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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Is she pregnant???

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Author Topic: Is she pregnant???
Nickolai
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OK so Ill try to explain this the best I can..
A few weeks ago, I dont remember the exact time, I had sex with my girlfriend.
She was on the pill, but her supply ran out the the same day, so she took it yesterday( of that day), but didnt take a new one the day we had sex.
I ejaculated inside her with a reassurance that the pill was still effective.
Now, just today she tells me her period is about a couple weeks late, and shes felt sick for the past few days.
Im very, VERY worried about what may be happening...
Is her period cycle irregular because shes now temporarily off the pill?
Is it irregular because she recently had an extremely stressful trip and the added stress is making it even later?
Is it all a coincidence and I have nothing to worry about..?
PLEASE HELP!

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-Lauren-
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If this was a few weeks ago, she can take a pregnancy test now and get an accurate result.

If I understand right, you had sex during her "off" week or placebo pills and she didn't start a new pack on time. This may have left her at risk of pregnancy; the pill doesn't work/isn't effective by taking them on the days you have sex, but by taking them consistently every day without missing days/packs to prevent ovulation.

So, have her take a test, and we can help you figure things out in the instance it's positive.

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Nickolai
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She just took the test.. And were pregnant..
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Nickolai
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She just took the test.. And were pregnant..
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Nickolai
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I have no idea what I'm going to do..
I can only stay with her, but everything else we face together is going to be a nightmare..
My hands are shaking uncontrollably I can't believe this is happening

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Heather
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Okay, first up: breathe.

The first thing she's going to want to do is verify her EPT results with a test by her doctor. Can she arrange that?

Also, to calm yourself in the interim, please know that while dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is certainly very challenging, it is dealable and doesn't have to be a nightmare. If you can try to come to it without too much dread, it's likely to be easier to manage.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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We have been talking about it, and we have decided on an abortion.
We are both really against the idea but there is no other option for us. I'd rather do it ASAP so we don't have to kill any developped fetus..
I'm sorry, but what is an EPT test?
We are calmer.. But this is still the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with and had NO idea I would ever have to have this conversation for pregnancy advice so early.
Does the abortion procedure mitigate the need for the EPT test?
Thank you for your time and advice... We have nowhere else to go

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Nickolai
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We have been talking about it, and we have decided on an abortion.
We are both really against the idea but there is no other option for us. I'd rather do it ASAP so we don't have to kill any developped fetus..
I'm sorry, but what is an EPT test?
We are calmer.. But this is still the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with and had NO idea I would ever have to have this conversation for pregnancy advice so early.
Does the abortion procedure mitigate the need for the EPT test?
Thank you for your time and advice... We have nowhere else to go

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Nickolai
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( I don't know my posts show up twice, sorry for taking up space)
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Heather
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If you two only had sex a few weeks ago, then she's likely only been pregnant for a couple of weeks, at the most, so it's going to be too early for her yet to get an abortion procedure.

However, an abortion provider certainly is someone she could see for a test (an EPT is a home test), though she should just know that her chance of getting a procedure that day at this time would be slim. However, it seems to me it might be wise for her to get a test from a provider and also schedule a visit for options counseling, where she can talk to someone trained in talking through all her options with her. If she feels best about abortion, that discussion can include talking about her options with abortion, in terms of the difference between a medical abortion (the abortion pill: which she could use sooner than she could have a surgical abortion) or a surgical abortion.

An abortion doesn't mitigate the need for a pregnancy test: a woman having an abortion is going to get a test and an ultrasound to see how far she is in order to have her procedure. But if she's only a couple weeks pregnant, she will be too early, and will likely have to wait another two to three weeks before she could have an abortion of either type.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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So I spent all day looking up a place and learned a lot about both procedures. She is only a couple weeks in, so we would have to wait until at least the sixth week for a surgical abortion. We've decided it would be best for us both.
I understand that the clinic does also offer every type of service before, after and during the procedure. Councelling, health questions, anything at all. And since were insured, it's totally free.. [Smile]
I've never been so reassured with something that a day ago was making me freak out.
Oh the clinic of course needs a bloodtest and does an ultrasound beforehand. So it's all there!
Would it be alright if I kept posting here, just incase I or we have any questions or concerns before and after the procedure?
I was reading your entire forum post on abortions and would really appreciate to keep tabs with such an expert:)
Thank you so much for all your help and time taken.. And any thanks in advance to other potential questions:)

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Heather
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Nickolai, you're more than welcome to keep posting here.

Your girlfriend is also more than welcome to make an account for herself if she has additional questions or needs some support at any time.

How is she feeling about all of this right now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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She was understandbly scared, but she's said that me researching and looking up things has eased her mind. It's the least I can do..
She is having the common early symptoms but her initial sickness seems to have passed. Her chest is sensitive and growing, but I find it a bit amusing.
The actual procedure has her a little on edge, but I was telling her about how safe and reliable is it compared to the medical procedure. She needs more reassurance than I do...
We are both a lot calmer now. Learning a lot about it really helps.
I'll keep posted on our progress if that's alright

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Heather
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Earnestly, this early in a pregnancy she's not at all likely to have breast growth, just so you understand. It's simply too early for that. This early, some nausea could certainly happen, a missed period, maybe some tiredness, but that'd be about it.

In terms of the safety between the medical and the surgical, both are actually safe. the biggest difference between the two is that a surgical has it over and done with very quickly, while a medical draws that out over a series of days. A medical (abortion pill) is also slightly less effective, and can tend to be more painful.

I'd expect her to need more reassurance than you do, simply because she is the one pregnant potentially having a procedure: that's normal.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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Odd. She's definitely bigger. Does that mean she would get even bigger later on? Or by the time we go through with the procedure would it still be too early?
We chose the surgical for the reasons you said; one visit, less painless and more effective. She doesn't mind the invasiveness enough to switch to medical.
She appreciates your support and so do I. [Smile]
I love her and I strive to make her mind at ease with everything

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Heather
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She may simply be having some breast growth at this time in her life right now.

And yes: in later pregnancy (as in, way later, not in these first weeks and sometimes not the first few months), we are generally talking about pretty susbtantial breast size increases. But not a couple weeks into pregnancy, no. Obviously, if she is having a lot of pregnancy symptoms, it's also possible she is further along than she knows at this point: when she has her ultrasound, she'll be able to find that out exactly.

I'm not sure what her breast size has to do with the timing of an abortion. An abortion provider will not okay a procedure when it is too early: if she does end up deciding to terminate, then they will only okay her for a procedure when she is at the minimum number of weeks she needs to be at to assure an effective termination.

In terms of a surgical being invasive, just for the record, I wouldn't say that it is. For a medical, for instance, you have to have an ultrasound, too, and a woman also has to visit her provider more times than she does with a surgical. Depending on where she might get a procedure done, she may also have the option of being asleep for her procedure if she prefers that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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I didn't think she would start growing until later anyway. But we won't get that far!
And that's interesting to note about the invasiveness.. Never thought of it that way to be honest. That just makes surgical abortion an even better choice, then. Haha.
Some questions about the sleeping drug:
You said she can be put to sleep if she likes, but would this have any side effects at all? And would she be drowsey for very long afterwards?

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Heather
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What sedatives or anaesthesia she can have is going to depend on the particular clinic.

If you can link me to where she is considering having a procedure, I can see what options they are offering and likely tell you more about the effects and potential side effects. They tend to differ pretty widely depending on the kind of sedation involved.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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One addition thing I want to mention, Nikolai, is not to get too attached to her initial choice, here.

That's not to say she will (or should) change her mind. Rather, it's to say that a day or two isn't a long time to consider a choice, and she may or may not still feel this is her best choice next week, in two weeks, or on the day she goes to terminate. Women change their minds sometimes more than once when making such a big decision.

And in order for her to be sure she makes her own best choice, it's pretty important that you and other people around her don't get too attached to any one choice, but rather, are ready to accept that ANY choice she feels is best is the one you need to accept. If we have a partner or another person close to us talking like our choice is final before we've made a final choice, it can be harder to be sure of what our own best choice is. Okay?

I can hear that you feel relieved that right now, she is feeling an abortion is best, and that's understandable if you don't want to parent or be part of an adoption. But the greater burden is with her, so I just want to make sure you're not getting so gung-ho about a termination that she might feel like she doesn't really have room to consider all her options or change her mind if that's what she finds out she feels is best.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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www.kensingtonclinic.com is the website.
They seem very informative about everything.

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Nickolai
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I hope I don't sound so gung-ho, if I do I apologize!
I'm excited about this mainly because she is. We discussed every option and researched as much as we needed. Her decision was abortion.
I'm basically the one looking up information like a maniac and reassuring her with her decisions. At the end, and I've told her, it's her decision. She is a lot more scared than I am, so I'm trying my best to calm her down and go at this logically.
She would prefer adoption if it didn't involve the birth. Which was her initial choice. But later on she switched to abortion. So early in this desicion she was begging me to go do it the next day before we knew where to even go and everything involved.
I support her fully, but not to make her do instinctal decisions out of fear.
Since we chose the surgical, this gives us a few weeks to think and change our minds if need-be.

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Heather
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And she can also make an appointment for options counseling with that provider any time before then if she likes.

Let me go look at that clinic now and hop back.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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That clinic looks fantastic, and I really love how widely the links and resources they provide vary.

So, it appears that clinic offers conscious sedation, rather than general anesthesia.

What that means is that she may have sedatives -- probably through IV, but they may also only do oral sedatives, they did not provide that information on the website -- but she may not be put to sleep with a GA.

Conscious sedation tends to make a person drowsy (and some people do fall asleep, even though they are not being put to sleep), manages pain and anxiety, but a person is still technically awake. Afterwards, she probably will still feel a little sleepy or out of it, but that should wear off within a couple hours at the most. However, the pain management medications they provide her afterwards to take may also make her sleepy.

Without knowing what sedatives exactly they offer, I'm afraid I can't give you much more information on possible side effects. But that provider most certainly can and will give that information, either at her appointment, or if she wants to know earlier, she can call and ask by phone.

Just FYI, it does not appear that clinic offers options counseling, but they do link to local resources who do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nickolai
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The clinic was the best one I could find. And it means a lot you approve!
I'm sure they will be able to answer any questions before the procedure and will probably tell us everything about it before we even need to ask.
To put such trust in them I can only hope they provide

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pyro_angel
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I just want to jump in and say I have experience with this clinic and they are very good.

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Courtenay

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Nickolai
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Any reassurance is a good one.
Thank you, Courtenay

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