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Author Topic: My boyfriend beat me Friday night ...
BarefootGirl
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I'm so embarrassed and sad to admit that on Friday night, my boyfriend, of two years and seven months, beat me. Like ... bad. I have a black eye, my nose feels out of place and it swollen beyond, teethmarks in my shoulder, bruises all up and down my arms and legs and there's a huge bruise on my hip.

He was drinking (not even a lot which is what is scarier) and I said something to him and he said "punch me" so I did because I was upset and he threw me into the wall and then sh!t went down.

The cops were called. They came and took his number and whatever and I said we'd gotten into a fight but it was fine. I covered for him for whatever reason ...

Anyway, that was around 2am and then from 2-6am I had to talk him out of killing himself about 8 times. He was and still kind of is unstable. The only reason I stayed was because he was really going to do it. I think he's depressed. He needs help. His sister spent 7 hours with us on Saturday and sorted things out. She informed me (not in front of him) that their father had been abusive with them as children and she figures that's where it came from. She said she's not making excuses for him though.

His family knows but mine does not. His father told him if he ever misbehaved again in any way that he would pull him out of university and he'd have to find his own way through life.

His siblings are livid with him. Only 2 of my friends know and it's not even my closest friends ... it was just people who were there.

Honestly, I know I'm crazy for staying. I only did because I didn't want to be the cause of his death. I'm worried sick now that I'm back home that he's going to do something stupid. He said he's "fine" but I know he's not. He's apologized 500x and knows I'm not going to forgive him. Sigh. I don't know what to do.

I'm scared of the person I love most. Isn't that pathetic?

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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There's nothing pathetic about you. I promise. And you have every reason to be scared: this person did you very serious harm and probably will again.

Before I say anything else, I am very glad that you are okay. I am also glad the police were involved, and I'm glad you came here to talk.

I am, however, very concerned that you are staying with this person. Please understand that it is TEXTBOOK for abusive people to say they are going to hurt themselves. The thing is, nearly all the time, they never do. Instead, they hurt everyone else: it is usually a manipulation to get the people they are hurting to stay. It is about asserting control, not about them earnestly being a harm to themselves. It also is a smooth way for them to get you to focus on them, rather than on you, and their needing to take responsibility for doing you harm.

Know what else? IF you were truly with someone who was suicidal or who was going to seriously harm themselves, what they would need is real care of a qualified mental health professional, not you. If this was a safe person for YOU, you could help support them while they got that help, but you can't BE that help.

Lastly, if someone is suicidal, in earnest, nothing you do or don't do is likely to be the cause of them doing so. None of us can keep people alive who don't want to stay alive, believe me.

That's really all I want to say about him, because he's not who I'm concerned about, especially since, as I said, it's much more likely YOU are the one at risk of harm from him than he is from himself.

So, let's talk about you, okay? What can we do to help you process this and get to a place where the choices you make are about taking care of YOU? As I told you in a previous thread where you had said he can be emotionally abusive, abuse typically escalates. First it was emotional, now it has become physical: it's you who are in danger here, and I'd like to help you make some choices to change that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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I need change. I just don't know how to go about making it happen.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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Well, would you like me to suggest some steps for you to start with?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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Yes, please. We're not going to see each other for the next 11 days. Then, he'll be home for Thanksgiving and for the long weekend. I need this sorted out before then.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Hey Jai,

I am just stopping by to say that I'm glad you're ok and that you came by, that I'm so sorry that this happened but also that I'm proud you took action. I know it's scary and hard but there's no reason to get down on yourself, just like Heather said above. We really care about you and are here to support you through this. I think you're a really awesome person with so much going for you; this is a difficult thing to deal with you please remember what a neat person you are, regardless!

I'm glad you will have a break before any contact again; I recommend that you do not have any contact with him between then. For example, if he writes you, tell him: "I do not want you to contact me [right now]." That may sound like a big statement and it is but it's an important first step in helping give yourself some space (and also to have on record in case you do press charges at any point.) I know it's no fun at all but I really suggest you do it. xoxo

*Hugs*

[ 09-27-2009, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Heather
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Well, that given, the first thing I'd suggest is that you don't set that kind of a deadline on yourself.

In other words, if he is coming home by then, or in 11 days you don't have to have everything sorted: you can simply not see him regardless, even if you aren't sure what to do long-term, or haven't made some changes. Don't allow his schedule to dictate how you take care of yourself. Know what I mean?

I would NOT see him in those 11 days, by the way. I can't tell how how bad an idea I think it is for you to see this person anytime soon, especially alone, outside the company of someone who loves you and knows what he has done. I also would advise you stop any and all contact with him for right now. If he keeps saying he is going to harm himself, you can tell him he needs to go into the ER or call a hotline, but that that is not something you can help with, and given what he just did to you, it also is highly inappropriate for him to ask you to help him in any way right now. Again: you are the injured party here. You are the one in danger.

For starters, one thing I'd say would be a good start is to talk candidly to your family about this. It sounds like you already have, so do keep talking if they're a good support for you. Same with friends.

I would also strongly encourage you to consider pressing charges for assault. The police came, so they have the information you'd need to do that. Even if you're not sure on that, you could absolutely go talk to them, or to an advocate for domestic violence, to find out what that process is like and what your options are to help inform your choice.

I know I've brought up counseling with you before: is that something you'd be willing to look into now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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I really don't know. I'd like help. I need help. But right now ... I need sleep. I have class in the morning and it's 1am. Thank you for everything tonight. I'll reply again tomorrow when I'm thinking clearer.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Also, I wanted to mention: I know that you've wanted change for a long time, as you've written it before in various posts... I assume that's in various aspects of your life. In the past, when I've had extremely hard situations, for all the stuff to deal with (and it's not easy), at the very beginning (as in, when sh*t truly went down), I felt this sudden huge flash of relief. The pain and the fear and what not came back a few hours afterward (and I looked to fault others rather than my boyfriend for months) BUT it was like "Thank god I can finally change things and I don't have to carry this burden [alone] anymore."
I can speak directly to a pregnancy scare with my then boyfriend my senior year of high school (who happened to be abusive, too.) It was horrible due to the details surrounding it but even though my parents didn't know all the details, then sensed something was wrong and did what they could; they could have gone about it better, for sure, and I made it harder for myself for awhile (I kept seeing him) BUT that flash of relief, that sudden-if-short feeling was a HUGE turning point in my life.

I know you are a different person and that your situation is different but I truly do hope that you can finally find that change, be it merely a start or sign that that change CAN occur, in this situation. [Smile]

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Heather
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Of course, Jai.

Get some rest, do whatever you need to to take care of yourself, and you know we'll be here when you're rested and want to talk some more.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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Okay. So the cops called his house and his father knows like ... everything I'm figuring. His family is so upset with him and I still am but he's trying to carry on like nothing happened. He'll break into his "I'm sorry" phases for a few minutes like when I say I can't go out tonight to exercise class cause I'm covered in bruises. But other than that ... I think he thinks since I stayed I've forgotten about it already. I was so embarrassed today at university. At least 25 people asked what happened.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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I'm sorry you felt ashamed: it can be really rough to have this stuff exposed like that. At the same time, it can also offer you a level of being held to making changes you might not have had otherwise.

Can you hear what Lena and I have suggested when it comes to just telling him plainly NOT to contact you right now rather than making excuses? Do you think you can do that? I think it would be best, and is one of the most basic places to start if you really want things to change.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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Ugh. It's incredibly impossible to concentrate on writing up a bio lab. I just don't get why any of this happened. And I'm being typical and blaming myself. I know it's not my fault but I do think it is on some level. I had thoughts before about stopping eating. Sigh.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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While self-blame is hardly atypical, I ultimately think that at this point, self-blame on you, or making excuses for him is diversionary. In other words, those things are not going to help you get proactive and make changes, but are probably going to keep you from making changes.

Let's focus on actual actions and on forging change, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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Sure. What would be the first step here ... other than dumping him?

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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Can you look back at the steps I posted earlier in the thread?

But again, one place I'd start is by making safe space for yourself TO make changes, which absolutely involves not managing him at all right now. You don't even have to make a decision about breaking up right now: what you need is the emotional, mental and physical safe space to start sorting out all of this and start taking new steps.

So, I'd suggest starting by making a clear statement to him that until he hears from YOU, he needs to stop calling, stop trying to contact you, and should not plan on seeing you. Can you do that? If you can't, how about telling a family member or friend that is what you need to do, and getting their support while you make that call or send that email.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Just checking in again, because I get a little concerned that your silences are based on my suggesting something you just don't want to do or feel you can't do.

If that's the case, I'd rather help you by talking through that then by having you just sit and feel helpless.

If that's not the case, and you're just doing something else, my apologies for being silly. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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You're not being silly. It's nice to have someone concerned. I was doing something else. I was talking to my mom for like 2 hours. I tried to tell her but I couldn't. I just said we're having issues and I don't want to see him this weekend because he's stressing me out and I have too much on my plate. Also, he was going to call before but I told him not to bother. He never had time for me before. Why start now? He's just sorry because everyone found out this time.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Hey you!

I'm glad you were able to talk to your mom, even if you didn't directly address it; your "excuse"/reasons for not seeing him sound very good.

I think there are various reasons why he's suddenly acting nicer and finding the time; the main one being that it's part of the cycle of abuse... a "honeymoon" phase happens after the flare-up... because, after all, that's what it takes to keep a partner. I totally get how it's really confusing.

I'm going to link you some articles that I think are related. Of course, you don't *have* to read them but please do check out at least one or two when you're ready. [Smile]

How was your bio lab, were you able to finish it? (I had trouble finishing bio labs no matter what. [Wink] How are your classes going?)

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Ecofem
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Here are those articles! I know some don't quite apply but I think others may really feel familiar.

Blinders Off:Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault
Advice from an Abuse Survivor
From Victim To Survivor
He's my boyfriend, so how could it have been rape? (Again, like the abuse aspects in general)
Is it my fault?
Three Steps Forward, One Step Back: Hollie's Story
Safer Sex...for Your Heart

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BarefootGirl
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It's funny you posted rape ones. I was debating the other night ... when he came back downstairs to his room where he'd left me after the beating he was like "ok let's f***". I remember being like are you serious? Like ... we were both drinking and I was out of it on the bed and he'd been gone for half an hour and I remember him having sex with me and I didn't want it (I wasn't like freaking out cause I was numb) and the cops showed up during us doing it. Ugh. Anyway, the situation has gotten even better. Apparently I have no right to speak my mind to him and he told me I should learn to think before I speak and I was "talking too much" to him before and arguing over the weekend and he, being the great guy he is, took the liberty of putting us on a break. He said he's not calling, txting or messaging until Saturday and I'd better "do the same" if I "want another chance". Is he actually for real? I've been sitting here upset for the last 2 hours asking myself that. Like ... how is he even serious? How is he not kissing my butt right now for saving his repuation and our relationship? I obviously can't concentrate on anything. i have so much work due over the next 3 days and I can't do anything because everytime I try I just zone out. I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm getting so tired of everything in my life. I'm going to bed.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Heya, good to hear from you.

I say that what you're describing definitely is rape. I understand how it's hard to recognize at times when the whole thing was so hard, but that's what it was.

It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to shift the blame here from himself to you, which is unfair and just *not* the true. He probably is also trying to switch techniques because the first thing didn't work because you're wise. Why is he not kissing butt? Because he's just not a nice person; a nice person wouldn't have done this in the first place... and it wouldn't be about saving face but truly caring about you but he's too selfish for that; again, a truly loving, caring partner would not hit you or rape or manipulate you like this. I know those are stark words and don't want to scare you or make you feel worse but his actions ARE that bad. Also, while it's happening to you, it's about him, in a way, because you've done *nothing* wrong (really!) but he's being manipulative and trying to make you think otherwise.

As for uni stuff, your well-being is number one right now. Is there anything you can think of doing that would you feel better, be it like exercise or a little day trip somewhere or something? I bet that if you contact your instructors about being in a tough spot and ask for an extension for a few days or week, many would give it to you.

Just in case, I want to give you some numbers for help hotlines in Canada. You're not alone and it CAN get better. http://suicidehotlines.com/canada.html

If you had a friend in this situation, what would you advise her to do?

Hang in there, hun. We really care about you here and know many others do, too. Please do get some rest tonight. xxx

[ 09-29-2009, 09:53 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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BarefootGirl
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Okay so ...

Good news: I'm alive.

Bad news: I totaled my car about 5 hours ago.

I'm on my way back to the hospital.

The best part of all this was when he called me to tell me he was busy with his fantasy hockeypool tonight so he couldn't talk then.

Yep.

My life is pure shit.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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We're still here to help you get started on the steps to change and improve your life, Barefoot. Until you take some of those steps, things are just only going to get so much better, if at all.

We're also going to still suggest you STOP talking to him, and do things like block his number if you have requested he not contact you and he continues to do so.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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I broke up with him.

Why? Because apparently getting drunk Friday night means more than seeing your girlfriend who actually honest-to-goodness could have died today.

Am I living in some backwards universe?

Wow.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Good for you!!!! I'm so proud of you for making that tough decision but I promise you it's the right one. [Smile] If you want to hear my insight (or guess) for the cause of his most recent action, I can tell you but for now:

How are you feeling? I hope you're ok after the accident... and now this? What are your plans for tomorrow?

What can we do for you right now?

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BarefootGirl
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Hey ...

I'm home for the day. I contacted my university and my bio test was deferred and she was really good about it. Today is my "long day" so I'm going to be behind but really I'm so sore right now. My neck and right knee I can barely move. I'm going to my uncle's office today for him to check me out again and make sure nothing else popped up from last night. Like ... the medics were shocked that I was conscious and nothing was broken or bleeding. I'm just stiff and still a little shook up but I'm alive. Sigh. Tell me why he's doing this I guess ... he txtd me three times since I broke up with him and I haven't responded so yeah. *High fives self* He went on like he was so concerned and couldn't eat supper and was crying all night and couldn't wait to see me yet when I brought up the fact that he could easily get the bus home tonight he choked on his words and was like "you're serious?" ... so yeah. I deserve more than that.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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I'm not Lena, so when she's around, she can talk to you about what she feels his deal with that was.

For me, if you're open to talking about it, I have to say that while I am glad for you not being with this person anymore, profoundly glad, and hoping this does result in contact ceasing completely, I am a bit confused and concerned.

In a word, I'm wondering if you've given any thought to why being beat up and raped by this person, and the emotional abuse throughout, didn't motivate you to a breakup but this did. I don't intend to be critical of you in asking that: I ask in the interest of your expressed wish for changes in your life and out of concern for you. I worry if we don't address that that it'll be very easy for you to fall back into this kind of pattern without seeing it again, OR even wind up back with this guy again.

If you're not up to talking about that today, I understand and that's fine, but I think at some point we really should.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BarefootGirl
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I just finally realized he doesn`t love me.

He says he does. I believed him through the emotional and physical abuse. I believed him even when he treated me like crap.

But now, I`ve finally realized.

If he loved me, he could have taken the bus home last night to comfort me.

Any decent guy would.

Especially if i left the money there to pay for it.

Sigh.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Heather
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If he'd have loved you, he would never have emotionally, physically or sexually abused you. The mere idea of doing that would have been abhorrent to him. His choosing to drink with friends rather than seeing you is the least of it.

One of the reasons I felt concern is echoed here. We can't really BE comforted by someone so unsafe for us, someone who we know hurts us unless we are either a) exercising really deep denial about the fact that that person DOES harm us or dissociating (PTSD can also contribute to that), b) be very, very deeply entrenched in the cycle of abuse and/or c) never really feel safe, not with anyone. Do you understand what I'm saying?

It not only troubles me that this is someone you wanted to see so badly, but more so it was badly enough you'd even leave money for him of yours to bring himself to you. So, I think if we're going to keep trying to work together to create changes for you, on both accounts, it's really important we help find you in-person help to help you work through this stuff to be sure you have more awareness about abuse cycles and the dynamics of abuse for the future, as well as helping you to reorder your priorities with r-ships (as in, not being abused is the FIRST priority, getting comfort comes after) and also to help work on your self-esteem.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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BarefootGirl
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You're right. Obviously. I think it was a bit of a and b. I do feel safe with people. I have a very loving family. I have great friends now. Like, I've gotten more concern from people I haven't been friends with in a long while than him. It's sad and it's something I never wanted to see. I think I stayed so long because there was a comfort to some extent in knowing I have someone to call my own, even if he wouldn't do the same.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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Ecofem
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Hey, I'm back but just for a second because I have a lot of other responsibilities tonight. [Smile]

First, to use an analogy, I see this guy as like a car crash that has happened. (I have to take mine in tomorrow morning for more service so it's fresh in my mind as are your recent experiences...) Like my car with those rattling noises, you had some signs along the way that something was not right. It would have been wise to get them checked out earlier (and you did consult "relationship mechanics" -- Scarleteen! [Smile] -- and we basically suggested a fix (leaving the relationship) that you chose to not take. That's ok, that's your choice and we're not going to berate you for that because it is, indeed, your life. When the car broke down (or more like exploded) when your boyfriend beat and raped you this weekend, even if it would have been to heed the mechanics advice, it's not your fault but now something to deal with in a harder way.

So, it's like you walked away from the car crash with your boyfriend (but not because you were so badly injured -- literally -- but because of other reasons that we are very concerned about.) But when you've been keeping contacting him, sending him money, etc. it's like you're getting back into the totaled car, not letting your wounds heal, taking some good driver courses, putting on your seatbelt... instead you're getting back into the totaled car, giving a drunk driver the car keys again, and going out for a spin... if you look at the car analogy, I'd ask someone: "Is this a death wish?! What are you doing this for?! We want you safe and healthy!!" It's harder to see this in interpersonal relationships but it's there, believe me.

We want you better and we want you safe, we want you happy and healthy, and genuinely feeling those things... this takes a few steps, which start with stopping going back to him (it's sort of like an addiction in a way, you know, to draw a parallel if this were substance abuse) and then finding the reasons why you keep turning to the bottle when it's hurt you so much for so long. In your latest response, I see that you are starting to delve into the reasons why you have kept going back to him: the "comfort" of feeling you had a SO. So then you look why that was so important to you despite the horrible stuff, and then see where you can address those needs in a positive way.

My theory on his reaction? Well, first, he's an abusive person. He's a criminal.... some people go to prison for YEARS for doing what he did, you know? He may act needy but he's also smart in that he knows exactly how to manipulate you... so he gets what he wants and so you keep coming back. That said, he also knows that what he is doing is bad and wants to cover his own a** because he's all about looking out for number 1, himself, because a truly caring partner would never even do 10% of what' he's done to you. As entitled as he may feel when it comes to abusing you, he also doesn't want to go to jail or what not. He's also a wimp and he SHOULD be scared with the police involved and all. My theory is that he knows staying with you would be a bad thing (like he could go to jail!) but he also doesn't want to be the one to end things (again, think of possible repercussions, like if you got so mad you went to the police...) So, instead he's slowly going to pull away from you, make YOU feel like you're the "crazy" or demanding one (shifting the blame to the victim, such a big technique that abusers will use to try to cover their a**es) and he's hoping that you'll end things and feel so guilty and what not that you won't think of blaming him or getting him in trouble.

I know it's hard to realize that when you've been abused for so long. I really do get it; I know you can even wonder for years if there really was anything wrong even if everyone around you can and could tell. It's part of the manipulation. But as hard as it may be, you're smart and way smarter than that... now that you're recognizing things, you now need to take those steps to safety and help yourself.

Now, this is all a theory based on my own observations and what not in life... then again, it could be something else; after all, as you said, he ignored you for a long time, making you low priority, so this may just be more of the same. It's part of the abuse cycle, either way.

We like you a lot and want you to do well... the road to recovery is not an easy one but I know you can do IF you choose to actively pursue it and MAKE the change happen versus letting life happen to you, which right now is almost killing you. And, again, we want to see you not just surviving but THRIVING, and you have waited MORE than long enough and you certainly DESERVE it. xx

Have a restful night, just focus on the day-to-day for now, but please do start thinking about how your motivations and actions are linked and what not because that's the true way to work on this and find long-term change.

OK, here's a question, and a fun one! [Smile]
You speak of wanting change... if you could have your DREAM life right now and cost and logistics were no issue, where would you be, what would you be doing, etc. etc.? I'm really curious and looking forward to your answer!

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BarefootGirl
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I read every word of what you said and I DO deserve something better. I'm a good person. I don't do "bad things". I'm well rounded and I've got a good head on my shoulders in all other aspects of life but relationships. It's time to fix that. I deserve what's best for me and he's not it.

It's funny cause he went out to get drunk tonight with his new "friends" ... and part of me is still hoping he'll call. Sigh.

Okay so let's leave all that heavy stuff behind for a minute so I can answer your question.

Hmm. My dream life now would be:

Age: 23
Location: Scotland or Ireland
Doing: travel for a year and possibly doing my year of internship there before coming back here?
Status: Single (but with many dates) LOL.

I don't really know what else to add. I'd love to travel. I want to when I finish my BSc and before I start my "adult life". Before anything though I have to gain self assurance and esteem.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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orca
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Hey Barefoot. I haven't responded here, but I've spoken with you in the past about this relationship and I hope you don't mind me stepping in here. (And if you do, it's totally cool to just say so. [Smile] )

I think those plans sound incredible! I really hope you get to realize all of them, and then some. Travel is a great way to gain your independence, in so many ways, and to broaden your view of others.

I wanted to pose a question to you, though (I know, you've gotten a lot of them lately, and you don't have to answer now if you don't want to or feel ready to, but you might consider keeping it in the back of your mind for a couple of days). Why do you want him to call? Why do you want him to come back? I'm wondering if part of why is because you want to feel he needs you, because part of what hurts about abuse is that you grow to depend on that person but they don't depend on you. That is, he's manipulated you into feeling like you need him, like all your happiness and self-worth depends on him, but he doesn't need the same from you and is able to just move on easily. Does that sound about right? (And do tell me if I'm off-base here.)

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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BarefootGirl
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You're right. I wanted to feel like he needed me. Yesterday, he realized I'm serious about parting and he txtd me about 30 times in half an hour (all beatles lyrics cause he knows they're my fave). Ugh. Thankfully I was in class so I didn't have much time to think about it. He went out last night with his friends, as did I. And today is the big party day at his university and I'm not even thinking twice about it. I'm going out tonight ... like "single girl" out and I'm going to have a great time. I got a new outfit and new makeup and I'm basically just spoiling myself. I had a week from hell and I figure I deserve it so .. yay. Heh. I'll let you know how the night turns out.

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Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

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