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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Is this rape?

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Author Topic: Is this rape?
bellaitaliana69
Activist
Member # 29887

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I was at a party last night and I met this really attractive guy. The party was at his house and we went into his room where we kissed, and had both manual and oral sex. All of this I consented to. I told him that I didn't want to have sex that night because I am a virgin (i think). He didn't pressure me until later on when he kept talking about how badly he wanted to have sex with me. I said no, multiple times. He put it in, but not all the way. When I told him to stop, he didn't. I know for a fact that he didn't ejaculate anywhere near my vagina. I am on birth control pills. He didn't use a condom.

I don't know if I should consider this date rape, because I never consented to the quasi-intercourse we had. But also, am I still a virgin?

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Oh bella, I am so sorry this happened.

You said 'no', audibly, several times, and he ignored you. Yes, that is rape. He should have stopped when you asked him to.

Is there a close friend or relative, someone you trust, that you can talk to and who can help you with this?

Most importantly, you'll want to schedule an appointment to get tested for STIs.

I don't know if you want to look into reporting this. If you do, let us know and we'll help you through that, as well.

As far as virginity is concerned - there is no medical test for virginity, or even a workable definition. More than anything, it's a social construct. Whether or not you're a 'virgin' depends on your definition of virginity and your idea of what constitutes no longer being a virgin. Honestly, I think you've got bigger fish to fry than worrying about societal constructs that ultimately have no real meaning.

How are you feeling, bella? How can we help you?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bellaitaliana69
Activist
Member # 29887

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I kind of have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I feel kind of liberated, cuz by having a one night stand I was doing something that it generally only acceptable for guys. . .so by my doing it, it's kind of rebellious and cool. Also the rest of it was really, really good.
On the other hand, I feel kind of used and dirty, and like no one is ever going to respect me if they know about it.
As far as STDs go, I'm pretty sure I'm safe, cuz my friend who's dating the guy's roomate was at that house yesterday and she said that the results of the guy's most recent STD test was on the kitchen counter and he was clean.

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd not take heresay on STI results as ANYTHING to rely on, honey. You really will need to get your own tests done.

Also? One-night-stands are about both parties consenting, and a lot of the reason why you see more men than women pursuing them is because of safety issues, and because of date rape. That isn't to say that if you want to puruse that again in the future, you should be scared off -- nor that this assault was your fault -- but it is to say that one-night-stands do pose high risks of date rape for women, especially with people we've just met. If they posed the same risks for men, men would pursue it less often, too.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bellaitaliana69
Activist
Member # 29887

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Well, the guy got my number and said that we actually didn't have sex. Whatever. I got tested and I'm clean. I'm fine with everything and I've moved on. The only lingering thought on the matter that though this site does an EXCELLENT job of giving advice about sex within comitted relationships, very rarely is ever deos this site adress sex in hook-up scenarios. I know that many teens go to parties and engage in sexual activities under these circumstances. I think that Scarleteen should do more to adress the risks/benefits and provide more information about how to handle these circumstances in a mature and prudent fashion.

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
Activist
Member # 27966

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Bella, have you had a look around the main site? Many of our articles are equally relevant whether sexual activity is taking place in a relationship or just as a casual sort of thing. It simply may seem a little uneven on the boards due to the simple fact that many posters do happen to be in relationships when they pose questions! [Smile]

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Lea

Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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