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Author Topic: Help please!!
pocket_mouse_531
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I know I've asked questions like this before, but I just needed some clarification. When I went to take a shower this morning, I noticed that my nipples looked slightly darker than they usually are. They tend to be a pale pink-ish color, but today they looked more of a pinky-brown color. About two weeks ago (possibly more) my boyfriend and I were fooling around and I gave him manual sex for the first time (on him). I stopped briefly to kiss him and when I did, he was holding his penis upright, but he did not ejaculate. Soon afterwards he turned his attention to me and I don't remember whether or not he touched my vagina directly or not, though I suspect that he did. The most that might have been on his fingers was pre-ejaculate, and he didn't penetrate me with any of his fingers, just touched my clitoris and inner labia. I've read that sperm and semen require direct contact with the vagina in order to make a girl pregnant. Does possibly being touched with pre-ejaculate from someone's hand constitute "direct contact"? Also, I'm confused about what semen exactly is. Is pre-ejaculate a part of semen, or are the two fluids different things altogether?
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Saffron Raymie
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Any changes in your breasts or nipples cannot be a pregnancy symptom as it is much too early to have any symptoms.

Manual sex (sex with hands) does not create a pregnancy risk. This is because sperm cells are much too delicate to be transfered by hand. Direct contact simply means and vulva and a penis must touch each other, or a penis must ejaculate straight onto a vulva to create a pregnancy risk. Ejaculating straight onto a vulva is very different from ejaculate being on a penis then on a hand then on a vulva, as being on a hand (or anything else that isn't a penis or a vulva) changes the conditions of the semen so the sperm cells can't move anywhere. Does that make sense?

Semen and pre-ejaculate are different things altogether; semen is the white ejaculate containg all the sperm cells; whereas pre-ejaculate is how the penis "prepares" itself for an ejaculation that could create a pregnancy. That fluid is how the urethra clears itself of urine, whose acidity could make sperm less potent.

Pre-ejaculate may contain a much lower amount of sperm cells - if any at all. The only reason pre-ejaculate can contain sperm cells is that they can get left in the penis (in the urethra) from the last ejculation. This means that all vulva-to-penis touching may always present a risk.

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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pocket_mouse_531
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Okay does that also mean that sperm can't go through clothing too? Like if he were to hug me from behind but we were both wearing underwear, there wouldn't be a risk, right?
And also, if he wiped any pre-ejaculate off of his hands, there would be no risk, right?
Thank you so much!

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Robin Lee
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Right on all counts. In order for there to be a pregnancy risk, there must be contact between bare genitals or between ejaculate and a bare vulva. You're not describing either of those situations, so, no risk.

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Robin

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pocket_mouse_531
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Okay thank you!!
I also have another question. My boyfriend fingered me for the first time today. It felt really good, although occasionally I had some moments of slight discomfort, though not too serious.
Anyways, I went to the bathroom later this evening and there was this light reddish-brown discharge on my underwear. My period was meant to come this week, but this does not look like my normal period because the discharge wasn't heavy blood or anything like that. Is this discharge possibly still my period? Or does it have something to do with the fact that I was fingered for the first time today? And is this a sign of pregnancy at all?
Thank you for your time!

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pocket_mouse_531
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I'm sorry for posting again, but please, I need an answer to the above question!! The discharge that's coming out of me is definitely just red now, but I can't tell if it's my period or something else. Please help!
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September
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It is possible that your partner scratched you a little, and the spotting is coming from an abrasion. To prevent that in the future, you will want to make sure that he keeps his fingernails short and neat. Using lots of lube also helps.

Of course, this may also be an early start to your period. If the bleeding becomes stronger and continues for the next few days, you'll know that's what it is. [Smile]

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Johanna
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Robin Lee
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If your period was due this week, then it's most likely your period.

In answer to your question about fingering: there can be bleeding with fingering whether it's someone's first or five hundredth time being fingered. Vaginal tissues are delicate and a small amount of bleeding can occur if there is irritation due to dryness, or even a small scratch from a fingernail.

What you're describing describing sounds like a period and there's no reason from what you've described to think it might be anything else.

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Robin

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pocket_mouse_531
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Thank you so much for all of your advice! But I still have one question. Is this still a period if it's shorter than normal? This strange brownish-red discharge started on Tuesday night, got much heavier on Wednesday and Thursday, and was fairly lighter today. My periods are usually heavier for an extra day, so is this really a period?
Also, just a hypothetical question here. I have read that sperm can live up to 5 days inside the vagina. So suppose you had unprotected sex and, the next day, you got your period. I know that technically a period means you aren't pregnant, but potentially, could you get pregnant if the sperm survived the length of your period?

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey pocket mouse!

I think it is often about 13 days between the start of menstruation (one egg leaving the building) and the start of ovulation (the next egg appearing) Unless someone ovulates in 5 days and some sperm survives the crimson tide (that's what my friend calls her periods)... I'd say it's super unlikely. But as with everything, no matter what, there's always the possibility that an event is a complete fluke and the person gets pregnant anyway.

I think part of being ready for sex is being willing to understand, minimise and then accept the risks that are part of being sexually active.

So theoretically there's one answer that it's almost impossible... but practically however for real-life-people pregnancy risks aren't just about bodies and a series of probabilities to deal with but also about having control and of their bodies, agency in their lives and a fair role in their relationships etc... So I might recommend that person try a pregnancy test anyway, it makes sure they're not pregnant which for a lot of people is a pretty helpful thing to become easily more certain of, and also a useful way to be informed and connected with their own body. But as it's still hypothetical we can't just apply that to real life people directly, it's pretty important to take each person and their concerns as completely unique.

So there's more than one side to it, but I think that's how I see it. I hope that helps.

[ 04-14-2012, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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pocket_mouse_531
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Thank you so much for all of your help!
I'm so sorry that I keep asking questions, but I have another one, related to the fingering incident I mentioned earlier. My period started to wane about three days ago. However, the little blood that's coming out of me is still red, not brown like it usually is. Is this bleeding still because of a possible abrasion from finering? Or is it just my period?
Thank you!!

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Karybu
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A small abrasion from manual sex would not be likely to cause bleeding for more than a few hours. It's much more likely that what you're seeing is the end of your period - and just like any other aspect of periods, the colour of blood you see at any point can vary. Sometimes it's a bit more brownish, other times it can still be red. Nothing to be concerned about. [Smile]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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pocket_mouse_531
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So if I had sustained bleeding over a period for few days, that can only be my period?
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Karybu
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Sometimes, for various reasons, vaginal bleeding can happen that isn't a period. But, as a general rule, if it looks like a period, feels like a period, and shows up about when you'd expect a period, that's exactly what it is.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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pocket_mouse_531
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So what are some of the other reasons that vaginal bleeding can happen if it's not a period? I just want to make sure that none of those reasons have anything to do with my current condition.
Thank you all so much for your time!

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Robin Lee
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ARe you still experiencing vaginal bleeding? Can you tell us why you're uncertain of whether the bleeding you had was your period or not?

It's a little easier to start with what's actually going on with you than with hypothetical situations. [Smile]

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Robin

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pocket_mouse_531
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Hi Robin! No, the vaginal bleeding ended a while ago. It started around the 10th or 11th of April (I was expecting my period the week of the 9th to the 16th--my period can be irregular) and lasted for about five days. The reason I'm uncertain about whether the bleeding I had was my period or not is mainly because of this fingering incident that occurred literally the day before I got what I believe to be my period. I guess I just feel like the timing was a little too coincidental,you know? Am I worrying too much?
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pocket_mouse_531
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I'm sorry, I know I've asked a lot of questions, I'm just really nervous. Can anyone tell me if the timing that I mentioned above was too coincidental, or if I'm just overreacting?
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Robin Lee
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sounds like it was coincidence. Sometimes that really does happen. [Smile]

Your period arrived around the time you were expecting it, and it just happened to start after you had some bleeding from some too-rough fingering. Irritation and even a little bleeding from fingering is fairly common; using lubricant and communicating with your partner can substantially reduce the risk of this happening.

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Robin

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pocket_mouse_531
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Thank you so much! Also, hypothetical question: is it really likely that I would become pregnant if my boyfriend had fingered me with pre-ejaculate on his hands? He has never penetrated me with anything but clean hands, but he has touched my vulva before and in some of those cases, I do not know for sure whether or not there was pre-ejaculate on his fingers.
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