Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » help me please im really really scared!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: help me please im really really scared!
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi I wanted to say that this website is doing a really good thing for everyone who is concerned or scared and that I'm really thankful I found this website! I have a little problem that I used your Pregnancy Risk Assessment chart for, but I would feel very relieved if I got a personal answer from a knowledgable individual. I was with my boyfriend a few days ago and we decided to just lay down with each other but one thing went to another and I ended up on top of him, just kissing him. He started to position his penis and he began to press into my vagina, and it felt really good so i would press onto his penis. He was only wearing his boxers and I was only wearing my lace underwear and when we we're finished, I noticed that he had semen on his boxers (or pre-ejaculation, I don't know if he ejaculated but he said he didn't so it was pre-ejaculation?) He positioned his penis so that I was pressing against the head of his penis and that is where the pre-ejaculation was. I got really worried the day after because I thought that sperm could have gotten through his boxers and because we were really pressing against each other that it may have gotten to the outside of my vagina and found its way inside me. I'm really really scared of being pregnant. Could I be pregnant?!

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Melissa.

(If that's your legal last name, please change your handle for your privacy, okay? You probably don't want this post coming up in a Google search a few years from now when an employer is checking your background, eh?)

Overall, what you're describing is not a likely risk. It would only be considered a low risk if your underwear also ended up sopped with ejaculate, which isn't likely with pre-ejaculate.

But next time? If you;re going to be THAT close, have your partner put a condom - or his pants -- on, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(oh my god yeah duh haha thanks i'll change it right away!!)

THANK YOU!!!!! gosh, i've been so scared since we did it and I was so worried but you really made me feel a lot better. So just for the case of curiosity, if the wetness of the pre-ejaculate did perhaps go through and made contact with the outside of my vagina (because these panties have like little tiny holes, i'm sure you know what lace undies look like) what is the risk of being pregnant then? and what is the difference between ejaculate and pre-ejaculate? because you said if it was sopped with ejaculate it would be a different story..

yes, ok we will use a condom next time thank you : )

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It'd still be a pretty small risk.

Pre-ejaculate is a fluid which comes from the penis at various statges of arousal, and whose purpose is basically to "prime the pump" as it were, for full ejaculate, in terms of adjusting the alkaline balance so that the operm in ejaculate stay viable.

Sometimes, pre-ejaculate can contain sperm, but when it does, it is FAR, far less sperm than is in a full ejaculation. While it only technically takes one pserm to fertilize an egg, it still does take a few hundred extra to help that one sperm do the trick.

So, even with vaginal intercourse, the risk of pregnancy is lower with pre-ejaculate than it is with a full ejaculation. Not nonexistant always, but lower.

So, given your panties weren't much pnaty at all, might there have been a risk? There might have: it would generally be classed as a low risk.

Do you chart your cycles, by any chance, per knowing when you ovulate? If you did, we'd be able to estimate beyond that, but if not, that's the best we can do with the information you;ve got.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No not really, I'm actually expecting my period sometime this week or next week though, but I haven't gotten my usual cramps before wise as I usually do..If I were to ovulate, it would have been maybe a week and a half ago? I'm not sure but say I was and say I wasn't, is the risk increased?

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The risk is always far greater when a woman is a couple of days before ovulation or is ovulating. But if you don't chart -- and I mean mucus and basal temps daily, not just periods -- there's really no way of knowing when that would have happened for you, so no need to consider it here.

Regardless, when WAS this possible risk (which again, is likely very low)?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
sometime a week ago, he came over all week to hang out because he won't see me for a while, i think it was tuesday. how long is ovulation? I never really keep track of my ovulation because of school and i'm always busy most of the time :-| but I really hope I wasn't ovulating.

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Again, more discussion about ovulation with you not having charted is pretty moot.

Too, if this happened a week ago, then even if there was a larger risk, EC wouldn't be an option now.

So, what you need to do for right now is just relax as best you can and wait it out for your period. Should your period be more than a few days late, you can take a pregnancy test at that point.

FYI, if charting would make you feel better as a habit -- I know that even knowing plenty about birth control and using reliable methods religiously, I sure feel better knowing my fertility cycles -- it really takes no time at all, just a brief moment in the morning when you're going to the bathroom. Even charting cervical mucus alone can tell you quite a lot, so you just have a swipe with a finger after you urinate, jot down a note, and that's that, just once a day. After a few months, you can see the patterns.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok ok, I'll try. but what you said before really makes me sorta relax, that its a generally low risk. I'll start charting as a habit so things are easier : ) another question, have there been pregnancies that have occured from situations similar to mine? I cant get the thought out of my head that my situation is worse because I read posts with people saying pre-ejaculation had gone through boxers and pants as people were dry humping, and he only was wearing boxers :-|

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, there really aren't databases of how exactly pregnancies happen we can draw on, save the research that people do for fertility (in which case, it's either about intercourse or direct insemination) and ones birth control methods do (which isn't about activities, but about if pregnancy occurs on a given method, not how).

But really, we don't need those because we know that almost always, pregnancy occurs from genital-to-genital sex, without anything in between.

Obviously, it gets tricky when we're talking about very thin layers of fabric (especialy since as time goes by, underpants just keep getting less substantial!), but again, when we're not talking about direct contact, we know that this is not how pregnancy tends to happen most of the time.

So, I'm afraid this is one of those deals where there is no solid answer, save that you may have had a risk -- again, we weren't one of you to know what the contact was -- but if there was, given the pre-ejaculate and that there was not direct contact, it was likely a low risk.

And now I'd really suggest, for your sanity and so that the stress doesn't keep an oncoming period away, that you do what you can not to get stuck on this. There's nothing you can do this late in the game anyway, and the more you do other things and think about other things, the better you'll feel. If a point comes where your period is late and you need to take a pregnancy test, at that time it's obviously sensible to think about this again.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Alright I get it, thanks so much for your support and answering my questions, I'll let you know what happens! Thanks so much for your answers, Heather. It really means a lot to me. Please pray for me, and I'll defenitely keep my head somewhere else in the mean time. Before I leave you, I wanted to know before I let my boyfriend try anything, what are the general risks from fingering? Is it something safe to try, considering he will make a more deeper contact with me?

Thanks again!

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's no trouble: now just try and relax.

In terms of manual sex ("fingering"), so long as the person with the fingers washes their hands in advance, manual sex is a really safe activity as far as pregnancy and infection risks are concerned.

But too, understand that defining that ONLY as vaginal entry is generally an error for most women, most of the time. Since the vagina only has nerve endings in the first inch or two, and the clitoris is much more sensitive, satisfying "fingering" for most women is about the whole vulva, not just the vagina. That's also something many younger men need pointed out to them, since many aren't that informed about the female sexual anatomy and/or have the idea that vaginal entry is what sex is all about, though when it comes to women, that's not frequently the case.

I'm tossing you a couple of links I think you'll find helpful on and around this point, as well as a link to information on my book, which I think you'd like having around. [Smile]

Yield for Pleasure
STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
Pink Parts - Female Sexual Anatomy
S.E.X.: The Scarleteen Book!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok!!! Thanks again!!! I'll talk to you soon, I'll let you know on what happens : ) bye!

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi, I'm taking your advice of relaxing and its going well, but I just wanted to ask you something because I was doing the laundry earlier today and I came across those lace underwear, and the region where it covers the outside of my vagina is actually cloth..not fully lace with the little holes and stuff. I thought this would be good news and maybe lessen the risk because it is a more protective layer of fabric I guess you could say, but I wanted to clarify it. Would this indeed change the risk in any way? Thanks again for everything else, bye.

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Any extra layer is going to reduce your risks.

Like I said, I don't see you as having had a real risk here to begin with, but yes: this would decrease a possible risk.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissaiscool
Neophyte
Member # 35311

Icon 1 posted      Profile for melissaiscool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Heather, just wanted to let you know I got my period! I'm so relieved, and I wanted to say thanks for your help, and its such a good thing you are doing with this website [Smile]

--------------------
meliz

Posts: 9 | From: Memphis | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3