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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » I'm hurting inside! [i need some advice]

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Author Topic: I'm hurting inside! [i need some advice]
.:LaSmiley:.
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Member # 31207

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Okay so my boyfriend of 3 years wants to be with his friends all the time like when i say that i mean 24/7. He also has a drinking problem like when he drinks too much he gets abusive. He'll tell me he's going to the store or to get his car fixed or something then he won't be back until whenever he wants and when i finally call him he's already drunk. We have a baby together he's 5 months old and it hurts me so much inside when i see my baby's face and to know he doesn't have the best father i always wished he would have. I'm crying as i write this because it hurts me so much and i don't know what to do. Yes you guys will say "leave him" trust me i would but everytime i want to i look at my son and i cry so much because i grew up without a father and i don't want him to grow up the same way i did. I have tried working it out with him already he has promised me millions of times and couting he would stop drinkinghe would stop seeing those friends he has which are only a bad influence on him but yet he still doesn't care and goes on doing the same things over and over this has been going on for about a year. OMG im so hurt inside. I want to know why he does this. The only thing stopping me from leaving him is my son because if it was for my own will i would not be with him. Please i need your advice!! PLease help me i don't know what to do what would you do in my situation??!!!!

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"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

Posts: 7 | From: .:Da {{402}}...Omaha,Nebraska:. | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hey LaSmiley. I know what you're going through must be really rough, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. But your son doesn't have to go through it, and you don't have to go through it anymore either. It is nice to have both parents around, but it's a lot more important to have a safe environment to live in, and it sounds like right now neither you nor your son has a safe environment. An absent father is far better than an alcoholic and abusive one.

He's made promises many times to you, and he'll probably make many more, but you have to realize that the chance is incredibly slim that he is going to keep those promises. It's really for the best if you were to leave him, the best for you, and the best for your son. So long as you are with him, there is no reason for him to stop drinking because there's no threat of loss: he gets to have his cake and eat it, too. If you do want to continue the relationship, you can ask that he get himself into treatment for his alcoholism, but until he is recovered, and recovered for a while (as in more than one year), you shouldn't live in the same place as him as that is only putting you and your son in danger.

I'm linking you some hotlines in Nebraska for domestic abuse shelters that I hope you take a look at. I'm also going to link a few other places for domestic abuse, and a place for alcohol abuse if you want to give that to your boyfriend. I really hope you will at least take a look at these and take it into consideration. It's always hard leaving someone you care about, especially when a child is involved, but in the long run you'll see that this is the best for both you and your son. Your son deserves a healthy environment to grow up in, and you deserve someone who will treat you much better.
http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/NE.HTM
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.addictionsearch.com/treatment/NE/city/omaha.html

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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