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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » I'm tired of googling and listening to my friends... PLEASE help.

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Author Topic: I'm tired of googling and listening to my friends... PLEASE help.
krystal29
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I have read a lot of posts but nothing seems to QUITE help my scenario... Okay so I suffer from a bit of anxiety, and for some reason this has manifested itself into an EXTREME fear of pregnancy. I google everything (I know... stupid!) and I hear SO much conflicting information. I'm 20 years old and I consider myself to be rather educated about sex, but I think this sometimes works AGAINST me (i.e. I am not naive enough to think that pregnancy CAN'T happen to me.)

Here's the clincher... I've never actually had sexual intercourse. His penis has never been anywhere near me and we avoid ALL direct genital conflict.

Here are the two scenarios that I play over and over in my mind:

1. My boyfriend fingers me, mostly rubbing my clit, occasionally inserting a finger inside of me. Most of the times he washes his hands, sometimes he doesn't (I do know he should even for the sake of preventing germs.) He has NEVER had ejaculate on his hands, or precum that either of us has noticed. However, he often will stick a tissue down his pants to soak up any pre-cum so that it doesn't ruin his boxers. He says he doesn't actually touch his penis while doing this... but I keep thinking he brushed the tip of his penis without thinking, got some precum on his hands that he didn't notice, fingered me, and got me pregnant!

2. My other scenario is dry humping. Typically we do this through clothes, but once I had on a thin thong. He had on boxers and corduroy pants. He was humping me for about a minute before I noticed two small wet spots on his pants. I immediately took off the thong and ran to the bathroom... I inspected it and didn't see any spots but I had been quite wet so it's hard to tell. I'm terrified I could become pregnant from this.

So many things seem to be saying that it IS very possible to get pregnant from manual sex... but I feel like SO many girls would be pregnant if this is the case! What is the actual risk?? And what about the wet spots from drying humping? I once talked to a doctor about getting pregnant from manual sex and she practically laughed in my face. She said, "did he insert his penis into your vagina?" I replied no. She said, "then how could you possibly think you are pregnant??"

I know this sounds crazy, and trust me I FEEL crazy but my anxiety is getting the utter best of me. I am CONVINCED that I am pregnant. It is so upsetting and I cry about it to my boyfriend sometimes. I am very in love with my boyfriend, and he with me, and I feel that I can't even enjoy being intimate. I'd love to have sex, but if I get this freaked out from foreplay... I would probably go insane with worry if I have sex.

I'm 20 years old and I'm afraid I will just NEVER be able to have sex without this intense fear, even being so in love and comfortable with my boyfriend. He is a 20 year old virgin as well and although he WANTS to have sex, he is completely supportive and does NOT pressure me whatsoever. I know that although I feel ready to have sex, I can't possibly ACTUALLY be ready if I feel this way.

I have even put a temporary hault on ALL sexual activity whatsoever until I can get a handle on this fear, because it is making my life suck. He is not thrilled but completely understands and says he will refrain for as long as I want.

The last bit of the question-- is there ANY reason to go on birth control for the above activities? I know I will go on birth control months before we actually have sex (seriously--there is no chance of it happening spur of the moment, I do not work that way), but what about manual sex and dry humping?

Ao to sum up: 1. What are my chances of being pregnant, or getting pregnant in the future from manual sex/dry humping. 2. How can I breathe and have a healthy sexual relationship?

Sorry for the long post... I feel better already getting this off my chest. Thanks for any help!

Posts: 10 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
krystal29
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I'll note that I HAVE ready the pregnancy assesment risk several times but I still feel unsure about these exact cases?! Sorry if this is an annoying question :/ But I'm freaked.
Posts: 10 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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First off, I don't see a risk from either one of the scenarios you've described. Sperm are not going to make it through two layers of clothing, and in order for manual sex to present a risk of pregnancy, a partner's hands need to be pretty much dripping with fresh ejaculate.

In terms of your anxiety over this, have you ever had any counselling for anxiety? It might be helpful to have someone in person to work through this with you. You may also find it helps to use some method of birth control, even though the kinds of sex you're having don't generally present a risk.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
krystal29
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Member # 32068

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Thank you so much for your reply.

I have not had any counseling, but I think that I will seek some professional help in the future.

One last clarification-- so the wet spots through his pants was the semen, but likely no sperm was present in this semen?

Posts: 10 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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It's not so much that sperm wouldn't be present, but that sperm need the fluid that they're in to move and can't swim through fabric. Does that make more sense?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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krystal29
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Member # 32068

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Sorry I'm not trying to be difficult, and I totally believe you, but I just want to make sure I ACTUALLY understand.

I understand that the sperm can't swim through fabric... but since we did see two small wet spots on the outerside of his pants (through his boxers and pants), doesn't that mean sperm could have traveled with the semen?

You have totally eased my mind... just trying to get a full understanding.

Posts: 10 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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