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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Sick to My Stomach.

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Author Topic: Sick to My Stomach.
jbraid.
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My boyfriend and I have been on and off for two years. We had sex frequently. When we first fell in love, we had unprotected sex twice. (His first girlfriend was a virgin -as was he- and clean, so I know I did not receive anything from her end; and that was before I was on birth control and I would assume if any semen go inside of me, I would've had a child by now). Then we started breaking up and during our off periods, he's had three different partners. All protected sex.

Recently, we sort of, 'rediscovered' each other and we had sex three times. All protected by spermicidal condoms.

It may just be my guilt over having given in to him for the millionth time and taken him back (we're no longer seeing each other because it was too much emotional stress for me), but I suddenly have this irrational fear that I have HIV because of his multiple partners. I am a SEVERE hypochondriac. It's unhealthy and I literally make myself physically ill with worry.

I just need to know if I am at risk. When we had sex, he pulled out before he came, holding the base of the condom. There was no breakage in the condom that I saw or felt or that he saw or felt before or after sexual intercourse. After sex, I went to the bathroom and washed my hands, washed my vagina off with a washcloth and urinated. He too cleansed himself.

We also showered together and he masturbated while looking at me, but did not ejaculate near me. And I got out as soon as he got off.

I just need some peace of mind. This encounter was almost 4 weeks ago. I'm all paranoid and I think that every single pain that I have in my body scares me and makes me feel so afraid. I should probably see somebody for the level of anxiety I have, but I don't.

Please help me, thank you so much.

One more thing*** Since his trysts with other partners, I've ALWAYS made him wear condoms. Every. Single. Time.

[ 08-24-2010, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: Louisey ]

Posts: 25 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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Condoms are highly effective at reducing STI transmission, but they aren't 100% and anytime we engage in sexual activity that presents a risk for STIs, we do still have some risk. If you want to know your status, you'll have to get tested. Do you need some help finding a place to get tested? Also, I hear you on feeling so anxious, but might that be more about the quality of the relationship and how you felt he treated you? Do you want to talk about that?

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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jbraid.
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I've read on a lot of medical websites that protected vaginal sex is nothing to fret over, especially if no semen (or pre-cum) has come in contact with me. I also know that my ex wouldn't put me in danger, or himself by having sex with somebody who definitely had an STI.

So would you say my chances of transmission were low like all of those other websites have said (more specifically, doctors answering questions, etc).

I really do think it's the guilt and stress of being with him again. It was overwhelming. All of the feelings rushed back so quickly and he told me he loved me still. And it's very heavy, especially for me. We had a long story and he put me through a lot of hurt and pain. I'm not angry about it, because I've learned from it. But I know I'm ashamed that I gave in to him sexually and emotionally like I did.

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Stephanie_1
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As Orca said, risk would be low but it's certainly not non-existent. And you do want to make sure to be tested every six months, so it's likely best to just go ahead and be tested just to be safe. Too? There's no way of knowing positively a partner has an STI, whether we want to think they don't doesn't really make it that way.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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jbraid.
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I'm really freaking myself out here. I'm constantly googling things. I mean, I know I am just making matters worse by constantly thinking about it. And he used protection with his other partners. I'm just so scared. Everyone keeps telling me I'm fine (including a friend of mine who has had many sexual partners, but I know everyone and every situation is different). And I went to the doctor (not my gyno) today for a physical and he said I am very healthy. But I know that's kind of irrelevant...
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Stephanie_1
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The best thing you can do for yourself is to try and relax. You're not helping yourself by worrying so much. Try doing things for yourself - that you like doing and may help you keep calm. After a month's passed, you can get tested. And we're here for you - and so many people here have been where you are. Just make sure you tell the doctor you want a FULL STI test.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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jbraid.
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Full STI tests are expensive, aren't they? I can't stop freaking out. I think every little mark on my body means something terrible. And I feel so guilty about sleeping with my ex.
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September
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If you're worried about cost, you can look for clinics in your area, such as Planned Parenthood. Those will often offer services on a sliding scale, so you only pay as much as you can afford.

It sounds to me like your feelings of guilt over what happened are feeding into your anxiety. Do you want to talk about why you feel so guilty for sleeping with him?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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jbraid.
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I have reservations about sex and he just brings out so many different sides of me. Our sexual chemistry is undeniable, but he could never love me. He always had commitment issues (hence, breaking up with me, sleeping with someone else a few weeks later, then getting back together with me a few weeks after that). He was my first love, so it's kind of hard to let go. But I wasn't his first love, so I suppose, to him, I matter less than he matters to me.
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September
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Well, we don't have a finite amount of love to give, so whether you were the first or the second of the tenth person he loved, that should not have anything to do with the depth of his feelings for you.

But it definitely sounds like you two weren't very compatible, and that it's a good thing you to have ended this relationship.

And it's understandable that you're not feeling too great about having sex with him, if you get the impression that it means different things to the two of you. That's rough, and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

You've taken the first step by deciding that continuing to see him isn't good for you. That was a very smart decision to make, and I hope you're proud of yourself for that. It means that you can recognize what is and isn't healthy for you, and that you can act on that and assert your boundaries.

So why don't you focus on this really good decision that you've made, rather than focusing on the fact that you had sex with him? You can't unmake that decision, but you HAVE done some really smart, empowering things for yourself since.

Maybe changing your perspective on that a little, and giving yourself a little more credit, will help you feel less guilty?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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jbraid.
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We weren't very compatible at all. I mean, we had things in common but who fought quite a lot. And over the silliest of things! We were always picking on each other.

I guess I feel so guilty because in very early May, I had left him and I really started to blossom into the person I wanted to be. I had an optimistic outlook and I felt great. And then all of the sudden he found his way back into my life, two months later.

However, since I decided to stop seeing him, I started seeing somebody else. It was completely unexpected, but this new person is different, much different, than my ex. And I think that this is what I really need, just to move on and see where this new relationship takes me. He's really good at keeping my mind off of all of the bad, as are my friends and family.

And comparing how I feel with him (my ex) and how I feel without him is such a polar opposite difference. And I know that moving on is what I really need to do.

[ 08-26-2010, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: Louisey ]

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Stephanie_1
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Sounds like you've got something really great going now, so why not focus on that. When the time comes, as Joey said you can find a center in your area that'll not be too expensive. And we can help with that if you'd like too.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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