether there's been an actual risk or not; it just goes about doing it's job.

I think it's time to lay this worry to rest. What do you think?

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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I really would like to set this worry to rest, but I'm still really scared. If Plan B is supposed to delay ovulation, and I took it three times that week, why would I get my period a few days after? Wouldn't delaying ovulation delay my period as well?

I keep thinking I have back pain and am passing gas, both of which I think I have reason to believe I am pregnant... is there any reason not to trust the pregnancy test I took?

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Robin Lee
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There is no reason to distrust the pregnancy test, though certainly if it would make you feel better you can take another one. Plan B affects our hormones in all sorts of ways, and you getting a period is a pretty sure sign that you are not, in fact, pregnant.

Back pain and passing gas can be symptoms of so many things; it's really not sound to attribute these symptoms to pregnancy. While they are things that many pregnat women experience, they are far from the first signs that a woman is pregnant.

How about we come up with a plan to help put these fears at rest? Would you like to take another home pregnancy test or go to a doctor or clinic to discuss your concerns and get tested t thereWhat else do you think would help?

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Robin

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Heather
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Also, just to be clear, Plan B, like other oral contraceptives can work in three different ways (and may work in all three, only two, or only one, but even one of these ways can prevent pregnancy). It may suppress ovulation, it may make it tougher for sperm to get into the cervix, and it may thin the uterine lining to make implantation not happen.

Also, not all vaginal bleeding is a period, and after taking Plan B three times in a week, I think all bets are going to be off for a while as to what is your period and what may be bleeding due to a side effect of the Plan B.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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fallenleaf
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Heather, but I thought the tissue clots in my blood meant that it was a period, because that was my uterine lining being shed?
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fallenleaf
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Also, what if the Plan B pill I took after having sex was expired? I never checked the box! I'm so scared!!!!!
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fallenleaf
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I know everyone will tell me to take a pregnancy test but I took one a week ago, and it was negative... but what if that was too soon, even though it was 3.5 weeks after my risk? and what if my urine was diluted?

I'm so confused!

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Robin Lee
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What we call a period, is the bleeding that results from a menstrual cycle not controlled by any kind of hormonal birth control. So yes, it was your uterine lining that was shed, but since your cycle is out of wack right now it's hard to know if it was your period, or your body responding to all that Plan B.

Are you waiting for a period right now? As Heather said, having taking that much Plan B in such a short space of time, your cycles are likely to be off for a while.

There's no reason to think that your Plan B was expired, unless you've been keeping it for years and years.

Also, diluted urine really isn't something to worry about unless you drink gallons of water before you take the pregnancy test.

I understand that you're scared and confused, but the only way to push through that is to get answers. WE have told you here that your risk is minimal based on the steps you took. You took a pregnancy test 3.5 weeks after the risk in question which is definitely enough time to trust the result (14 or more days after a risk will yield an accurate result).

So, again, let's come up with a plan to put these fears at rest. You have a lot of other things to figure out for yourself, and I think staying in this fear of pregnancy is holding you back a lot.

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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We can come up with a plan-- I just have one more question about what you just said. Does the shedding of my uterine lining mean that I couldn't be pregnant, because implantation would have been impossible?
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fallenleaf
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I ask because I have no idea if I'm supposed to be waiting for a period or not then. I considered that bleeding my period since it lasted a little longer than a normal period. Didn't someone earlier in the thread say I have no reason to think it's not a period?
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Robin Lee
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Nothing is impossible, but it's pretty darn unlikely.

Now, how to get you the answers you need so you can put this to rest?

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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Well, I should be getting answers because I'm going with my dad to see an OBGYN tomorrow [Smile] I talked to him and he agreed it is important. That should give me some answers.

Also, I got my period today, and for sure it is a period as opposed to bleeding from Plan B-- I didn't use it since I had that "period" after having sex. So I shouldn't need to take another test to see if I'm pregnant, right?

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Robin Lee
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Nope, you shouldn't need to. Sounds like you're good to go.

One thing that often helps when going to see the doctor is to write down a list of all your questions and concerns. That way you can make sure everything gets addressed. [Smile]

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Robin

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fallenleaf
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There is so much misinformed information out there-- so it is absolutely impossible to have a period while pregnant? I read somewhere it was.

Great idea. Will do!

I was wondering if I could also get any opinions in regards to my difficulty talking openly about feelings in my relationship, and fears of being judged. Should I start a new thread?

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Robin Lee
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Some women do experience bleeding while pregnant. However, you've had a negative pregnancy test, so we already know you're not pregnant. Your period is confirmation.

It's up to you whether you'd like to start a new thread...also if you'd want to start it in another forum so you can get feedback from other Scarleteen users as well as the volunteers and staff.

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Robin

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