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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Man oh man what do I do

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Author Topic: Man oh man what do I do
LacieC
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I babysit for a 3 year old girl. She is by all accounts a good girl. She is active and healthy. She plays with the neighbor kids.

Now this last part is where the problem is...I was gone for a week and now that I am back she is having a fit that her butt is sore. Her mother didn't really check it out last night and just put some cream on it well I was helping her this am and she was upset that it still hurt and she asked if I would look at it and put cream on it. Well...when I did this I realized that what is hurting is her vagina not her butt. I know due to the fact that she has always gotten little yeast infections that I've had to clean that she had a normal hymen. Imagine my surprise and uneasiness this am when I realized that the hymen is compleatly gone! I don't know what happened but she isn't sitting like she normally does and it seems to hurt when she pees. I don't trust the neighbors as much as her parents do because their 4 year old was sticking her finger in her butt hole last summer. They also have 2 boys over there too, and another girl. (4 kids all together next door)

How do I tell the mother that I think something bad happened without getting the blame turned on me and also without pointing fingers....I don't want to have to stop watching her, I don't want to see her hurt.

Lacie

Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Honestly, it'd be pretty unusual for a layman to even recognize what is and isn't a hymen in a very young child. And if she does have a yeast infection again, it could make her vulva swollen enough to have it look different.

So, really, I'd not leap to conclusions here. rather, since she obviously has something wrong again, maybe a more extensive yeast infection, I'd just let her mother know that she was complaining about it more intensely than usual, and that in putting her cream on, her vulva looked a bit odd to you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LacieC
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I only hope that you are right because this isn't the first time that I've been gone and she's stayed there that she has been really odd when I got back.
Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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It doesn't matter if I'm right or not: you're not a social service worker, a police officer or a doctor. It's not your job to try and suss this stuff out, it's theirs.

So, if she starts at her pediatrician's office, they are skilled in a way you are not in being able to determine if she has a genital injury. if they suspect abuse, they'll make the mandatory reports, and it will be taken from there.

It's also not, by the by, unusual for children to be curious and try and do things like stick fingers in anuses, touch penises, etc. That's normal stuff: kids are curious, and very young children don't think of what they're doing as sex, because that doesn't mean anything to them. They often see genitals as they'd see any other body part.

But again, it'd be pretty unusual for a layman to recognize hymenal differences in very young children. But a doctor usually would.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LacieC
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I know what you are saying but again I just hope that you are right and it is just that something simple and innocent happened.
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Heather
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Nothing may have happened at all.

Just do be careful not to, in your own dealings with her, start asking her loads of questions about if anyone touched her, etc. People's sex-panic and abuse paranoia can sometimes be just as harmful (or close, anyway) as sexual abuse in and of itself.

So again, I'd just report what you observed to her Mom without any theories on what may have happened, and care for this girl the same way you always have, leaving any care or investigation up to her doctor.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LacieC
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ok

sorry I'm just so worried about her. I haven't asked her anything other that what happened. When I asked that she curled up on my lap and looked ready to cry but wouldn't say anything so I let it go for now. I know better than to keep asking. That plants things in her head. I'm still mad that her dad told her she was too little to say no.....that is a whole different story.

thanks I'll try to keep it calm and see whats up in the weeks to come. I didn't know where else to ask.

Thanks again
lacie

Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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