Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » So I'm new

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: So I'm new
Looking through glass
Neophyte
Member # 36183

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Looking through glass     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey, I'm new here and all, so I'm not sure how this works.
But I have some questions about sexual abuse and getting past it.
So whats next?

--------------------
Life is a passionate dance- we only have to take the first step-But how is the question.

Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Firefly-
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 26516

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Firefly-     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You can post your questions here if you'd like and someone from our staff or volunteers here will try to answer them.

Do you need help finding resources for abuse survivors in your area?

Here are some links that may be of use to you in the meantime:
Advice from an Abuse Survivor
Dealing With Rape
From Victim To Survivor
RAINN Online Rape Hotline

Hang in there

--------------------
Vero
Scarleteen Volunteer
Help sustain sex ed and Scarleteen: donate!

Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Looking through glass
Neophyte
Member # 36183

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Looking through glass     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I seem to be very stuck the past few months. My health isn't great (I'm being treated for staph) and I am very confused day to day. I often feel as though no one can help me. Today, I met with a therapist. If anything, I felt worse afterwards. I mean she was nice and all. But I couldn't relax and I felt threatened most of the time (I know I'm hypersensitive and all). But still. I was in a constance state of ~flight or Fight~ mode and it really fell apart after the session. I don't open up to people very well and it was rather hard to open up to the therapist, maybe more so than other people I've talk to over the last 2 yrs.
I sometimes feel as my world is falling apart and those that I love most are leaving me. For instance, my best friend moved away and won't call or return my phone calls, my other friend got married, left and had a kid. Now my fav and only family member I'm close messed up and is pregnant.
I'm sorta lost and sometimes lonely.
I guess I just wanted to hear someone else's thoughts one the subject at hand.

--------------------
Life is a passionate dance- we only have to take the first step-But how is the question.

Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, a lot of the things you've brought up are tough for anyone: having close friends move away and/or fall out of touch, as well as people you're close to be in crisis is hard. And it'd going to be doubly hard when you're feeling isolated and in need of support.

It might help, though, to remind yourself that your sexual abuse likely has nothing to do with any of this: it didn't cause your friend to get married or your friends to become pregnant. It likely also isn't why your friend that moved has fallen out of touch. In fact, one of the givens about the teens and twenties is that a lot of relationships change as everyone steps into their adult lives. people move a lot, people make new lives a lot. That isn't to say all of that change isn't hard, it is, but it is also typical.

You say you feel stuck: so what's new with you lately? In other words, what are you doing, or thinking about doing, to step into your own burgeoning young adult life?

With this new therapist, it's totally normal for it to take a while to feel okay with a new therapist, and any therapist should be leaving you plenty of room to grow to trust them over time. You, by all means, can bring up next time how this last session made you feel, and establish that it's fine for you to take your time getting comfortable.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Looking through glass
Neophyte
Member # 36183

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Looking through glass     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
***You say you feel stuck: so what's new with you lately? In other words, what are you doing, or thinking about doing, to step into your own burgeoning young adult life?***

I've been reaching out a little more to people to help myself move forward. I try harder not to put up the notion that I'm okay and just dandy, when at that moment in time I'm not. I've always been the person who didn't need anyone, didn't need help, and could always fix it, do it or figure it out by myself. To alot of people I come off as very independent, sometimes bitchy and distance.
I'm trying harder to be myself.

With the therapist, it was hard enough to actually go to her. I have a fear/phobia of MD's. I don't even like Dentists. I avoid Doctors at all costs. It doesn't really help that the last time I was in the ER, I had to stay by myself for 4 hrs and had illegal blood tests done. I'm sure I'll get to work out this fear soon enough.
I got some really weird vibes from the therapist. And a few times when I was uncomfortable, she would point it out and ask more uncomfortable questions and make it that much worse. I don't know if this is normal or not. I understand "pushing" someone, but this was our first session. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. I just don't know. My cousin said that therapist didn't sound like someone I could talk to, and my mom said the about the same thing, and they suggested to try someone else.

know the changes of people moving away, people drifting away are normal. But it's all kinda happening fast and I find myself wanting to shut people out again and keep to myself. Which I know is not really a good thing.

As of right now, I think I was molested when I was about 4 and raped at least twice when I was around eight'ish. But I have a really hard time remembering it and everything is fuzzy. I've only been remembering for the last year 1/2. My Mom found out when my boyfriend made a comment the day after thanksgiving about me cutting myself. Later that day with the support of two people I'm close too, everything got spilled at the Chinese restaurant. My mom is pretty Preoccupied with the "who's" and the "whens". She finally backed off a little. Sometimes she is not even sure that it actually happened.

So, I'm at a lost at what to do sometimes.

--------------------
Life is a passionate dance- we only have to take the first step-But how is the question.

Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Looking through glass
Neophyte
Member # 36183

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Looking through glass     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So um, Does anyone have any more thoughts on this?
At the moment, my life seems to be going really well or horribly. So I'm just trying to stick with it and figure it out.

--------------------
Life is a passionate dance- we only have to take the first step-But how is the question.

Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cool87         Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sorry you are such in a rough spot right now and you had to go through some of the things you described. I get that all of this isn't easy.

I think you are doing the right thing though by going to a therapist. And I'm glad to hear, that even though you have a phobia of MDs, you went to meet a therapist. That's a great accomplishment ! You might not see the results right at first, this might take some time. And you might also find that at first it will seem like you feel even worse after a meeting with your therapist because in part of some feelings/things that have been brought up to the surface during discussions. All of this is normal. But you'll definatly likely see results overtime. I have no doubts therapy will help you.

You said you weren't really comfortable with your therapist. That might just be a matter of giving it some time. But if you really got bad vipes from her, you can always try a new therapist. Also, remember that when she asks you questions which you don't feel comfortable answering, you can simply state that to her, you don't have to answer them, there is no rush, a therapist is supposed to go to your own speed.

Also, have you taken a look at the Support group section of the site ? That might be a good idea if you are interested in hearing about people who went through similar situations (ex. cutting, sexual abuse) and how they dealth with them. (You can also do a search on the site if interested.) Sometimes it helps to see that we are not alone in this. [Smile]

[ 12-23-2007, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

--------------------
Sustain Scarleteen by donating
http://www.scarleteen.com/donate.html

Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3