I know you get these sorts of threads all the time, and believe me, I have been reading and researching LOTS.
On the 13th of April at around 830pm, my girlfriend and I got pretty heated up in the moment and did some stuff we now regret because of the fear we have! It was good fun at the time, but looking back on it, we are so worried she may become pregnant because of it! Neither her or I used any contraception prior to this point as we did not, and still do not, intend on having sex before marriage. - We are both still virgins.
We did a lot of clothes on grinding, at one point I noticed my penis was sticking out of my underpant's waistband. This only happened while she was on top of me, grinding. She wore a pair of jeans and some underpants (they seemed to feel pretty thick compared to what I wear as a guy) I was wearing underwear and reasonably thick shorts.
Later on, we began touching each other down there - on top of our underwear though. At no point was there direct hand-genital contact by either of us.
Our fear is that she or I touched my underwear, picking up some of the precum and then when I/her touched her panties, the precum transferred and she could get pregnant.
Immediately after realising the risk, we stopped, she cleaned herself down there and took off her underwear. We called a local healthline and they said the risk was extremely low.
The next morning we were still very worried so she went to a family planning clinic and took an emergency contraception pill at around 12noon - so about 16 hours after the contact - I *think* it was the proestrogen only one. The consultant again said the risk was extremely low and ordinarily she would not give out the emergency pill but in this case did to give my girlfriend and I peace of mind.
She is currently on what she believes to be day 32 since the START of her LAST period, meaning when we had our contact, she was on day 27/28. She has said to me she sometimes has an irregular period. As of now, she doesn't think she has any signs her period is coming.
Neither of us reached orgasm as we stopped when we realised the risk. I did notice precum on my underwear, especially near the top of the waistband, although compared to previous hookups, there did not appear to be as much as there has been.
We are still very worried about the chance, so, what is the chance and should we be concerned?
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
WElcome To Scarleteen!
There is no risk from the sexual activities you described.
Your girlfriend can expect that her cycles could be a little unusual for a couple of months after taking emergency contraception. This is nothing to worry about.
I've read those two articles and many others on this and other websites dozens of times.
I (as well as my girlfriend) just can't get the worry out of us! Do you have any suggestions on how we can stop freaking out?
Why exactly would what I describe not present a pregnancy risk?
The way I have thought about it is that every single circumstance (ie: no direct contact, no ejaculation, clothes on etc.) has reduced the chance, but that there is still a chance. Our concern is we are going to be that 0.001%...
Any ideas when her period will come?
By the way, this is a fantastic website and I can't thank you enough for all the help it has given me and countless others. You guys deserve a thank you a lot more often Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
As you have said yourself, there was no direct contact. In order for pregnancy to occur there needs to be either:
1) Direct contact between bare vulva and bare penis (which can include rubbing, vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse). 2) Direct contact between fresh semen and a vulva.
Fresh ejaculate means that it's come right out of the penis onto the vulva. . On a theoretical level, pregnancy could potentially occur as a result of putting a handful of fresh ejaculate into the vagina; one would know one was doing that--couldn't happen by accident!
The way I like to think about contact with ejaculate and pre-ejaculate is that if it makes any stops between penis and vulva, such as on a hand, or on a piece of clothing, or in bath water, etc--the sperm in the semen is no longer viable. Sperm need a very specific environment in which to remain viable.
I'm not sure if you've read this article. Though it's about handwashing it actually has a really good description of how semen and sperm work.
This sexual activity you describe really doesn't lead to pregnancy. Plus, your girlfriend took emergency contraception. While there are always theoretical chances in either one of these situations, I'd say that the two of them together basically cancel those chances out.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4609 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
posted
I am feeling a lot better already from reading your posts. I guess more than anything it is a waiting game now...
Do you have any idea as to when her period will happen? She is on ~day 32 as of today. I remember reading in the leaflet the emergency pill could cause a delayed period. How common is that?
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
It is very common for emergency contraception to alter the cycles for a while. There's really no way of predicting when her period will arrive.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4609 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
posted
And how many days long are her cycles normally? You've said she said they were irregular: have they gone this long before?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63668 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I guess...It's just all the questions, all the doubt, all the "what ifs" going through my head that is freaking me out.
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Does it make sense to you that what you and your girlfriend engaged in really can't be considered a pregnancy risk, and that on top of that her having taken EC pretty much cancels out any itty bitty chance there might otherwise have been?
A lot of times when someone is worried about pregnancy and have a hard time not worrying, it's because they're worried about something else, like feeling bad for having engaged in the sexual activity in the first place, or other relationship concerns.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4609 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
posted
It does make sense and I know I am just over thinking it, a lot, but until she has her period there is just that feeling that I am having. It is really hard to explain...It feels like I'm sick in my stomach at the thought she could get pregnant from this.
Don't get me wrong, it was consensual and we both enjoyed it at the time, we both regret it for what it has caused us to go through now. We have only become more close as a couple from this experience, we just want it to end so we can move on!
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
Alrighty, I spoke to my girlfriend earlier about her periods.
When I asked her how long her cycles normally are she said 4 on 27 off. I asked her how consistent that cycle is and she said not very.
She also said that yes, they have gone this late before. She seems to remember her longest being 82 days.
I keep going over the numbers and freaking out. If her last period started on the 16th of March - that means it is currently (as of 830pm, 18 April) 34 days since the start of her last period.
Now being a guy, I'm not entirely familiar with how all of that down there works, so from your opinion, do you think we are still in a safe zone and shouldn't be worried about her period having not arrived yet?
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
There's no risk in what you've described at all. That means pregnancy isn't something that's going to happen.
So, if her period is missed or takes a long time, it means there will be other reasons behind it, or just your partner's body being unique, as all bodies are.
Here's some more info on that (remember that pregnancy isn't an issue for you):
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. - Elie Wiesel Posts: 1231 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged |
I was talking to her today and she said she has had big cramps all day and that she feels like it is coming but she wasn't sure.
Do women really feel it coming? Or is it just spontaneous?
Fingers crossed, the end is near!
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
There's no one way that women experience their menstrual cycles. If your girlfriend says she feels like her period is imminent, just take her word for it. She knows her own body.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4609 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
posted
Again, I hate to keep posting, but it is coming up to 2 weeks since our contact and there is still nothing.
Are we getting to the stage where we should consider a pregnancy test?
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2012
| IP: Logged |
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
As we talked about above, the sexual activities you engaged in did not pose pregnancy risks, as both of you were wearing clothes.
However, if a pregnancy test would make the two of you feel more at ease, there's no harm in taking one. Mind, since your girlfriend is the one who's actually taking it, it's ultimately up to her whether she wants to.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4609 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic