First of all, I feel like this is all my fault so as I'm typing I'm psychically punching myself in the face. Last night my ex-boyfriend and (yeah, the ex-fiance guy) I came home a little tipsy from a show. He started kissing me and taking my clothes off and we started to fool around. Well, stupid action number 1 is that I let him perform oral sex on me unprotected. In my drunk mind my reasoning was I had a negative STI screening 6 months ago and have been monogamous (we just broke up. I haven't slept with anyone else yet) for....about a year and a half. I know my reasoning had holes in it, but I was having trouble thinking straight for obvious reasons. Stupid action number 2 is that after we tried to have sex because I stopped him (I knew since we just broke up sex would complicate things) he took off the condom but kept "poking" me anyway and I believe even touched my entrance a couple times. So in summary, here are the things I'm worried about: is he at high risk for developing an STI, and do I need to get EC because the tip of his unprotected penis touched my unprotected vulva?
Aside from the "emergencies" I'm worried about, I'm very mad at him and myself. I feel like I've damaged myself and what sucks is that I let it happen. I'm VERY mad at him because throughout this whole thing I was protesting pretty vocally, but since he has no regard for boundaries (and probably hoped to get away with it because I was drunk) it happened anyway. I mean physically, I guess I was enjoying it, but the physical pleasure was NOT NOT NOT happening in a way that I wanted it to. I didn't feel safe because I kept saying no but he kept doing it anyway, I didn't feel safe because we didn't use a barrier for oral sex or for the little unprotected genital contact we had.
In short, I feel like an idiot but please tell me if there is risk for an emergency I need to deal with. Thanks.
-------------------- "It's better to die on your feet than live down on your knees" Posts: 117 | From: SLC, UT | Registered: May 2006
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Don't beat yourself up. In the long run, it won't help you too much.
You said you had a negative STD screening six months ago? If this is true, chances are you won't pass anything onto him. We don't know anything, however, about his past since you broke up. So I'd suggest scheduling another screening in a couple weeks.
As for the pregnancy risk, if you feel that at any point his genitals came in contact with yours, and there was no condom, I'd get EC ASAP. We can't know for sure, as you aren't sure yourself, but any unprotected genital-to-genital contact can create a pregnancy risk.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but blaming yourself isn't going to do anything constructive. Yes, you were a little drunk, but taking advantage of someone like this when they are protesting and saying no borders on sexual assault, even if it wasn't violent.
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