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Author Topic: Really scared please help!
Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Ok, the other day my boyfriend and I went to the park to just hang out. He has been asking me to have sex for a while but I have been saying no. As a joke he stole a condom from his dad without telling me and surprised me with it at the park. He was taking me into the woods when he had to use the restroom so he just used a tree. About 15-20 minutes later we were in the woods and he began fingering me. He asked me to repay him by giving him a handjob. He began leaking precum and he wiped it off with his hands. After about.. 5-10 minutes he asked me for sex again. I said no but he put on the condom anyway, using the hand with dried precum on it. He pinned me down onto a fallen tree and stuck it into me once. I would like to know if there is any risk of me getting pregnant and the signs if I am pregnant. PLEASE answer me, I am so scared here. I don't want to get pregnant!
Posts: 9 | From: MI | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ASargent42
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28733

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Oh hun. As long as he used the condom properly for all genital contact, then you didn't have a viable risk. If you want to be more safe than just that, if it's been less than 5 days, you still have time for emergency contraception. However, to get EC, you do need to either have a prescription or have someone over the age of 18 purchase it for you. You can also take a pregnancy test 10-14 days after the risk, and it would be accurate.


Since it doesn't appear that you had a viable risk, I'd be more concerned about the fact that your boyfriend raped you. Have you told anyone? Is there anyone you feel comfortable telling? Have you talked to your boyfriend since the incident?

[ 10-06-2008, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: ASargent42 ]

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Amanda
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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Thank you for telling me. That eases a lot of stress. I would like to get EC..... But I don't trust anybody enough to ask them to get some for me. I just have one more question. If precum did get into me, what is the chances that I can get pregnant?

To answer your question I haven't told anybody. I don't feel comforatable telling anyone. I have talked to my boyfriend many times since the incident. He takes it as a joke and has said sorry many times for it.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sexually assaulting someone isn't a joke. And when you say no, and someone pins you down and does what they want anyway, that is a sexual assault. It also very much sounds like, his having known you had been saying no, like he planned to do what he did to you, in advance. Flatly, I would not advise talking to this guy: I'd advise getting away from him and staying away.

I am personally less concerned about you becoming pregnant, and more concerned about you staying with someone who has assaulted you and may do so again.

I don't see a need for EC here, but if you want to get it, you can get it for yourself: you don't have to ask someone else to get it for you. If you are over 18, you can get it from a pharmacy, over the counter. If you are under 18, you can get a prescription for it at any clinic, doctor's office, or even the emergency room.

[ 10-06-2008, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Thank you VERY much you have been a huge help. I have been very worried about it ever since it happened, I don't want there to be any risk of getting pregnant.

I'll try to take your advice on staying away from him. It will be very hard because I still love him, I can't help it. I may just be naive and blinded by love but, I'll just have to find out.

Again, thank you very much.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sometimes we love people who don't love or treat us with love back, and you're right, that is always very, very hard. But it comes down to learning to recognize when our love isn't positive, is doing us harm, or just is being given to someone who isn't worthy of it or can't return it. We can still love someone and yet make a sound choice not to be with them if doing so puts us in danger.

You don't benefit by loving someone who assaults you and sticking around to have them do it again, or be so unloving as to do it in the first place and treat their assault and your trauma as a joke.

In other words, love is the good stuff when it's well-placed. Putting energy into loving someone who isn't loving us back -- and worse still is hurting us for their own enjoyment -- doesn't help anyone or do anyone any good.

You're welcome, and hang in there. We're all here should you need to come back and talk.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Ok, I'm so sorry but I still need a little bit more help.

I just remembered that my boyfriend rubbed his penis around my clitoris and near my vagina hole, almost into it. (I easily get wet so I was very wet at this point) While doing this he had precum on his penis and no condom yet. Yes, I was pinned down.

The next day I noticed spotting in my underwear and a slight pain whenever I pee. I thought it was just because he cut me while fingering me but I'm not sure anymore.

Does this change my pregnancy risk? if so please tell me. If i have any chance of pregnany I would like to know so that I can ask somebody to take me to the hospital.

Please help! I'm crying and shaking now. I'm really, really scared I'm going to get pregnant now.

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Ok, now I'm puking. I'm not sure if it's early pregnany symptoms or because I'm so scaredbut please help! I need to leave for school soon so please reply quickly! I'm too scared to tell my mom.

[ 10-07-2008, 05:06 AM: Message edited by: Crying ]

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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First of all, even if you were pregnant, you wouldn't be experiencing symptoms this soon. So if you're feeling sick, that's likely from the stress you're experiencing, or maybe you even caught a flu bug.

Do you still experience pain with urination? If so, you may be dealing with a UTI and will want to get that checked out by a doctor.

If there was direct genital contact, then you may have had a small pregnancy risk. When did this happen exactly? If it was less than 120 hours ago, it's not too late for you to obtain EC. If you're under 18, you'll need to get a prescription or ask a friend who's over 18 or a trusted adult to get it for you.

If it's too late for EC, you'll have to wait until you can get a pregnancy test, which you can do at 10-14 days after the risk. You'll also want to schedule an appointment to get a full STI screening done.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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How much des EC cost? I know a few people that would be able to obtain it for me but I'm not sure if I can afford it. Please answer quickly. I'm leaving for scohool in 10 minutes.

And this happened on October 5th, around 4-6 PM.

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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How much EC costs can depend on where you are. On average, it can cost anywhere between $20 and $50.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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Oh wow... That is a lot of money for my family. We are extremely poor. [Frown]

Thank you for your help. I am feeling a little bit better now. Of course I'm still scared, but that fear might be gone in 10 days.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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For the record, if you go to any hospital and report a rape, EC should be provided to you. That still may be an option for you if it's something you want.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Crying
Neophyte
Member # 40525

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I'm not sure if I want to report it to them. I mean, I really want the EC but I don't want him to get into trouble with the police.

My boyfriend apoligized and stopped the joking once I told him that there was a chance of me getting pregnant. He told me that if I am he will stay with me and father the child.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Again, I'm just not going to advise you to stay with this guy or keep talking to him. Our job here is to advocate for what keeps our users safe, and what we know, or are pretty certain, is most likely to be healthy for you in the long run: a relationship with someone who rapes a person is something we know not to be either or result in either.

Even if there was no chance of you becoming pregnant, rape isn't funny, nor can "I'm sorry" fifty-million times take it back. And him promising to stay with you should you become pregnant is not only very hollow (that's a big promise for someone to make who can't do something as simple as respecting your "no"), it doesn't make it all better. Plus, if he can't even come up with $20 or $30 for EC, if he can't have the basic respect for you not to assault you, him saying he could co-parent is impossibly hard to believe.

Personally, I'd not be on board with having a kid of mine be raised by someone who got me pregnant by raping me. I'd also advise women to think way more than twice about having someone who rapes around them or their children: that's you not only choosing to continue to keep yourself in danger, put to put a kid there.

I know that's very direct, but this is a person who has made clear they are a danger to you, and someone who assaulted you. This is someone who committed a crime. This is not a safe person, this is not a person who can be trusted.

None of that means that you need to report: reporting is something that only you can know is right for you (not him, you) and what you want to do. I just mentioned it because it certainly is always something to consider, and is also an option when it comes to EC.

[ 10-07-2008, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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saraa
Activist
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[ 10-07-2008, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: saraa ]

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-saraa.

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